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  1. Iain
    December 8, 2013 at 4:56 pm

    My ex girlfriend as drink related issues. She made up her mind that she was going to go to her dads to try and pack in the drink. I had rang him to come and get her because she thought that I was going to call it a day and she pretended to commit suicide. Turns she was faking it, but her dad and step mum came up and took her to their house. Before she left I said are we splitting up she said no and are we staying together she said yes. She left me her ring and I loaned her my old mobile. She said I am coming back so save it for me. I said ok.
    On her way down to her dads I text her with I might never see you again, but I want you know that I love you. She text back and said hiya darling, I said where is my kiss. She replied Loveuxxxx. Later I replied again about never seeing her again, and she was the best woman that had ever made love to. She replied the letter [ I ]. I sent a text that was not meant for her and was just asking someone to come to my address first then pick steve up later. Then I heard nothing until I rang her dad and asked how she was and could I speak to her. He said no she is in bed. I asked if I could speak to her some other point and he said as I said she is in bed. I opened up to him then and said I need to know if she and me are ok, and said that im going mental not knowing. he mumbled a bit and said all im saying at this time is she is ok.
    I left it a few days and I text her. She didn’t get back to me so I rang her. again no answer I rang and text her dad a few times, and twice he called me back and both times said if I don’t stop texting and calling he would get the police. Then I got a text off her and she said that she had no had a drink for a full week her head is straight and she doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore, and to leave her her family and friends alone, but I didn’t contact her friends. I asked why what have I done. she didn’t answer. I asked did you ever love me. No answer. I asked her to tell me what I have done and I will move. She still didn’t answer. So I go mad and said that I have posted her ring through her letterbox and im moving on with another woman. I then got an nasty text saying things that she said I was controlling she only had sex with me because I was harassing her for it when she was drunk, but she wanted sex 24/7. Then she said im sorry if you think that I’ve used you. I ignored that text. A few days later the police phone me and told me not to contact her again nor reply if she contacts me. Before she went we were close there had been some issues she hurt me but she was making amends with me and wanted to stay with me, and I wanted to be with her. We were her and me against the world……..
    COULD ANYBODY HELP ME ? SHE IS THE ONE I WANT TO BE WITH, BUT CAN’T CONTACT HER ANYMORE.
    She came back at the weekend 07/12/2013. Dropped some boxes off and a suitcase from her dads. As the house that she is renting is too big for her and the letting place are trying to get her another place to live. She lives next door to me normally. I wasn’t in when she came back I was out, but my CCTV picked her up, and I saw her look over to my flat she also had very visible in her hand a book that I bought her a few days before she went.

  2. John
    May 1, 2013 at 4:37 am

    Wait until you start recording your conversations for your safety and sanity. Playing them back is often frightening, and somewhat depressing. And when you let her know you’re recording them, she’ll go ballistic, and claim you’ve violated her rights and the basic trust of the marriage. It’s typical behavior for an abusive liar to react poorly when they realize they are on record, and can now be held accountable to anyone that wasn’t at the moment of their hate and anger filled tirade toward you. I’m navigating these waters very carefully because she has more than once threatened to call the police because I’m bigger than her and if I raise my voice its a “violent” attack. Be very careful, all of you, men and women both.

  3. Michael Thompson
    December 7, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    The mother of my children who I love so dearly, was physically and emotionally abused as a child by her own mother. She has insecurity issues, and fear issues. I am however, a very confident yet assertive and aggressive man. So when we get into a heated argument I get very angry. This anger reminds her of her horrible past with her mother and she goes into defence and lashes back at me and get’s in a frenzy. I don’t know what to do anymore. We are at our wit’s end. There’s a lot more to it but I don’t know who to talk to about this.

  4. MOHAMED
    August 9, 2012 at 4:00 am

    hi,youre not the only one.ive been there for the past 14 years.you try to make it better but as time goes it just gets worse.my wife of (bipolar/bpd) left me 9 times in 5 years.we finnaly got divorced in april this year.she still texts me, how much she loves me and misses me.its very hard but the only way to get yourself esteem back is leave,never look back and go no contact.its the only way that will work.ive been sucked back into the relationship a dozen times with promises from her that it will never happen again .it just takes a tiny probmlem to trigger her and u become her emotional punching bag. i lost my self esteem and this effected my work with the result it damages your finances.im now 50,ive started life all over again wth no money and depressed,but im getting up slowly.away from her is the only way to start a new life and its far more peaceful. hang in there buddy.it gets better with time,be strong and dont think its going to get better,it never does.tell yourself you deserve better.dont let her suck u back in with promises to change and how much she loves u and u are her soulmate.get support from friends and family and a bit of therepy helps.good luck be strong.

  5. lostintexas
    August 8, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Hi All.
    I’m new to the posting, but have been reading for a few weeks. I must say that I thought that I was the only guy outh there that thought he was going crazy……..now I know its not true.
    I’m nearing the end of my relationship with my NPD/BPD girlfriend.
    I have decided that life is too short to fight daily about things that I dont understand, nor ever will. Can anyone tell me how to get a “small” part of my self asteem back? Seems like I can’t even pick my head up anymore.
    I am right now in a hotel room righting this reply, because if I was at home with the NPD, I’d be accused of looking up something “inappropriate” on line. It is pathetic. I can’t even get on the computer for work without getting the 3rd degree, and then its so bad that I have to wait until she goes to sleep to work. I can’t take all of thee abuse any more.
    Is there life after my slow, painful, deliberate beat down?

