Services and Products


Individual Consultation and Coaching

I provide confidential, fee-for-service, private consultation/coaching via telephone and/or Skype to both men and women and accept payment via PayPal. My practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Typical sessions focus on:

  • Exploring and identifying personality disordered behaviors and traits in your partner, family members, colleagues and friends.
  • Validation that you’re not “the crazy one.”
  • Understanding the dynamics of personality disorders and other maladaptive behaviors and how they affect intimate relationships.
  • Understanding the dynamics of abuse.
  • Understanding and dismantling your buttons, by which your partner manipulates, controls and abuses you.
  • Understand your family and childhood experiences that make you susceptible to this kind of individual.
  • Developing strategies and coping skills such as detachment and boundary setting if your relationship is ongoing.
  • Exploring the option of divorce and developing strategies to navigate the family law system.
  • Developing strategies and coping skills such as detachment and boundary setting post-break-up or post-divorce.
  • Dealing with affects of parental alienation.
  • Instituting and maintaining a No Contact policy.
  • Mourning the loss of the relationship and letting go.
  • Learning to recognize the warning signs of potentially abusive and/or personality disordered women and men.
  • Learning how to avoid the traps set by emotional predators and bullies.
  • Support for family members who have lost their son, brother, nephew, cousin, father or grandson to an abusive partner who has isolated him and cut off contact.
  • Support and strategies for girlfriends and wives of men whose former partner were abusive and personality disordered.

The above list isn’t exhaustive. I work with both men and women who have been in these kinds of relationships or have suffered collateral damage from them. Please contact me at the following email address if you’re interested in working with me in a professional, one-on-one basis:

shrink4men@gmail.com

Unfortunately, I do not accept insurance nor do I work with the abusive partners.

Group Sessions

I am trying to enroll members for group phone sessions to begin the first week of April. You will need to make a 4-week/4-session commitment and abide by the group confidentiality policy and rules. The rate is 1/3 less than the individual session rate. It will require a basic screening prcess and be conducted via teleconference. At least 4 members to start the group and maximum membership is 7. The session will be 1 hour and 15 minutes.

Please contact me at shrink4men@gmail if you would like to enroll.

Donations

If you find the information I provide free of charge helpful and valuable here on Shrink4Men, please consider making a donation via PayPal to help me maintain the site.

My Virtual Shrink

MyVirtualShrink is an alternative to traditional psychotherapy and coaching. It offers a wide range of non-gender-biased web-based interactive guided sessions for a variety of issues. For a 20% membership discount, enter this promotional code: IBWURBABUFK when you register.

Best,

Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

  1. BigGreen
    May 31, 2013 at 9:15 am

    I am tired… so tired, I come from stress at work to more stress at home day after day, yesterday she blew up because I asked her if her can of cola is finished? i meant wtf??! today she is dead silent, giving me hateful looks and when she talks is to insult me or call me names.

    She is the craziest person I know other than myself, because inspite of all of that I love her for a reason I dont understand, I dont want to miss her when she is gone, I dont want to have to worry about her if she is ok or hurt if she is happy or sad.

    even our sex life is shit, once a month, twice if i am lucky, we have been married for 6 years and I am in my late 20’s (she is about same age, a bit younger), before we got married we used to do it twice a day easy. the min that ring went on her finger it cut out the circulation to her sex drive it seems.

    Why can’t I let go? why do I care about someone who is so cruel, disrespectful, negative, angry and so selfish?
    sometimes I feel like just jumping from the highest floor and have all this end, maybe she will be happier if i die…but i am not crazy so i wont really consider doing that, its just very strong feelings to do so that i will never act on… I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss being happy and not worried and stressed everyday even on weekends.

    a part of me wants out sooooo bad, but another is still in love with her good side (when she is not crazy), i just cant let go and i dont know why or how… i just feel the need to care for her and protect her even on my own expense.

    I went on a work trip for a week (first time we are apart for that long since we were married) every day I woke up without her and came home without her felt so beautiful, so serene i hadn’t felt that good for seven years, but then the last two days of the week felt horrible, I just really missed her… and when i came back she was the most loving I ever seen her (lasted a day) and I even got a BJ (before marriage it was something very regular, now it happened 2 times in our entire marriage)… next day back to hell on earth

    why am i so messed up? how can I be better and let go? is there any hope for me?

