NARC’D! Encounter with a Female Narcissist


narcisisstic-rageI received the following email from a reader who believes that his ex-girlfriend is a narcissist. He asks for my feedback about their relationship and wants to know if he really is “weak and insecure” as his ex claims.

Dear Dr. Palmatier,

I recently had an encounter with what I think to be Narcissistic woman and wanted to share some of my experience. I had met this young woman around 6 years ago. She was around 23 at the time and now 29 and had grown into a gorgeous, seemingly intelligent young woman. I decided to pursue a romantic relationship with her and in the end nearly ended up putting my head through a window because I had truly had begun to  think I had gone insane.

There were many warning signs along the way. I chalked up some to regular woman stuff, like trying to get you to change your hairstyle etc., but then she started to exhibit many signs that I now see as narcissistic. Initially, I didn’t understand what she meant when she explained she she could be physically intimate, but was incapable of emotional intimacy.

She had wild mood swings. I never knew which girl to expect on our dates, but her default mood was very negative. For example, she was always putting others down and actually made fun of small children, whom she open claimed she hated. She also explained that she hated public displays of affection and even wouldn’t hold hands in public until she did a 180 one night.

She showed up for our date all prim and proper, decked out in her mother’s jewelry and played the darling sweet girlfriend, holding my hand and being openly affectionate in public. She said she wanted to go on holiday together (something she’d always avoided). I couldn’t figure out what was going on until her assistant from work suddenly showed up at the table. Little did I know that my ex had invited her. I figure this whole act was a display to show her assistant that she could actually be normal.

Things got weirder as our relationship advanced with so many twists and turns in logic that my head was spinning. About 3 months into a very hot sexual relationship she dropped the A-bomb. We’d been apart for a week due to our work and she began a very flirty text messaging campaign. It culminated with an invitation to her apartment after work one night. Since work would keep us apart for another week or so, I thought we were both anxious to get together. I arrived, we got to business and, as usual, I took care of her first. Once she “got hers” (sorry there’s no delicate way to put this), she rolled over while I was kneeling in front of her and declared she no was longer interested in me F*#king me and that we shouldn’t see each other for awhile.

I was dumbstruck, but tried to be compassionate and told myself it was work stress.  When she said we shouldn’t see each other, I got up angrily and started to leave when she she stopped me. She was crying and acting all sad that she hurt me. She then sat me down on the couch “to talk” and proceeded to rip into me for not leaving and said I was being “too nice” to her. Huh??

Things got even better after that. She went away for work and started the whole flirty texting campaign again. I thought everything was healing and we were moving on until she invited me for dinner at a crowded restaurant and very loudly broke-up with me. . . again.

Ok, I should have walked then, but I thought I was in love with her, so decided to go back for more punishment. The next three weeks were filled with barbs and jabs and poking for weaknesses that you write about in your column. The sex was gone and she kept me around for when she needed to be cuddled and held on the couch. At the same time, she was quick to proclaim that I wasn’t her boyfriend anymore. When I asked her what we were doing or where our relationship was headed, she got very defensive and basically made me feel stupid for asking such questions.

This last weekend was the final straw. We canceled our plans for dinner because she said she was ill. Later that night, I learned she was out partying with other friends. I called her on it and she flew into a rage blaming it all on me for checking up on her. She shouted that I was weak and insecure and an idiot and hung up on me. I actually started to think that she was right and called to apologize. Then she said I was humiliating myself and never to talk, text, or email her again and to stay out of her life.

So know I’m left wondering if this is narcissistic behavior or if she’s right and I’m just weak and insecure? My head just spins. Any advice or feedback would be appreciated.

Jay

Hi Jay,

You just got Narc’d!

It’s sort of like getting “Punk’d” by Ashton Kutcher except that it’s not a prank and there’s nothing funny about it.

I can’t diagnose a person I’ve never met, however, your description seems to indicate that she meets many of the diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. If she’s not a full-fledged NPD and/or BPD, she’s at the very least incredibly unstable and emotionally abusive.