  6. Reginald
    July 26, 2012 at 12:46 am

    i don’t know for sure if my ex has bdp or not, but it sure sounds like it. we started a year ago in july 2011 as a one nite stand. then the following week started casual dating, then onto a relationship withing 3 weeks. she would later tell me she fell in love with me that first nite. at the time i was separated from my wife and starting a divorce. she made me feel as if i was the best man in the world. funny thing is that first nite we were together and talking between making love i told her my life story lol, it seems. i kinda figured with me telling her how my ex wife had ruined my credit and my credit and i didn’t have any extra money for the next 6 months as i had to pay off some bills she would have run off scared. but to my surprise she kept calling me back. but then something strange started happening. she would break up with me every thursday or friday, then make up with me on sunday or monday. i would ask why and she would say she didn’t know why. now i thought this was strange, but since i had been with my ex wife for 19 years and felt miserable and she was all i knew i just figured this was normal behavior. at the time i was 38 and the girlfriend with bdp was 44 and going thru menopause so i guess i assumed it was hormones. and besides when i was with her and it was good, nothing else seemed to matter. also other little things would come up but i guess i just pushed them aside cause of how i felt when i was with her. i mean if i didn’t answer my phone she accused me of cheating, if the time she couldn’t get in touch with me didn’t make sense to her i was cheating. it took me taking her to my work area to show her my reception wasn’t as good as hers. when we went out she accused me of looking at other women and flirting, although i pointed out to her she had to let me know said women were flirting with me. but then she started saying how since i was still married she was an old fashioned girl she couldn’t be in a committed relationship like that. so she broke up with me, then the next day said maybe we could casually date again. this was strange because now we spent even more time together. she begged me to spend the holidays together, thanksgiving, christmas, and new years. then the day after new years she just quit talking to me. also note her ex narcissist boyfriend started contacting her again. so on 1/25/12 after not talkin to me all of january she begged me to come over and be with her. that nite she told me she could get used to us being to us being together again. then the next nite i tell her i love her and she tells me to have a nice nite too. later i found out she was out on a date. then that saturday she took another guy home from the nite club i met her at in front of me. valentines day she told me she was living with her ex and not to contact her again and move on with my life. may 25 she calls me back and tells me she really wants to see me, the next nite she begs me to come see her at 3am and we slept together and i told her i still felt the same but i didn’t want to casually date again, she told me i was the only guy she wanted but we should go slow. come to find out that meant she was already seeing 2 guys and her ex but she knew if she told me that i wouldn’t want to be in a relationship. so she waited til i was back in and she told me she was dating other people. i saw text on her phone to confirm that she was sleeping with the other guys, and if you go to her front door on a sat or sun morning at 3am you can hear the bedsprings as her bedroom is close to the front door although she still denies she was with anyone else, however she always pointed out we were not together and if she wanted to she is free to do what she wants but does not owe me any explanations. she then told me that she liked hanging out with me and everytime i said i didn’t want to be in this arrangement she would say i was ruining any chance of us being together. also that the other guys only wanted her for sex and i treated her good, but she didn’t want to get back into a relationship just yet. then she flips it around and says that the other guys treat her better then me and since i only want to hug and kiss her and smother her she would rather be home alone and bored then spend time with me. but she still wanted to hang out with me. i just don’t understand still after reading all the articles what to know or believe from her anymore.

  7. Dick Brown
    July 18, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    I am not alone. I can’t count how many of these comments exactly reflect the experiences I am going through. I am a calm friendly, logical individual. No drama in my life for the exception if the occasional hysterical maniac I know as my wife of eight years now. I married her when she got pregnant. I knew who she was and besides the pregnancy would never married her. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. A wonderful person most of the time, But every now and then her responses were way over the top reactions. The comments above help me put it all together. She chased away all of my female friends and x-girlfriends first. She found their numbers and called each one and did the exorcist act. Anyone close to me got the same treatment including mom and dad. These type of people are very passionate, they lure you in with the passion. You think they will change. You give them love and security, but they create drama out of thin air. They make it up and believe it as truth and then persecute you for it as if it really happened. Yelling cussing throwing calling your friends and family, traumatizing the kid. Then it just goes away like nothing ever happened. Until the next time. I served her divorce papers last week after another of her performances. I told her if it happened again we were done. Of course she insists it’s all my fault. I told her doesn’t matter if you are abusive again (By my interpretation) I will go forward with the divorce. I don’t belive anything will change. These people cannot change………..I will post back in a month.