    • Trout Deal
      December 30, 2013 at 7:39 am

      I could have written this about my wife, but I’m only 3 years in and the sex is still fantastic though not as organic and natural or romantic as I’d like, it’s more like she’s acting and sometimes I long for that real connection and spontaneity. Costumes are cool but I’d like my wife back please. :)
      Lining up with my worst fears, the good times are becoming fewer with more fighting in between. We have had the same argument for 3 years. It goes like this. Me: you seem distant lately. (Text from dude shows up on her phone while she’s sleeping and I look) Me: it hurts me when you tell these dudes I beat you, drain your bank, don’t want to raise our daughter, and you’re unhappy. Why would you lie? Her: You hack into my private business and take everything out of context. You’re such an a–hole. Me: I’m an asshole because I caught you telling your ex your p–sy thinks about him all the time???
      Like seriously, and the weirdest part is I know she doesn’t mean to do it, these guys have no clue about anything real, and it doesn’t even really bother me as much as it would in real life. It’s like I consider this relationship a dream now, where things don’t have to make sense and walking out would be a selfish act of dishonor and faithlessness. I swore that I loved her so much I’d never leave her no matter what. I know she has these issues and I try to conquer them by giving more than I have to give and now 3 years into it I’m realizing how much destruction has happened and considering leaving to save my gorgeous daughter. If I run and start a new, easier, calmer life, I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop thinking about how great it would have been if I worked through it with her and found the magic cure for this psychotic mess. It will never make sense to me. I can’t believe this is a real thing.

    • kingscroftexile
      February 6, 2014 at 3:51 pm

      Everything you’ve written could’ve been written by me , The last time mine blew up was because I started to make a cup of coffee before fixing her bedroom door instead of instantly sorting out her problem , I ended up walking out (we don’t live together but boy was (am? ) I under pressure to move her in . That was two months ago but she facetimed me last week but I didnt answer , I spend half my life hating her and the other half missing her…….If she hasn’t got BPD im the pope!

  2. Rick M
    May 12, 2013 at 1:49 am

    I was married 36 years to a very difficult woman, self centered, had me on egg shells, guilt, manipulation, lies, vindictive, absolutly no empathy. She had us going to therapist after therapist to ‘fix’ me and in misguided attempts to make things better I readily admitted to anything she made up, . Only one therapist actually listened, probed and understood what was going on and confronted my wife. Every other therapist took her word for everything, her fake tears, stories, total bs. If after reading the testemonies on this site you think you are in a relationship with a bpd- run, cut of your arm if you have to but get out of the relationship. When I finally couldn’t take it I walked away from everything and only took what I could carry in my hands. At 56 years old seeing my life amount to nothing it is the most depressing place. I had a son that loved me, lived in a good neighborhood, had a good job- its all gone now. Try to get out before you spend your life trying to do the impossible. You have no idea how bad it can be.

  3. James
    January 14, 2013 at 6:03 pm

    No theres no hope. That is hard maybe even devastating to hear my friend but these psychopathic trates never die. Belive me after almost 12 years and thousands of hours of research, all I’ve found from hundreds of testomonies is NEVER ENDING PAIN foor the one involved with the bpd.

  4. Brad Payne
    January 13, 2013 at 4:59 pm

    I have been married for 31 yrs. I seriously beleive my wife has either BPD and or,NPD
    we have been separated now for almost 18 months. I left after 30 yrs. Of off and on bad behaviors. No, I don’t think that she is the whole problem. I know I share and hold my portion of responsibility. I have been moderately to severely depressed since 2004. I read your blog last evening and I feel the pain of so many of the people.
    I was a victim of the therapist / spouse tag teaming you mentioned. And actually I had finally gotten my spouse their willing to do the therapy and he shifted and bought into her manipulative story changing and blame shifting as you described. And this gave her even more confermation that I was the problem. This happened in dec 2012. We had been to another councilor in November and December of 2011 and the councilor at that time diagnosed her as mentally, verbally, and sometimes physically abusive. At which time my spouse discontinued her therapy.
    My question is is there any hope for our relationship ever being a healthy one for me?
    I truly love this woman. I have 4 children the youngest is 17 and lives with me. and 6 grandchildren. Grandma and grandpa just don’t get divorces. Thank u.