You are not weak and insecure. Come out of the fog this woman has you wandering in and re-read the email you sent me as if your younger brother or best friend had written it to you. Would you think he was insecure and weak or would you tell him that this woman is a head case?

Honor her request (i.e., command) to never contact her again. *By the way, only a narcissist or someone with narcissistic traits “punishes” people by denying them access to their special brand of sunshine. In their mind, cutting you out of their life is akin to a death sentence. Meanwhile, most people feel better after time away from their NPD. Being banished serves two purposes: It’s a form of punishment so you can “think about what you’ve done.” It also sets the stage for you to play the role of the humbled and contrite supplicant who comes back on bended knee to plea for her forgiveness. If I were you, I’d run and never look back.

Unfortunately, it’s rarely that easy. As soon as she realizes that you’re not crawling back for more, you’ll probably hear from her again. Either she’ll pretend like nothing ever happened to test the waters (i.e., are you open to being Narc’d again) or will express displeasure and offense that you didn’t chase after her to try to win her over (forgetting that you were actually respecting her wishes—remember, there’s no winning with these individuals). Then she’ll give you mixed signals and imply that she wants you in her life or something equally ambiguous—just like she did before. As soon as she feels confident she has your affection, she’ll emotionally sucker punch you. Bam! You just got Narc’d! Again.

Why would you even give this woman a second thought? According to your email:

  1. She flat out told you she can’t handle emotional intimacy. The whole point of being in a committed relationship is intimacy, emotional and physical. You need both to have a truly satisfying relationship.
  2. She doesn’t even reciprocate physical intimacy, but uses you as a stud service and/or “security blanket” when she wants a cuddle.
  3. She only shows you affection when she’s putting on a show to appear normal to others. You’re her relationship “prop.” This is yet another way this kind of woman uses people as objects.
  4. She has wild mood swings that cause you to walk on eggshells so that you can never really relax in her presence. Over time, this will create a trauma response within you if it hasn’t already.
  5. She has a negative attitude, which doesn’t make for very good company.
  6. She puts people down for her own amusement and to make herself feel superior. This includes you. After a while, this will erode your self-confidence and riddle you with self-doubt and other insecurities—i.e., more trauma.
  7. She makes fun of small children and explicitly states she hates kids. She doesn’t sound like future-mother-of-my-children material, to me. In fact, if she were a cat, I’d have her spayed.
  8. She got mad at you for being “too nice to her.” This seems to indicate that she has some script in her head that requires men to be jerks while she plays the long-suffering victim. This is not good. If you stay with her long enough, you may start reacting to her like a jerk once projective identification begins and the emotional abuse continues to escalate.
  9. She got mad at you for busting her in a lie when she should have apologized to you for lying. Instead, she attacked you and blamed you for her dishonest and abusive behavior.
  10. She broke up with you in a crowded, public restaurant. Even if she isn’t a narc, at the very least she seems like an insensitive jerk.
  11. She belittled you and tried to make you feel stupid for asking very legitimate questions about your relationship after the highly confusing mixed messages she gave you. “Hold me. Make me feel desirable, but, hey, don’t think I’m your girlfriend or that I want to be in a relationship with you. What are you? Stupid?

You’re neither weak nor insecure. You got Narc’d!, which can leave you feeling weak and insecure. Consider yourself fortunate she cut you loose and don’t respond when she comes trawling back around to make you her human scratching post again. You deserve better and by better I mean someone who will treat you with basic decency, kindness and reciprocity, which should be your baseline requirement for all future relationships.

Kind Regards,

Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

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Narcissistic rage on open-secrets.

  1. Dan
    March 12, 2014 at 8:27 pm

    Scary stuff

  2. Dan
    March 11, 2014 at 7:15 pm

    I went through something like this.Lured into an instant relationship that was her idea.Then after 7 months she got cold and distant and the sex stopped.I was put in the friend zone for the next 3 months.The friend zone was more like the twilight zone.Hot and cold manipulative behavior until I backed off and unfriended her on Facebook.The next day I get a text from her asking if I unfriended her!I was surprised she even noticed.Now she has a new guy and I avoid her at all cost.Which is pretty hard because I live about 3 miles from her.

