Home > Abusive relationships, bullying, divorce, Parental Alienation, relationships, Social Commentary > Man Woman Truth Radio Tonight at 9pm: Divorcing your Kids, Part 1

Man Woman Truth Radio Tonight at 9pm: Divorcing your Kids, Part 1


What do men do when the marriage is over, but the ex-wife uses the kids as a permanent, go-to method for continuing her vindictive and vengeful behavior? For many men, there is no good way out. They are, out of love for their children, locked in to a lifestyle of continuing abuse. Frequently the children are enlisted by the mother to share her hatred and animosity for the father, and what was once a broken marriage becomes a broken family.

Some men are forced to consider an almost unthinkable solution, which is to say good-bye to their children. It is a problem that no man wants, yet many face.

Some men live by a code as fathers that no matter what the circumstances saying good-bye to their children is not an option. Unfortunately, in some cases, that position results in more chaos, for him, and for his children.

Sometimes staying in the mix is the wrong thing to do.

This is a very difficult and controversial topic, but tonight on the Man Woman Truth Radio Program we will address it with frankness and honesty.

We invite you to join hosts Paul Elam and Dr. Tara Palmatier for a rare discussion on the difficult decision to divorce your children.

The phone lines will be open at 310-388-9709 for your calls, and after the one hour program both Paul and Dr. T will be present in the Stickam room for further discussion and to field questions.

If you are a father feeling trapped in an endless pattern of destruction by your ex-wife and dealing with children whose minds have been poisoned and turned against you, please join us for this very special program.

The show airs live on May 21, at 8:00 Central Time, US, which is 2:00 a.m. May 22, in London and 11:00 a.m. May 22 in Brisbane. If you have not yet requested membership in the Stickam Room, you can do so through the link below.

SHOW PAGE

STICKAM ROOM

Shrink4Men Coaching and Consultation Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

  1. santamaria
    June 25, 2013 at 12:44 am

    Well said. May the purity of your heart be something your daughter got from you.

  2. Adrian
    June 24, 2013 at 11:36 am

    Been there, done it, bought the t-shirt.

    I knew from the day I was made aware of daughter’s impending existence that things were most likely going to go from bad to worse. When her mother’s (exact) words changed from ‘I’m not trying to trap you’ to ‘I’m pregnant, I’m happy and I’m keeping it’, I knew I was in for a bumpy ride.

    I would have preferred to walk away at the start. However, my conscience got the better of me and I wondered whether I could be certain it was the right decision if I hadn’t tried. In retrospect I should have walked away on day one. Then again, in hindsight things would have been simpler if I’d made sure my daughter was never conceived in the first place. I should note that my love for my daughter and her worth as a person are entirely separate issues to her mother’s conduct and the grossly sub-optimal circumstances she was conceived under. In my case it resulted in several years of slander, the mother using my daughter as a hostage, bogus intervention orders and culminated with accusations of sexual abuse in the Family Court. The mother was never charged with perjury or malicious prosecution. (The court psychologist stated that the mother was mentally disturbed and that the allegations were false, but may not necessarily have been malicious, which made proving malicious prosecution beyond a reasonable doubt impossible).

    Knowing what I know now, I would never entertain the idea of having anything to do with someone who considered entrapment to be acceptable behaviour. Anger is a normal emotional response to perceived injustice and I’m hardly surprised that so many men become frustrated under the circumstance. Fortunately for me, I was aware that it was the one emotion I knew I could never afford to express in court. (The last thing I needed was to found in contempt for losing my temper with a judge or being sent to anger management). Ironically, it was the emotional dissociation that had rendered me naïve enough to become involved with my daughter’s mother that also allowed me to extricate myself. I may sound calm as I write this, but I can assure you I wasn’t and it was most likely having people I could debrief with (who had no contact with the mother) that saved my bacon.

    Ultimately it became a game of strategy. Under the circumstance, whatever course of action I took was unlikely to be of any great help to my daughter. (Any increase in time with my daughter resulted in her mother feeling rejected and losing sympathy, which in turn resulted in subsequent sabotage of whatever time I had gained with my daughter.) In reality, this made the choice easier; I was in no position to help my daughter until such time as she could access me independently. Therefore, the only two variables I had to be concerned with were my own welfare and being a functional and useful role model to my daughter when she was older. So my primary goals became preserving my health and sanity. The reality was that fighting someone who could manipulate several government departments into doing their dirty work was a war of attrition that I was bound to loose.

    Fortunately, I realised that I had a tremendous opportunity to grow as a person, (the same opportunity that had been prematurely crushed when I was duped into being a sperm bank with a chequebook). I was aware that my ex would be out to rain on my parade, so I made a list of all the goals that she was unable to interfere with. Over ten years, I’ve gone back to school, played in a band, ran a business, got fit, learned to cook, changed careers and dated enough women to find one that I consider a genuine equal and companion. I found there were plenty of other opportunities to make a positive impact in people’s lives, which helped abate the effects of being slandered and being made out to be evil incarnate. Getting ahead financially wasn’t feasible, but I’m happy in every other area of my life and set up for a good career.

    There are still times when it breaks my heart to think about my daughter. I have no doubt she feels abandoned. I have kept all the correspondence from years earlier. I’m not out to denigrate her mother, but I’ll be damned if going to protect a distorted perception of someone who would have been happy to have me falsely imprisoned as one of society’s lowest scum. Hopefully one day my daughter will come back into my life. I genuinely want to help her reach her potential and have a happy, healthy life, but if she’s learnt that playing mind games, seeking short term gratification and seeking sympathy are more important, there’s another seven billion people out there whose lives I can make a difference in.

  3. santamaria
    September 5, 2012 at 12:00 am

    This is, sadly, a reality that has happened to my husband. He stayed in an unhealthy relationship for the sake of the kids and would have continued to stay until she met her “soul mate” and left him and the kids for a more exciting life. They picked up the pieces and carried on for many years. Then the ex didn’t like me being in the picture and her tactics changed. Hurt him through his kids. This article is textbook to what he has had to learn to suck up and still hold his head high. He has and continues to be the bad guy, the awful parent and the one they are “afraid of'”. To be very honest, they should have some fear of contact with him. After the lies they’ve told over the years and the horrible things they’ve posted on facebook asking another family member to hurt my son their fear is real but not what they are implying to others. With the years of enduring this and seeing the irrationality of their projections and gaslighting, I don’t feel any need to defend or explain his actions any longer to family members who seem to have been hoovered in to their tales of woe/victimization. We are now going on 7 years of no contact which is for the best. Time does make it easier. For a while we had hoped for apologies then maybe we could work on salvaging what remained of a relationship. Now, we’ve reached a point where we don’t think that is ever going to happen. From time to time, I check out this web site and every time I do, everything hits so close to home. Thank you Dr. T for all the good work that you do.

  4. juan sanchez
    June 11, 2012 at 6:16 am

    I missed the radio show. How can I hear or read more about this. Because I am going through exactly what I just now read. I know there is a solution out there. Help a brother out.

    • shrink4men
      June 11, 2012 at 3:24 pm

      See the link in my comment below.

  5. Shirley elliott
    May 30, 2012 at 1:18 am

    Hi. Is there a replay

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