  5. Simon from London
    January 5, 2013 at 12:58 pm

    Hi Dr Tara. I forgot to say that I’ve got a recording of when my wife busted my ribs with a guitar on boxing day.Sounds exactly the same as Lt.Col.Kirk’s wife. Poor guy& kids. I’ve other recordings since until yesterday of the madness of my wife afterwards The “I’m still to blame & if she wasn’t with me she wouldn’t be like she Is”.Her Golden balls Ex has reappeared to the fact they are meeting up, all on tape.Not to sure if you would be interested in them to help others?? if so i can send once i get free of my wife’s monitoring.Im going to stay calm not block out with booze and learn. Many thanks Simon from London

    • shrink4men
      January 5, 2013 at 5:04 pm

      Hi Simon,

      It’s important to have the recorder on at all times. This way, police, a judge, a custody evaluator, etc., can hear how she flips from calm to psycho rage out. Otherwise, if you get in front of a misandric judge or constable, they (or your abusive wife) can’t claim you provoked her.

      Even then, depending upon the biases in your system, it may not be enough. Very good idea to limit alcohol consumption. You must have a clear head and be in control of your emotions and not take any of her bait.

      Good luck!
      Dr T

    • Simon
      February 4, 2013 at 9:19 pm

      Hi Dr T. After 15 years I’ve finally found the strength to get out of this crazy life from being with my sick wife. Since Boxing Day having been physically attacked again and with busted ribs,I’ve gone thru every possible trick she could throw at me to get me back. I’ve literally seen her change minute by minute sometimes with Love for me then pure hate.Coming into me with sexy underwear on and saying “am i sure i want to give all this up” Er, yeah.Coming in to my room at least twice thru out so many nights”saying she just wants to smell me and give me all her love”.sleep deprivation was another way to grind me down usually then she works on me mentally so hard and i give in. not this time.this apparent god like moment of clarity she had was about as real as a flying pig that she had awareness of her wrongs & yet behind my back viewing properties & getting legal advice! I’ve lost over a stone since this xmas thru the stress.not going to advice this weight loss program to any one though! In 10 days time she has got a £12,000 (12 frigging grand)full face lift operation by a top London plastic surgeon.she has absolutely lost the plot & she like many other guys have said about these women is very attractive & turns heads.I was so worried for her but I’ve had to stop this showing as it was getting me no where.she doesn’t need it & it will not fix her hole in the soul. she’s even said I might see a new her. Ugh! I’ll see someone that’s still mad inside.house on the market today so things moving at 100 miles an hour. She’s gone now mentally, it’s like I don’t exist, she looks thru me as if she never knew me. I’ve told her there’s no contact ever once I’m out. think she smiled as if to say, your be back crawling on your knees like her friend said to her in one of her emails.finding this site has with the support of family got me to man up but I know I’m broken and gonna take a long time to get well. Not going to get involved with any one as I’ve read enough here to know it wouldn’t be right for me or a new woman. Hey, anyone in Chicago October 2013? I’m over for the marathon which by then i hope I’m up & running back properly,as I’m now officially travelling on my own so be good to meet people.nearly forgot to say, a young lad I know has definitely got one of “our” crazy woman and keeps getting hoovered back in. It’s un canny the similarities. He’s on board & on this site learning. good luck to all the guys that are struggling on this site but have hope you aren’t alone or mad. Thank you Dr T & everyone, I’m still staying close. Simon London ( ive got control of my own accounts now, minus £12000 mind you,so a donation on the way)

  6. Alfredo
    December 30, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    This website and the information you provide has made a difference for my mental health and support. Thank GOD for this website and you all of course. Thank you Dr T look forward to communicating with you

  7. Sharyka Alvarado
    December 17, 2012 at 3:03 am

    After being in a relationship for 7 years there is no ring, I wonder why we won’t progress. I went to ask my boyfriend and it always turns into a big fights, I have started losing faith and begin to question weather I should stay. He claims he wants someone who has their life together, but I work 2jobs, pay a share of the bills, look to progress my life. I fear he is just making excuses to not marry. My question is how can I figure out weather what he means? I feel like I am not enough for him. Which I believe is wrong.

  8. Al
    October 3, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    Do you sell any books or audio books.

    • shrink4men
      October 15, 2012 at 2:43 pm

      Not yet, Al.

