Do Narcissists Feel Remorse? Bernie Madoff says, “F— My Victims”
New York Magazine is running an article on Bernie Madoff’s life in prison. The piece reports that Madoff unrepentantly declared to fellow inmates, “F— my victims. I carried them for twenty years, and now I’m doing 150 years.” In an excerpt from the NYM piece, one inmate recalls a conversation in which he and Madoff discussed how he took advantage of old ladies:
Pollard thought that taking advantage of old ladies was “kind of fucked up.”
“Well, that’s what I did,” Madoff said matter-of-factly.
“You are going to pay with God,” Pollard warned.
Madoff was unmoved. He was past apologizing. In prison, he crafted his own version of events. From MCC, Madoff explained the trap he was in. “People just kept throwing money at me,” Madoff related to a prison consultant who advised him on how to endure prison life. “Some guy wanted to invest, and if I said no, the guy said, ‘What, I’m not good enough?’ ” One day, Shannon Hay, a drug dealer who lived in the same unit in Butner as Madoff, asked about his crimes. “He told me his side. He took money off of people who were rich and greedy and wanted more,” says Hay, who was released in December. People, in other words, who deserved it.”
My jaw dropped when I read these statements because they so perfectly illustrate what I have long believed: Narcissists/sociopaths do not feel remorse for their hurtful and/or criminal actions and believe that their targets deserve to be screwed. According to Madoff, his clients deserved to be fleeced by him and should be grateful that he “carried them” for 20 years (carried them into bankruptcy and out of retirement, that is). Madoff’s statements also illustrate how narcissists and other scam artist/predators rewrite history in order to be able to live with themselves.
Are You Married to Madoff?
If you are married to a woman with similar traits, she may never explicitly articulate, “Fuck my victim(s)” (a.k.a, you and your children), but this is the fundamental attitude from which she operates. Not only does she not feel bad for her bad behaviors, but she also believes you should be grateful that she makes the time to abuse you.
Narcissists, borderlines and other predatory sociopaths—even if the ones who portray themselves as victimized, fragile “waifs”—view people, including you, as need gratification objects. You aren’t seen as an individual human being with needs, feelings and rights. You are an object to be used at her discretion just like a pair of shoes or a car or a nail file or a punching bag. Inanimate objects don’t complain, which is why your complaints, requests for kindness and affection or your basic expressions of emotions are met with alternating bewilderment and impatience. A shoe doesn’t complain when she wears it too roughly, so it’s unthinkable that you would complain if she treats you too roughly. In fact, who do you think you are to complain about anything she does? You live to serve. Period.
You can’t fix a relationship with someone who doesn’t view you as a human being. You also can’t use reason or the facts to resolve these issues. Just like Madoff, these women are better historical revisionists than the Texas Department of Education. If you can’t even agree on the same reality there’s no fixing the relationship or her. Just like Madoff’s clients, you will rarely see a return on your emotional and financial investments with this kind of woman. They will eventually leave you broke, brokenhearted and just plain broken.
Postscript: I had to Google “prison consultants.” Please follow the link above if you haven’t already. Who knew? A booming business serving white collar criminals. You really can learn something new everyday. Here’s another link from wikiHow on How to Survive in Federal Prison. I’m thinking of doing an adaptation for Shrink4Men.
Shrink4Men Coaching and Consultation Services:
Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.
If you find the information I provide free of charge helpful and valuable here on Shrink4Men, please consider making a donation via PayPal to help me maintain the site.
Leave a Reply Cancel reply
- The Domestic Abuse Hotline for Men and Women Needs Volunteers
- Cutting Ties with an Abusive Parent, Sibling or Child
- Obsessed with a Crazy Ex: Are You Stuck?
- Why BPD/NPD Mothers Sabotage their Children
- Comments from the Edge: Understanding Crazy Talk
- Update on the LtCol. Joel Kirk Case
- Radio Tonight: Interview with Daddy Justice
- Brass Balls Award: Husband Sets Boundaries with Slacker Wife and Tells Her to Grow Up and Get a Job
- More Thoughts on FOG, Hoovers and No Contact When Ending a Relationship with a Narcissist, Borderline, Histrionic and/or Sociopath
- Radio Show Tonight at 9pm EST: The Golden Uterus Effect and Mary Richardson Kennedy
- Winning vs. Taking: What Does Winning Mean to Abusive, High-Conflict and/or Personality Disordered Women?
- Man Woman Truth Radio Tonight at 9pm: Divorcing your Kids, Part 1
- Tonight’s Man Woman Truth Program Postponed Until Wednesday, May 2, 2012 at 9pm EST
- Man Woman Truth Radio: Getting Honest about Boys, Part 2
- Why Men Should Not Put Women on Pedestals
- Radio Embed: Thinking with the Big Head Instead of the Little Head
- Radio Embed: Getting Honest about Boys
- Radio Tonight at 9pm EST: Getting Honest about Boys
- Is Kim Kardashian Guilty of Domestic Violence? Dr. Drew Thinks So
- Cop Talk: Domestic Violence Statistics and Police Procedures, Part One
|Roger on Divorce and Break-Ups: There I…|
|shrink4men on 10 Reasons You Can’t Com…|
|Tam on 10 Reasons You Can’t Com…|
|Roddy on 10 Signs Your Girlfriend or Wi…|
|Bob on How Do I Divorce My Abusive…|
|Roger on Divorce and Break-Ups: There I…|
|silencedogood20 on Is She a Crazy Bitch? A Q…|
|shrink4men on 13 Signs Your Wife or Girlfrie…|
|bpdhell on 13 Signs Your Wife or Girlfrie…|
|phillip on Is She a Crazy Bitch? A Q…|
A Shrink for Men Blogs
- New blog post: Why Some Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Mothers Sabotage their Children shrink4men.com/2012/10/02/why… 7 months ago
- New blog post: Please Sign the Petition to Impeach Judge Lori B. Jackson shrink4men.com/2012/09/28/ple… 7 months ago
- @LawRunning - just did. Thanks! 7 months ago
- @LawRunning I rec'd one. Any idea what this is about? 7 months ago
- New blog post: MWT Radio: Interview with Lt. Col. Joel Kirk shrink4men.com/2012/09/17/mwt… 8 months ago