  8. MOHAMED
    March 1, 2012 at 4:05 am

    hi, iv’e recently started logged onto yr website and find it relaxing,knowing that i am not alone with this problem of an emotionaliy abusive partner.my wife and i married for 14 yrs.iwe met 3 months after my divorce and she was like a breadth of fresh air.she was passionate,loving and very caring.in all that i experienced short bursts of anger and verbal abuse but overlooked it after sincere apologies everytime it happened.she always got very angry when things dindnt go her way or when finances were low.after every outburst she would scream divorce.after 10 yrs of marriage she finally left to be with her family 500 miles away.her family encouraged her to leave me saying i gave her this mental illness.3 mnths later she returned full of remorse and promises to be better. this went on approx every 8 to 10 months leaving and returning altogether 7 times in the past 4 years.2 days ago we had an argument about finances again and she has decided to leave.she now feels she has employment so she does not need me.” called me a loser,sly person,f….in useless and many words.this would make me feel very useless as in the past and wondered if any other women would want me.im finding it very hard to let go as i love her with all my heart.we have no kids together.i have 2 girls which are 21 and 22 yrs old and independant.she has three girls of which the 16 year old is living with us and also showing signs of bpd.my wife has attempted suicide twice,both after an argument and her daughter had cut herself with and razor blade and received stitches in hospital.

  9. Don M
    January 7, 2012 at 10:01 am

    After spending 3 years with a now 35 year old borderline, I have been blessed with a beautiful 2 year old son, but the mom is crazy. Her routine is a predator hunting down new men, and placing her sexual hook in them within 60 days. And then the sex never ends. You think you are in heaven when after a while, it is hell in disguise.

    I am the fourth different man she has a child with. Rageaholic is the best description. I was arrested twice, had to go through family court to see my son, and even after court established guidelines have been set, she is still resistant.

    $14,000 later, my career in limbo, my family alienated, her sexual hyoeractivity now has her with a new man, 60, as when she is done using the men in her life, she literally has other men on the hook so as to never be alone.

    Her outer beauty is the devil in disguise. I am 62, another dad is 65, one is a man of color 41, and the last is of Spanish decent, is 38 and is in prison on drug charges for another 7 years. And no one knows what happened, but more likely her disdain for the law put him there.

    She has no sense of empathy, lies about everything, and controls all men by getting them into bed and using the push pull psychological treatment to keep them around.

    Best I can say is, when all they talk about is themselves, are grandiose, always trying to be thinner, wear revealing clothing, use physical violence as negotiating tools, and must win at everything, it is time to run gentleman.

    She cannot and will not change. Get a blood test, find a place to go, and find a friend to help you go through the release you will need to remove the tentacles of narcisisstic behavior that will eat at you until you decide to heal.

    This is about emotional control, and will use it on everyone to get her way. God Bless on your finding the true love in your life. Which is you, self respect, and your family.

    RUN!!!!!!!

  10. rasmussen
    July 2, 2011 at 3:40 am

    I cant believe this is something others have expierienced, and how every single circumstance mentioned ,has been my life for over 10 years ,I keep hoping that someday she will finally click , and change how things are and finally realize how harsh it is to treat someone this way . I often wonder why i can`t force myself to stop and say “hey if you cant love and be a person who feels ,and cares then im gone” but i always bite my tounge , i just widh ther was a way to make her stop and to give back even a third of what i do.. thanks for giving me a feeling of hope ,and sight of relief,

  11. March 20, 2011 at 7:40 pm

    My sister found your website and now just about everyone in our family has tuned in as we try to support her son who is going thru what is described in your website. It has helped us all to understand what he is going thru and why he feels so helpless. It has also helped relieve my nephew of some of the guilt he carries for not being “man enough” to stay in his marriage with this very sick young woman who has verbally abused him for the entire ten years they’ve been married. In our church he is constantly told that he needs to pray more, repent, do this, do that…all of which he has tried but to no avail…. If he needs to do these things so should his soon to be ex-wife, but she doesn’t have anything to repent of she says. She has continually esmaculated this guy until his sense of worth has plummeted to the very bottom. He is socially astute, physically fit, good looking in a Mark Paul Gosselar way, he is witty, he is smart, he works hard (two jobs to try to keep up with massive credit card debt she rings up “because she will not be deprived of what she needs.”) And saddest of all, is that their two children, a 7 yr old boy and 5 year old girl talk to their dad like their mother does. Thank you for all the wise commentary and comments…..so helpful!

    • November 21, 2012 at 12:59 am

      hi i was reading your link and fully understand where you are coming from we have watched our son go through the same thing for the last ten years and it is heartbreaking, yet he stays in this marrage for the children. the other day he turned up at our place with blood from his head where she smashed him with an object over the head. i was so angry and upset for him, yet didnot let it show, as in the past it has come back on us. its like if we say something he then blames us, so we say nothing, which is so hard as he is dieing inside slowly and i have know idea how to help him. he has left seveal times yet end back up with her and with in a few days it starts again. he was the best provider to his family. now he doesnt even have a job. she got a pay out last year and brought herself a nice car, his car which used to be in great condision now is off the road and she has smashed objects over it causing heaps of damage and he has no money to fix it up. she wont allow him to drive her car so he has to walk everywhere. it is so sad as he used to be a hard worker a great provider and he always made sure his bills were paid, now its the total oppersite he has nothing and is in dept he payed all her bills and has nothing for himself. what do we do

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