  9. Cliff
    September 4, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    Hello Tara

    I have just come across your site, and it is really very interesting. I have a problem which I do not know how to address.

    I live with my Wife and Three Children, Two Sons aged 13 and 10 and a Daughter aged just Three Years of age. My Wife has always been a Bully and also Isolated me and my Children from my Mum (there Nan) and there Two Half Sisters. My Wife has now taken to just talking in her native Hungarian tongue in the House, and wont allow my Children to speak there Native English Language. She keeps them Cocooned upstairs in a Bedroom, for which they Eat and watch Tv. She wont let my Daughter downstairs anymore, and if I try to talk with my Sons, she is always there vetting what they say.

    She never tells me where she is going with them, and I am not allowed to take them anywhere. She has now even taken to taking my Sons Mobile Phones way, for days on end, so that I cant contact them, and she also controls my Sons Laptop, all his passwords and has even made him remove his sisters from his Facebook page.

    I now want to go for somer kind of Legal Parental and Residential order, to break this madness. I have been told that Judges will not split up Children from there Mothers, but surely as there Father, I know this is not correct or normal.and I would make sure they would grow up in a normal environment. Do you think I can press charges on her for things that she has done over the years, because she needs to be confronted with what she has done so wrong. Would our Children be taken away because it almost looks like it is Abuse, from both Parents, as I have allowed this behaviour to continue, but who would believe me.

    I now have recorded proof on my Phone, but can this be used as evidence, as I dis it without her knowledge of me recording it?

    My Wife has also Physically hit the Boys, and also has hit me many times whilst I have been driving with the Children in the car. She has Bruised my eye, and threatened me with a Knife before. She said she would like to watch me die slow whilst she laughed into my face, this she said in front of the Boys.

    What do I need to do to get the ball rolling, and is the past situations relevant to the present.

    To top all of this, she is a Devout Christian going to Church Twice on a Sunday, and is a TA at a special needs school in Emsworth.

    Kind regards

  10. Simon Read
    September 2, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    Oh my god. I live in London and have found this site which has truly been a lifesaver for me as I’m not alone. My wife is a control freak is what I typed in and up this popped! I’m leaving my wife as in now after reading and learning with this guidance.i feel free of her control and making me feel like shit after 15 years of fighting.im in the stage now where I’m able to not engage in her not believing its over and still,bloody still wants me to change for us. I’m 42 my wife is a bit older and I have a daughter from my first marriage who is 22. Shit I thought my first wife was crazy when she sprung the bulimia sickness on me aswell.dont know who I’m talking to here but I don’t care if I’m being judged as its a release. I’m a builder and have done some modelling and have financially done ok but I’ve isolated, shouted at my daughter, family, lost friends and just become a shadow of a man. My ex wife to be is never happier than when I’m down. I spent 18 months in AA cos she convinced me I’m a drunk. I’m not and never was but no I wanted to numb out from her digs,snipes and cattle prod. It’s always something with me and she’s never happy. We went to counselling and the therapist who was a lovely woman how happy I was. I said at this moment below 40%. My wife replyd that she was a 100% a happy person and didn’t have the issues I have. Always has been said to me that without me she wouldn’t lose it and I say to her that when I lose it I’m responsible for me. I’m probaly talking jibberish so I’m going to stop. I’ve read everything on this site and just so grateful and I will contribute some money once I can work out how my wife has syncd our iPhones and iPad. I can’t get emails or send.my mobile is [REMOVED]. I’m in New York this November for the marathon on the 4th. Found running last couple of years and yet I’m addicted to this aswell apparently. Thankyou so much.

    • shrink4men
      September 3, 2012 at 6:20 pm

      Hi Simon,

      I removed your telephone number because I don’t think it’s wise to post. You are welcome to contact me at shrink4men@gmail.com once you have a secure computer/phone/email.