  3. Juggler
    April 7, 2013 at 4:31 pm

    I am an abused husband. Knew it from the moment I felt pushed into marrying and from then on by all the abusive traits that this site describes on abusive spouses.

    By the first year I tried to leave, actually moved to another country. She followed months after apologizing, well more like convincing me I was to blame.

    By year seven I left again, moved to another city. Months after she was moving in with me again, same treatment.

    Don’t even want to go into all the distortions and manipulation I was submitted to to take her back again. To make it short, there are kids, we are catholic and she is supported by her family all the way, even is she is wrong, she controls them like puppets and help her through all her twisted desires and outreageous demands on me.

    At first She convinced me I was the one to blame, my lack of responsibility, leaving my wife and kid, breaking my marriage promises. So I took her back with obviously less control on the situation.

    Then I started drinking to cope, and left for the second time. It was a terrible decision to do it under those circumstances, I started being attacked from every angle until she convinced me I was an alcoholic pervert. So I caved, join AA and cut all bonds to my friends and brothers and cousins, and took her back, with a totally defeated personality.

    That was 10 years ago. That was her master strike, I became a slave after that, a servant to the princess, no friends, no family, no distractions, only her and her desires. Which I can tell is not nearly enough, I am still a jerk, bad parent, bad husband, piece of shit, son of a bitch, pervert, alcoholic, bad provider, loser, ( I could continue, I probably have a collection of over 50 demeaning names and adjectives created specially for me by my ever loving non working sacrificed abusive life partner.) Pretty crazy! Ha!

    At some point when I left for the second time I started thinking it probably wasn’t me. I found a book on Bipolar personality disorder and started reading. It looked similar, but the illness, the lithium, the mental hospitals, sounded too much, so I let it go and forgot about her problems and focused on mine, obviously couched by her.

    My eldest kid is leaving for college, and I am terrified at the idea of being left alone with her, so I started looking for some answers with my few supporting friends and family I have left and that thanks to social networks I can still contact without consequences, also started looking at the web for answers. That’s how I found shrink4men while googling “abusive wife”.

    Then I remebered her brilliant manner of turning on and off her rages and attacks, one moment abusing me and the other happily talking to her friends on the phone with in the same 5 minutes and I said to my self, this is no illness, this is pure manipulation!, my WTF moment!, as beautifully expressed by Dr. Tara.

    Things at home are really tense since I found this site and Dr. Tara’s insights. I had my survival coping strategies, but reading all of the suffering by these personalities got me really setting up boundaries again and thinking of trying to run away from the insanity for the third time and hopefully the last.

    Wish me luck.

  4. Jim
    February 25, 2013 at 3:19 pm

    I would share my story, but it would just be a repeat of 96% of the ones told already. The only twist to mine that is different is my ex fiance was a friend from church who had been living a seperate life away from church with a married man. And yet, I stayed around, fell more in love until I was traded in for a newer model. Her farce continues, but at least I’m not part of it. I hurt all over from it. I feel stupid and weak and my self worth is in the toilet right now but I am standing strong and not returning the 3 calls/texts I have received. The confusion is the worst part. I wanted to believe her so badly when she said she loved me but it constantly gnawed at me, her actions/lack of actions never seemed to match her words. She just didn’t seem to be a woman in love. Turns out, she wasn’t and I can only pray I have learned, finally, to trust my instincts and not what others believe about these type women. Our friends think she is flawless and sweet and has such a good heart. It is only when you are close to her for a long time you see these things. I was told even by her friends and her daughter that she loved me. It was a lie.

  5. Ggggg
    December 4, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    Well time for my story I suppose. I met my current ex gf at work. We fell for each other extremely quickly. Thinking back now I should have seen the warning signs but I’d never even really knew about npd. We were hanging out the first couple of weeks and she started throwing a fit like three weeks in that I hadn’t told her I loved her. I should have know then… Anyhow like a moron I ended up saying it and it has all gone downhill from there. Things went really well for awhile or so I thought.

