Home > Abusive relationships, Borderline Personality Disorder, bullying, divorce, Marriage, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Psychology, relationships > Winning vs. Taking: What Does Winning Mean to Abusive, High-Conflict and/or Personality Disordered Women?

Winning vs. Taking: What Does Winning Mean to Abusive, High-Conflict and/or Personality Disordered Women?


There’s a new article on www.Shrink4Men.com that explores what “winning” means to abusive, high-conflict and/or personality disordered people. To an abusive BPD/NPD, “winning” is about taking from others, hurting and controlling them. Winning is not about working hard to achieve a goal. This explains why these individuals are rarely happy, even when they succeed in taking material assets, relationships and other tangible and intangible things from their victims.

Here’s the link:

Winning vs. Taking: What Does Winning vs. Taking: What Does Winning Mean to Abusive, High-Conflict and/or Personality Disordered Women?

Shrink4Men Coaching and Consultation Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

  1. nick
    April 18, 2013 at 6:22 pm

    So I have been with my wife for 8yrs, and married to her for 3yrs. since the begining though i noticed problems with insecurity, and neediness, I dont like that kind of thing, but in small doses, its hardly the worst thing a woman can do. Fast Forward 8yrs. In that time she has/had, accused me of cheating everytime i talk to any friends or family, letting her friends or family in the house while she is gone is grounds for a huge fight. she starts little arguments out of left field, and wants to make them huge, when I refuse to engage she tells me I am a bad husband that does not care about our marrage, becuse, according to her, she did/does NOTHING wrong. Ever. And if she is forced by evidence to admit her actions are wrong, all of a sudden its me who made her act this way, and now I am wrong to expect better. Anyway I have gone about as far as i can with her (so sad), i knew she was wrong i just did not know there was a condition or disorder for it. i have been doing all the things that are described here over the years naturally. now that i know what is really happening here i can feel better about taking that next obvious step (again so sad). thanks everyone involved .

  2. juan sanchez
    June 14, 2012 at 8:54 am

    I’m all new to this scientific view of troubles that us dads go through and I love the input. I feel like I’m growing stronger.
    I’m not new to the B.S that baby mommas create.
    I still want peace, but I will soon give up with that and just ignore.
    But, do you think I should let her hear or read this website?
    Willyour knowledge help her wake up? Or snap out of it?
    Or should I just use it for my own source of logic?
    Being patient

    • Mellaril
      June 14, 2012 at 11:38 am

      Juan,

      This is a legacy site. The new site can be found at http://www.shrink4men.com/index/

      I suggest you repost this post over there.

      As for the answer to whether you should let her see this site, the answer is probably not. Once they know you’re catching on to them, things often may take a turn for the worse.

      • SNM
        June 14, 2012 at 11:58 am

        Juan I would say definitely do not let her know you might be on to her. As Mellaril said often times it takes a turn for the worse. It sure did for me. My STBX is in a profession that should recognize these kinds of behaviors. When she found my hidden copy of the book “Walking on Eggshells” she hit the freakin roof. Demanded to know where I heard of these things and why I was diagnosing her without being a Psychiatrist. It was pure hell for me for several months.

        Better off keeping it to yourself and start watching for the behavior signs. Set boundaries and see how she reacts.

        Then decide what you need to do.

        Good luck. Patient and calm is good.

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