      Kind Regards,
      Dr T

  11. Nat
    June 29, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    Married for 25yrs, August. Wife inadvertently admitted a while back that “she wanted to get/ knew she was pregnant before I knew” has always made me feel as though I was an unwitting participant… YUK! I love my kids, though. I’d never tell them about their mothers “plan”. (youngest, now just graduated from High school) I recently found that I couldn’t hold in bad feelings toward her sister, (she’s always been protective of) for her sister’s obvious and ongoing narcissistic behavior and repeated “crossing the line” instances. Her spinster sister, 67… has lived with her mother/in her mothers house for approx. 60 of those years, which by my allowance, is right across the street. In my frustration, I finally could take it no longer… spoke to her sister directly of my feelings, instead of complaining to my wife about her, which really IS hard NOT to do. I only spoke out otherwise, because none of her siblings, nor her mother would stand up to her sister – (even though they admit: she bothers them too!). This had disastrous consequences. Though I thought I’d made it perfectly clear to the sister that we (2) were adults; that this situation was between US and that if she wanted to discuss it further, I was, of course – right across the street… could not resist having a “self-pity party” and aired her side of the issue with her 90yr. old mother and tried to drag her 60-something alcoholic brother into it. (he says he drinks to try to deal with her… neither really belongs where they are) Mom’s VERY capable and WE have always lived nearby. Of course, in short order, my wife was involved (by the sister and mother) and RAGE ensued by my wife. Her typical behavior, EXPLODED with a rant that was vicious/mean and laced with excerpts from many years past of issues that should/could have been addressed/ discussed and hopefully resolved back then. (her method and theirs too) has always been NOT TO attempt to resolve issues, but rather pretend there are none and just let time fully erase them). I sought help from a local “Psychologist” (after experiencing my wife’s melt-down and subsequent feelings of extreme despair/doubt and threats of her leaving me) after I experienced (2) episodes I think were nervous breakdowns/blackouts/depression. The Psych “studied” me, but never helped me – even though I clearly/repeatedly BEGGED to learn ANY coping skills of any kind. I stopped letting her “study me”. Here I am. I went online today… (should be working) looking for references to links between “Marital impasses and loss of libido”. my latest symptom. HELP! I’m a little surprised to find that other men REALLY DO – HAVE FEELINGS TOO! Signed, NAT

  12. Sandra
    June 23, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    I am a woman married to a BPD man who fits every descriptor of BP plus Narcissicim.
    I am into it 18 years now and I can tell you the only thing that gets better is my clarity that it is not me, it is HIM who has the mental illness. If you are involved with a BPD, you know that it is no small thing to finally realize this. Just two days ago my husband was raging that he called me an albatross around his neck because I must have said something nasty to him. I had calmly told him that that had hurt my feelings deeply. It has been a week of hell because he has gone into his “black hole” as I call it. It is no use talking to them as if they are rational, they are not. It is no use expressing your feelings quietly, in hopes of compassion and respect–see above. It is no use “walking on eggshells” these people are going to explode with rage anyway. I try to control our universe in order to avoid his triggers. It is impossible. These people CREATE triggers. I have not left him because I have no where to go , financially, and I have a cancer history (that’s not surprising, is it?).
    But I urge any of you to leave this toxic person how ever you can, as fast as you can.
    Don’t fall for the professions of love, the promises to take care of you, the temporary adulation– you will always get the flip side of all of that. You deserve better: convince yourself of that and don’t believe you can “help” this person or manage their behaviors. In the end they suck the life out of you, turn you into a person you don’t recognize, give you cancer…I could go on and on.
    I am desperately unhappy and fed up and I plan to follow up with the Dr. who started this blog. And I hope I can someday escape this prison.
    Manage your own escape ASAP!

  13. Delinda
    April 29, 2012 at 2:14 am

    Yes I’m a female reading this information. Twenty years ago my brother was killed by his wife. I knew in my heart of hearts that there was something REALLY wrong with her but NO would even consider she was the abuser. I could see it but had no name for it and mo one to back me up. With her very twisted lies and a twisted lawyer she hired before she killed him she was never charged. But now their 2 sons are grown and starting to ask questions. Both are married one has a great normal wife and one has a BNP wife. So this has me looking for answers to the things I have known in my heart. Ways to explain if I can some things to my nephews. One thing has come out in all if my research is that my Mom is BNP and so was my Grandmother. I wish I had known this growing up. Our Mom was so mentally abusive. So attention men!! If you are in a relationship that looks anything like what has been described in these articles and you don’t have children RUN!! No it won’t get better. RUN!! I saw my brother be destroyed in every way before she actually killed him. RUN BOYS RUN!!