    About 6 months in the need to change me began. I needed to have my hair styled just this way. I needed a complete new wardrobe. I needed a better job. I needed to work out more. Keep in mind these weren’t thing that I though I needed these were things she though I needed. All of a sudden I started to see her intense shallowness. Everything was about how a person looked or dressed.

    As things got rougher and when I would want to sit down and talk about them there was absolutely no emotion from her. I would get upset and try explaining that to her and she would tell me to be more of a man. Heaven forbid if I got so upset that I had tears. I would then be called weak, overly emotional, and to man-up. It got to the point where I never even expressed my emotion anymore for fear of ridicule.

    Her mood was so up and down. Literally she could be in a perfectly happy mood and one minor thing would go wrong like her daughter made a mess with her crayons and she would GO OFF. I’m talking way overboard for some stupid little thing.

    I was constantly told that I was “too nice” to her even though I would do the things I was doing for anyone I loved. She would talk about this being “my problem” every time we sat down to have a talk about our relationship problems. She would say that I needed to stand up to her but every time that I did was wrong and ridiculed and how could I say something like that.

    A sad note is that I see the traits of her being passed on to her daughter. It was so bad at times that they would compete with each other to be the center of attention.

    A few days ago I had finally had enough. I called her out on how she had been treating me and how it had made me feel. She told me that I drive her crazy. I said that I won’t be driving you crazy anymore and would leave the next day. The next morning she was texting me constantly at work. She called me and left a message bawling on the phone about how she still loved me. After I got home I told her I couldn’t do it anymore. Then she guilt tripped me into staying until xmas for her daughter who I’ve obviously become very close with.

    Last night I went to use our computer and her email was open and I see she has been flirting with a guy nonstop from work for the last month or so. I’m so thankful that I stumbled upon this website as I’ve thought something was wrong or different for a very long time. Now I know. Currently packing up my stuff and getting ready to leave.

  6. November 25, 2012 at 3:20 am

    Unfortunately this is a very vicious cycle which will not end until you completely end any and ALL contact. I have been through this more times than I care to count. The last time, I moved, changed my phone number and my e-mail address.

  7. George
    October 14, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    Paul, you have at least identified the problem. You have made the first step. Find a good psychologist who understands these type of women and work through this. Get yourself out of this abusive relationship while it’s in the early stages. You’ll be so glad that you did. If you read this site for any lengh of time, you’ll realize that several of us were not fortunate enough to come to the realization in the early stages. It only gets harder and more messy with time. Understand the reasons why you are attracted to this type of woman. Understand the early warning signs and red flags. Make the corrective steps necessary in your life to avoid this type of relationship in the future. You might even make an appointment with Dr. T. as she is very knowledgable in dealing with this sort of thing. Keep reading this website as well. You’ll find lots of informative articles and user comments to help you better understand this issue.

  8. Paul
    October 14, 2012 at 11:20 am

    I need help to get over this. My gf is a narc she is the second one I have dated. This one i truly loved.

  9. Susan Savage
    May 26, 2011 at 4:40 am

    I only can say that the male victims of the female narcissist would probably have all the qualities of a good man. Why, because narcissists in general glom on to kind,empathetic,honest and loving people…EVERYTHING that they do not have and will never have. I am leaving a NPD man after 19 years of marriage. Also have studied the disorder deeply.I wish I had left years ago.Anyone reading this remember that you have all the great qualities missing in them. Actuallu to have been NARC’d in a way is a testament to what a good person ypu really are.Now if the female victims and the male victims who have been Narc’d got together you would most probably have a great relationship. That is if the Narc hasn’t completely destroyed you.And that is my rant for today.

    IN RECOVERY

  10. Dusty
    June 15, 2010 at 1:24 am

    I stayed with mine for 39 years and she has drug out the divorce for one more so after 40 years, 3 children, several foster children I finally was persuaded by a very knowledgeable counselor to quit hammering myself and move on. Everything each one has pointed out from Jay’s letter on has been real to me! I have discovered the rel meaning of love as a result. I have found it takes a balance between 2 people in all areas to make a marriage work. I have found a lady who is my soulmate and we have know about each other since our high school days. I have not had such a special loving person who treats me just as special and we have been open and honest in our communication working out our life path together. Thank you Dr. Tara for a wonderful helpful site.

