Home > relationships, Social Commentary > 5 Men to Avoid on Valentine’s Day: Don’t Be This Guy

5 Men to Avoid on Valentine’s Day: Don’t Be This Guy

cupidThere are certain days of the year that throw relatively well-grounded grown men and women into a tailspin: Valentine’s Day is one of these days. Is it silly? Yes. Is it stupid? Yes. Valentine’s Day sends many men running for the hills and causes others to morph into events coordinators.

Many women have experienced the Valentine’s Day vanishing act when in the early stages of dating. It’d be funny if it weren’t so… sad. There are certain patterns and techniques some men use to avoid spending time with a new woman at this time of year. My advice: Don’t be this guy.

1) Mr. Drag-It-Out. All of a sudden, the CPA you met on February 2nd, has an Obama-like schedule and it’s not even tax season. Just to prove he’s not threatened by the prospect of unreasonable female Valentine’s Day expectations, he contacts you well before V-Day and “casually” mentions how busy his week is and suggests a “coffee date” at least 5 days after the 14th; just so you won’t spot the connection–pretty slick. Hey fellas, you’re not fooling anybody. This ploy is as easy to see through as a sheet of Saran Wrap. Don’t do it. Just don’t.

cowardly-lion2) I’m “whelming.” Some guys unashamedly tell women that Valentine’s Day is “too overwhelming” for them and they can’t possibly get together until the day has safely passed. On the one hand, you get points for being honest. On the other hand, lighten up and realize that if a certain woman is applying too much Valentine’s Day pressure, she’s probably not the right woman.

When men tell me V-Day is “too much pressure,” I bite my tongue and don’t ask, “Why? Did you lose a great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great uncle in the massacre of 1349?” There’s no greater turn-off than the moment when I realize that I have more testicles than my date–especially since, technically, I don’t have any testicles.

3) El Disappearo Grande. This guy simply vanishes into thin air until hearts and flowers day has come and gone. He’s a variation of Mr. Overwhelmed above.

4) Mr. Nonchalant. This guy asks you out on or around Valentine’s Day, but makes no mention of the holiday. This guy is ok. I’d rather hang out with someone who acts as if V-Day isn’t a big deal because, in actuality, it isn’t a big deal, than someone who engages in complex machinations in avoidance or goes “ostrich.” Although, straightforward and reasonable expectations are always the best.

5) Mr. Romance. This guy is as bad as the first three, if not the very worst among them. He goes overboard and tries way too hard. There are few things more awkward than when a guy you barely know shows up with flowers and a Valentine’s date that’s as over-choreographed as a Baz Lurhmann dance sequence. It accomplishes the opposite of its desired effect: You immediately begin to search for the well lit emergency exits.

When you’ve just met someone, slow and steady wins the race. Granted, there are many, many women who make a giant to-do about Valentine’s Day. You have my sympathy and GOOD LUCK. I wouldn’t want to deal with those creatures either. In fact, that’s why it’s important to give men a lot of leeway in tolerating the above behaviors. They’ve developed a sort of Post-Traumatic Stress response to some women’s over-demanding, whiny, needy expectations of Valentine’s Days past.

Just think: It’s a whole 364 days before we’re confronted with this “holiday” again. Take a sigh of relief and enjoy the day… if you can.

Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries or send an email to shrink4men@gmail.com.

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  1. February 9, 2009 at 3:18 am

    I happen to like Baz Lurhmann dance sequences, thank you very much.

  2. shrink4men
    February 3, 2009 at 6:43 am

    Hi Clark,

    Thanks for reading and commenting. Love…we find it in the most unlikely of places. I found my love at the American Airlines baggage claim carousel at LAX. I’m totally serious, btw.

    Happy Valentine’s Day to both you and your wife.

    Kind Regards,
    Dr T

  3. February 3, 2009 at 6:26 am

    I met my wife on Valentine’s Day. We were in college, and had both been invited to a “God loves you party.” It was only for people that were NOT in a relationship. 3 couples from that night eventually married, 2 of the 3 still are 11 years later.

  1. November 17, 2010 at 2:52 pm

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