    • James
      October 15, 2012 at 6:20 am

      I married a npd had two kids with her that i now raise by myself. There were many times I wanted to commit suicide because of the crazyness she caused but how could I leave my babies defenseless? She still tourtures me to this day. Thankyou soooooo much for this website it’s given me something to cling to knowing others have survived……

      • shrink4men
        October 15, 2012 at 2:43 pm

        Hi James,

        I am glad you find the site helpful. Also check out http://www.shrink4men.com

        Kind Regards,
        Dr T

  14. David
    April 23, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    I think i come in this category. I’m very confused as to wheather I’m loved or not! I do everything to try keep everything smooth,yet this is hard work. I got in trouble the other day as the indicators didn’t work correct on the car. I am very lonely which is slowing me down in looking for a new job. Sex life is non existent. I try to talk,but get told to stop my crap again. I’m just trying to work things out. Thank you

  15. abner
    January 5, 2012 at 12:47 am

    Keep FN around with her, and she will “accidently” be pregnant and you will be F&^%$d for life.

    • abner
      January 5, 2012 at 12:48 am

      PERIOD!!!

  16. BDT
    January 4, 2012 at 11:26 pm

    wow! you have no idea what a relief it is knowing i’m not this horrible, insensitive person who can’t figure out how to get things right with my gf…and a special relief knowing that i’m not “crazy”, and there is a reason i’m so stressed out since we met. i’ve read just about every article and comment on Shrink4Men dealing with the disorders, victim role, etc… my gf fits most of them and it scares the crap out of me! i’m even going to counseling on her recommendation to learn how to deal with my “insecurities”…yeah, it’s that bad. now here’s my question to anyone who can help….i just moved to a different city and live with my gf. how do i break it off? we share all of the financial responsibilities, and i do care about her enough to not just leave her hanging financially. i appreciate ANY legitimate feedback.

    • abner
      January 5, 2012 at 12:44 am

      Just do it, and do not look back. It took me 17 years to realize that I’m not that special to my ex. They/she will replace you in a heartbeat! Her professed feeling of “love” for you is about an 8th of an inch deep. Tough to accept-but true.

  17. Kat
    August 4, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    Dear Dr. Tara,

    Thank you for this site and for all the information that you and others share. What can parents do to support a son who is in this kind of marriage?

    He is our one and only and has always had a great relationshiop with his family and us. Since his marriage (3 years ago), it has become strained. They live 2 hours away and we have respected their time, relationship and privacy.

    I can give you many examples of false accusations she has made about us,through him, and we have not been allowed to discuss them. She has gotten sick at the last minute for the majority of his (our) family holidays and gatherings. This is making it very difficult for him to be part of his family. At times he has had glimpses of what is going on but has said if we try to work through any of the issues his wife will divorce him. For instance, two years ago, we all agreed to see a family therapist and then she refused to go.

    My question is…what can we do to improve the relationship with our son and his wife? We are open to suggestions and will try anything.
    Thank you,
    Kat

    • blueskygirl
      May 2, 2012 at 8:07 pm

      Hi Kat,
      Your post is dated 8/4/10 so I don’t know whether you are still checking back in on the blog. If you are not, I hope it’s because your situation has improved. If you are still “blogging” I hope you will see my reply. We are in much the same situation. My son is our only child and, after almost 11 years and two beautiful grandchildren, we are still at a loss as to how to deal with the hateful drama caused on a regular basis by our daughter-in-law.

      Dr T’s website has given me comfort that we are not alone with our experience. After maintaining our silence for so long I am just beginning to explore how we might learn some strategies that will allow us to support our son without our son and his children suffering for it. I would be grateful for anything you could share.

      • Mellaril
        May 2, 2012 at 8:47 pm

        If you’re interested, please check out the Forum. There are a few parents whose children are in abusive relatioships that post there.

        • Blueskygirl
          May 3, 2012 at 2:38 am

          Thanks Mellaril… I’ll check it out!