  11. Scott
    December 28, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    Vantage1 and to anyone else who has suffered at the hands of a Narcissist to understand more and to come to terms with what you are dealing with ,I Highly recommend this site Melanietoniaevans.com.au .She is a expert on the subject (and even though it is geared towards women victims of Narcissism the principles are still the same for Men) also have a listen to her archived radio blogs ,they are most interesting

  12. Vantage1
    December 28, 2009 at 12:37 am

    @Scott: VERY good that you shared this! Thanks so much!

    Go to Dr. T’s article called “You Are Not A Princess…” And look for my post from December 16 called:

    MY EXPERIENCE WITH AN EMOTIONALLY PREDATORY BPD/PDB WOMAN (AND HOW I LEARNED TO BE A LOT SMARTER GOING FORWARD)…there are some similarities!

    Glad you got away!

    • Scott
      December 28, 2009 at 11:05 am

      Vantage1 , thanks do much for your comments ,any feedback is good feedback.What a site this is ,i feel as if i am part of a family and with people i can relate to on this subject as i do not know if all of you who have posted comments discussing this issue with people who have not researched Narcissism they kind of look at you after you have shared the story with them and actually they believe that half of it is embellished to fish for attn.This Site is now officially my bible and emotional pillow.That 4 months felt like four years and would never wish that scenario on my worst enemy .The hardest thing to fathom from all this and in which most of the people who have posted comments can agree with is

      1)How can a human being say the most vile things and never apologise for it
      2)Gain satisfaction in seeing another person practically beg to rationalise with them
      3)Never realising what they have lost in a partner
      4)In a instant emotionally detaching ones’self and linking up with another victim without a second thought
      5)and lastly never having the opportunity to make a proper closure on the relationship (you are left with abuse that you cannot respond to as that just begets more abuse).

      The saving Grace i want all of us to remember is we did nothing wrong (sure we might have made silly mistakes but that is part of being human).I move fwd in life like all of us in the above posts to know i did my best and my conscience is clear .If she cannot see the deceny in me then she has found and lost her Lotto winnings.God bless you all and go seek the true beauty of a relationship that each of us deserve .