        • Kat
          May 3, 2012 at 3:10 am

          I will too, thank you. Kat

      • Kat
        May 3, 2012 at 3:06 am

        Hi blueskygirl, we still are and it has gone from bad to worse, sorry to say. That is exactly what it is, hateful drama on a regular basis. It’s sad to think he is accepting this behavior. We have no grandchildren, that must be so much more painful and difficult. All we have ever wanted was to be a part of their life, but it was as if this has been done intentionally to isolate him from his past life, family and friends. Why should anyone have to give up their family for their spouse? She actually told me he has a new family now……..and what, we disappear? Of course his wife is his priority, that is a given, and she should be, two totally different relationships. There is so much I want to say, but for now, thank you for responding and look forward to hearing from you again. Kat

        • Blueskygirl
          May 3, 2012 at 3:36 am

          Kat, I feel your pain so deeply. I have no problem dealing with anyone else in my life but feel helpless here. She holds the power and there is little we can do except to reassure our son that we are here for anything he may need. Your comment about your son being isolated from his past life, friends, etc rings too true. We are very close to our grandchildren, ages 9 & 2. We put up with the drama and lies so we can spend time with the kids. I have thought it would be easier to deal with the situation if we didn’t have grandchildren but they are the joy of our life! I’m sorry that you haven’t experienced that joy. Maybe if your son eventually recognizes the sad truth of his abusive wife he will move on. My greatest hope for my son is that he will have a kind, loving and supportive relationship like I have been fortunate enough to experience. Thank you for reaching out…

      • Corrine
        August 7, 2012 at 7:23 pm

        I feel for both of you. I’m in the opposite position in that its my step-mom who is this way. It’s sad to see my dad suffer along in this marriage for 15 years but he does it because of his two daughters with her. He’s flat out told me that he won’t stand up to her because she will leave with his kids. There has been so much family drama over the years that I’m ready to throw in the towel over our latest incident where she scheduled his 60th birthday party without checking to see if me and my adult sisters were available. Two of us have vacations/ obligations that we can’t get out of. When I kindly asked her to please consider if there’s any other day, I’m told that if it means that much to me to rearrange my schedule to be there for him. But alas, we continue to cope with her so that we can be in my dad’s life and he can have a relationship with his grandkids. I’ve only recently discovered many articles online about Narcissism which have confirmed what I’ve thought for years, that she is not mentally right. This has been at least a little helpful in that I can recognize she has many many of the traits so it changes my thinking to not expect a socially normal response from her and it also frees me to not care what she thinks of me cause her opinion is worthless and warped and not based in reality. My husband’s sister in law is also this way and has cut off his brother from our family. She had for many years treated my mother in law like crap and my mother in law tells me all the time how thankful she is for a daughter in law like me. But it saddens our family that we’ve been severed from his brother and our nieces and nephew. So sorry you both have to deal with it hurting your lives as well. I will pray for you and your sons.

        • Kat
          September 26, 2012 at 7:57 pm

          Corrine, I’m sorry you are going through this with your Dad and brother-in-law. This behavior is so difficult to comprehend……. we’ve been trying to deal with these issues in a logical way and we’re learning we will never make sense out of nonsense, no matter how hard we try! Thank you for reaching out, your family will be in my thoughts and prayers also.

  18. Raoul Penson
    June 7, 2010 at 10:13 am

    Thank you for your website/blog, things are becoming clearer. I still need to “talk” to you about my situation. I hope it will be sooner than later.

  19. Scott
    June 6, 2010 at 4:00 pm

    Dr Tara J. Palmatier,

    I truely am in need of your sevices. Would you please contact me?
    Scott

    • shrink4men
      June 6, 2010 at 4:08 pm

      Hi Scott,

      You can contact me directly at shrink4men@gmail.com.

      Kind Regards,
      Dr Tara

  20. mark wiley
    April 4, 2010 at 7:18 pm

    this is the only site i have found to help me with my wife.
    i thought i was going crazy with all her stuff, i just dont understand why i cant be done in my heart with her with all the stuff with her.I have 3 girls 16,14,11 and for their sake i have to figure it out and i cant.
    anything i can do even group services i see you have i would do i have reached out to my family and friends and church and nothing helps,she has filed for divorce and locked me out of house 4 times because i have come against her with her drinking and verbal and emotional abuse and has hit me in past, i have never in my life think i would be here in my life. i have been with her for 16 years, her father is worse than her.and her whole family is at odds with each other all the time.please help.

    thank you
    mark

Comment pages
  1. March 15, 2010 at 8:26 pm
  2. March 15, 2010 at 8:25 pm

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