  13. Scott
    December 27, 2009 at 10:32 am

    Hi Jay

    I sincerely hope you read this comment.After I read your mail ,my mouth hit the ground as most if not all you have been through i have experienced . Even though as i Write this it is 6 months on and i am just marginally starting to feel better about myself and probably at best salvaged 5% of my Self Esteem (how do i guage this ,i have no idea but that is how it feels at the moment).I had a 4 month relationship with what i would definitely call a high end Narcissist.At first i could not believe my luck . I thought i had met the women of my dreams(I know Cliched’) and more .Picture this a stunning Latino Women ,who dressed elegently and who oozed with immense charm.She preceded to set the foundation of commitment and us being “exclusive”(could not have been further from the truth).At the time my knowledge of Narcissism was negligible ,my only interpretation of the word was self absorbed .I had no idea how debilitating this behaviour could make me feel and nearly destroy me as a person .My opening Salvo was one day i commented on how sexual she was and i hope i could always make her happy,well did i pay for that !.As with your scenario (half way through the act she rolls over and automatically goes cold and states “So is this what you want”)I could not believe what i was hearing ,I paid this women a compliment and this is what i get in return.Her take on the comment,is that i should not comment on ones sexuality. On a social outing with her friends one of them came up to me and said “So can you tell in the room who is sexual” ,She had told our most intimate discussion to her friend.Next up was the “human error saga”.One night we went out for dinner to celebrate the success of her new job.In a hurry that afternoon i left my credit card at work and when it came time to pay i could not ,well from jekyll to hyde in T minus 30 sec .Went completely cold ,accused or at least insinuated that i purposely did this to avoid paying ,when i said i needed to go into work to retrieve my card (as i did not want it to be stolen or at the very least used ) ,she stated “well if you going into work to get it don’t bother comimg back!.Any decent human being would have given some consideration to this and said Well you can pay for the next meal and being late at night would have offered to drive one into the office to retrieve it.No it did not end there the second part of the punishment was to withold my bike (as i had ridden it over to her place after work) This was a Wednesday night , i did not retrieve it until Sunday. Like you i thought it was just a emotional response for me being so stupid in forgetting my credit card on such a momentous occassion.When we did finally talk (and this was after a heartfelt apologetic letter and the money enclosed),her explanation for her behavior was “i didn’t think you made mistakes like that”.Next on the horizon was the fake pregnancy , I had invited her over to one of my dearest and most kindfelt couple of friends house (in which she accepted ) .At the 11 hour before going over she mysteriously became ill and pulled out ,Towards the end of the evening after my friends had prepared a lovely fruit platter i received a SMS “by the way i am pregnant”.As you could imagine i was beside myself and subsequently called her to confirm this was true ,only to get a “don’t bother coming over we can deal with this latter, attitude”.After a D & M discussing how we would face the future with this child she then went cold again and stated that” you do not want this child at all “,(i never said that in the first place i merely wanted to go through all our options ,including termination if this was not the right time .I clearly stated that i would support her regardless). Her comment was to respond “i do not want you to influence me in any form to sway my decision one way or another” .I agreed and re-inforced that i would once again support her in any decision she made. I received a email at work saying “after our discussion the other night it seems having a baby is not viable at the moment so i will proceed with a termination”.That night i went over to see if this really is her final decision and to see how she feeling ,she was not home (i did mention i was coming over that night).The next day i receive a SMS to say”you do not have to worry anymore the job is done”.naturally i was upset and responded with a sms”my thoughts and prayers are with you “. I then got the response saying our relationship is over and proceeded to call me a coward for not accompanying her to the clinic.I then responded by saying as my last wish then ,can i least pay for the abortion and can you mail me the document (if you do not want to see me again).Well the abuse began saying that she does not want my stupid money and i am not going to waste a postage stamp in sending it .I then realised going from her past actions that this was all Bull#%!t.The final straw surfaced when by the 4 month she knew a lot about my past and on her birthday I got her a 5 star overnight stay in a city hotel only to be accused earlier in the night that i had had my arm around a girl at the bar (which was absurd) and back the hotel accusing me of sleeping with one of my female friends .As you can read Birthday night ruined.In my discussions with her i was honest and up front with my past relationships and all i had was a Facebook friendship with a girl i dated a little over 20 yrs ago (there is and will never be a rekindle in that relationship as there is too much water under the bridge and i have well and truely moved on ) .Well i receive a call from my ex stating that a so called mutual friend claims i have been texting her and maintaing constant contact,(my last contact was one sms and one msn stating that i was involved with someone and at the time happy in a relationship or so i thought!.She mailed her direct on facebook and abused her saying “i hear you have been mailing Scott after all these years why you pathetic bitch” .As i result of that i had the worst argument i have ever had with another person in my entire life ,90 mins of pure anger this moment of honesty sealed my fate . In our final discussion i offered to pay for counselling to try and save our relationship (i even offered to pay for it ) only to have my Birthday card , apologetic letter returned on my front doorstep.She managed to punish me with two more emotional torpedoes .The first one was not to return my camera back and the last was a salvo of abusive sms’s saying its the last time a date a loser who has been in the same job for 15yrs and dates divorcees and single mums’s .It is the abuse that hurts the most as i so wanted this relationship to work only to go back in each time seeking validation and acceptance to which i will never receive .I really am glad i found this site and your story Jay as it does make me feel a lot better and i know i will get through this , the destructive force that a Narcissist has in his/her arsenal is spine tingling.I also thank you Dr Palmatier for your insightful comments as well.If you ever experience the early signs of being in a relationship with a Narcissist i urge you to abandon them immediately before you become hooked in trying to set things right and if you persist it is almost impossible to turn your back on.

  14. Lauren
    December 24, 2009 at 7:44 am

    Jay,

    Here’s what helped me finally see the light. Writing down what the person did was very enlightening – you already did that. Read it and ask yourself if someone else – a friend perhaps wrote this – what you would think about that woman as a person. For me, depersonlizing someone’s actions who I was oersonally involved with was the key. As you know, this is very hard to do. I did it by thinking of my two daughters and asking myself if someone treated them this way, would I be upset. You can use your friends or sister/brother if you don’t have children. You might try to figure out why this behaviour seems acceptable – even a little. Another great way is to ask yourself if this is how a six year old behaves – most Narcissists seem to me to be stalled at about age 6 and all the good and bad that goes with that. Lots of men have fallen prey to her but lots of mem’s radar also went off immediately and she never got any further with them. In my case, I finally figured out it in therapy that it was my horribly disturbed parent who is a narcissist and who knows what else. This is true in many instances it seems and it stretches back generations. This has affected not only relationships with men but my work relationships – allowing myself to be treated poorly at work. I’ve let the nastiest men on the planet into my life because they seemed normal to me. Funny though, I have let nasty men into my life but never a nasty woman. There’s a relationshipissue thing there and that might be the case with you. Likely you don’t have nasty people around you as friends. Did this woman have many female friends? probably not. I’m a recovering co-dependent. Count your blessings you didn’t have children with this monster-she really has done you a favor. Or that you didn’t (hopefully) have a parent as a Narcissist – it is literally hell on earth and there is no doubt in your mind that evil lives among us. God Bless You Jay.

  15. December 14, 2009 at 5:52 pm

    OK, Here is my story. Hope this helps all you men out there who have been sucked in to BPD woman. I met my ex almost 8 years ago. She was a beautiful single mom who seemed to have her self together. I was just coming out of a failed very short term marriage to an anorexic/bulliemic nutjob. You would have thought I learned something! Red flags were going up right from the start, and I broke it off with her twice, before she convinced me that “I have never felt so safe with anybody” and “That was the best sex Iv’e ever had” “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me” And the kicker I LOVE you sooo much”
    These comments were all in the first 2 months of dating! also all of her other men in her past were losers. Later on I find out she was the other woman from her previous marriage, she was sleeping with another woman’s husband and got pregnant. He left his wife and married her. As soon as she got a farm for her horses(stay away from horsey girls gentlemen) He was gone on trumped up abusive behaviour and lost everything. Every guy she has hooked up with is someone she could get something from. I was the tree guy/landscaper. She needed some work done and next thing I know we are going out for drinks etc… She got pregnant and we had a son. I quit my job,became self employeed and stayed home to help raise him. She was in nursing school. (Beware of the liberal brainwashing of the left based feminist proaganda involved with this program) I’m not saying nurses who love horses are all bad, but just beware.
    Anyway next thing is she wants to have guy friends, which is fine if your sharing a healthy committed relationship. But the sex started being withheld,verbal abuse was constant. And a negative, toxic attitude towards me and others was constant. Oh sure there would be the odd “I love you” usually when she was coming off a rage episode. Constant belittling like “You used to be in better shape” or “You don’t have an A type personality so you won’t be able to run your own business” “you never buy me flowers” etc..
    So the eventual happened, “I want you out of this HOUSE!” O.K. fine. Let’s take a break I thought, well 4 years of seperation with her dangling her girly parts every 6 months to a year, along with wanting to stay together for everybodies sake, ended. She started seeing some capenter dude down the road. Didn’t tell me about untill I get the phone call that she wants to talk. “I tried the dating thing and it didn’t work out.” She wants me back! What a SUCKER. After lots of strained communication, I said things I wish I had’nt, but I was hurt. She checks herself into a 6 week rehab for booze and eating disorders. Along with anti anxiety meds to boot. And now she’s back with carpenter dude.
    Fellas, please do not waste any more time or energy trying to figure out BPD’s. It is a waste of time. These woman do not have the depth compassion, or empathy to give you what you deserve.! This site is a God send! Take responsibility for your own mistakes, not hers and get the heck outa there!!!

    Self esteem intact and Happy

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