Home > Abusive relationships, divorce, Parental Alienation, Psychology, relationships > Why Parental Alienation is the Act of an Emotionally Abusive Bully

Why Parental Alienation is the Act of an Emotionally Abusive Bully


Justice is Blind-Family Court FolliesAre you and your ex going through a difficult divorce or break up? Do you worry that she or he is turning your child(ren) against you? Are you shocked and confused by how your once warm and affectionate relationship with your kid(s) has become distant and hostile?

Parental alienation is no joke. It’s a form of child abuse. The custodial parent is usually the mother and it’s typically the custodial parent who engages in parental alienation. However, there are men who also engage in parental alienation.

Original research found women to be the perpetrators of this abusive behavior in 90% of reported cases. Recent research indicates both genders equally engage in parental alienation. It’s difficult to know the exact figures because of under-reporting, false accusations and the positive bias toward mothers that’s rampant in most family courts.

Profile of Parental Alienation

Individuals who engage in parental alienation are like the mean kids in high school who demand that their friends be angry with whomever they’re angry with and hate whomever they hate. In children, this phenomenon is called relational aggression. Now she or he is a parent. They’re mad because your relationship ended—even if they’re the one who initiated the break-up.

Your ex requires, implicitly or explicitly, that your child(ren) feel and act the same way she or he does. The parent who engages in alienation tactics enlists your children to take on his or her battle against you. This is not the act of a responsible, mature adult, much less a responsible, loving parent. This is a bullying behavior called mobbing.

Bullying, Mobbing and Parental Alienation

Mobbing is usually written about in the context of workplace bullying, but that’s a limited use of the concept. It can occur in any kind of system, including a family system. Mobbing is the impassioned psychological harassment of one individual by a group. The attack is usually instigated and led by one or two people who are typically in a position of authority or a peer leader. The International Herald Tribune describes it as “group victimization of a single target” with the goal of demeaning, discrediting, alienating, excluding, humiliating and isolating the targeted individual.

Mobbing ringleaders are bullies who try to dominate and control others in most situations and relationships. Namie and Namie (2000) describe them as, “inadequate, defective and poorly developed people.” They’re generally angry, unpredictable, critical, jealous and manipulative (Davenport, Schwartz and Elliot, 1999; Namie and Namie, 2000). The emotionally abusive bully who engages in mobbing (or parental alienation) revels in the excitement produced by their animosity. It produces a pleasurable buzz or rush in them. Westhues (2002) refers to this as “the euphoria of collective attack.” Sound familiar?

Parental Alienation and Personality Disorders

People that have no compunction about using their kids to hurt their exes seem to fit the profile of the emotionally abusive Cluster B personality disorders (Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder). Many of these individuals play the professional victim as they emotionally bully anyone who confronts, challenges or criticizes them. They don’t recognize appropriate boundaries, won’t accept personal responsibility for their actions—in fact, they blame you for the horrible things they do and always have an excuse to justify their indefensible behaviors.

If your ex is actively or passively alienating your child(ren)’s normal affection toward you, he or she was probably emotionally abusive while you were together. Parental alienation is her or his way of continuing to abuse and hurt you via remote access. Generally, most bullies don’t see themselves as such. If you confront your ex about this behavior, they’ll deny it and blame you for your deteriorating relationship with your child(ren), even as you make every effort to be a present and involved parent.

The only way to stop a bully is with the threat of a greater authority. Appealing to their “better nature” is futile. Emotionally abusive bullies don’t have a better nature. Attorneys and the courts will probably need to be involved as well as an UNBIASED children’s therapist and a lot of documentation. If you believe you’re the target of parental alienation, I encourage you to educate yourself about it and to know, protect and fight for your rights.

by Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

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  1. Ayla
    October 17, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    I am absolutely astounded by the number of men and women who participate in this sort of behaviour. My legal battle over the custody of my four-turning-five year old daughter began in February and I was shocked and horrified by what I experienced in the early stages. To make it even more ludicrous – it is not even her father who is fighting me, it is his parents!
    They currently have primary residency, and managed to manipulate the court into ordering only supervised visitation for me. Over the last eight months they have made my life hell, putting words in my daughter’s mouth and telling her that I never buy her anything, that when she was a baby I never looked after her or changed her nappies and that they are her parents! And that is just the tip of the iceberg. I never thought I would meet a functioning psychopath, but now my child is in the clutches of an entire family of them. Her father is not interested and supports his parents intheir quest to have me stripped of my parental rights as that means that he will not ever have to take emotional or financial responsibility for his child. An investigation has been done and a report will be submitted to the court for their final decision on the 11th of December, so we are two months away from a conclusion that I am confident will be the return of my child to her rightful home. However, the damage that is being done in the interim is unnecessary, abusive, heartbreaking and inexcusable. The two biggest questions I have, now that I have been through this minefield, are: 1) Why do people who claim to “love” their children (or grandchildren in this case) do this to begin with? and 2) Why isn’t there more being done to prevent this interim abuse from happening? Some cases are so complicated that they go on literally for years – which is not so bad for the courts and the adults who all have the capacity to understand what is happening and deal with it to an extent. But for the children – who are the focus of the conflict and whose rights and best interests are SUPPOSED to be of paramoutn importance there is no protection from this kind of behaviour at all! While the wheels of the law turn slowly as they do, these kids are left stranded in situations and hostile environments where they have no control and are taught to be hateful, spiteful, vindictive and dependent on a “parent” who is just using them to carry oit their own personal vendetta. When I was asked if I thought it would be better for my child to be removed from their care to be placed in foster care for the duration of this conflict, I said HELL YES!!!!! I I can’t have her living with me until this mess is sorted out, at least take her out of the hostile and highly confrontational environment she is in. Oh, but it will be disruptive…. really? any more disruptive than moving house 5 times in the last 2 and a half years??? I seriously doubt it! Luckily we only have two months to go before a conclusion is reached, and hopefully then the healing can begin and my daughter can go back to being a happy, carefree, well-mannered and sweet little girl who doesn’t get forced into making adult decisions and isn’t made to feel responsible for her caregivers’ emotional wellbeing and happiness. I really do hope that soon the “authorities” in charge of ensuring the welfare of the world’s chilren will open their eyes and see what is right in front of them, and finally do something to put a stop to it.

    • December 9, 2015 at 7:59 pm

      My son is going through the same thing with my ex daughter-in-law. She has custody and the 3 boys 7, 12, and 13 will not even speak to their father or us the grandparents. We have been in court for over a year and my son has court ordered visitation. Each week he meets at the police station so she cannot make up things, like he is abusing her. The kids will not even get out of the car. Little does she know that within a couple of months she is losing custody of the kids and will only ever see them with supervised visitation. I feel so sorry for the kids to have a mother like this. The lawyer, guardian ad litem, counseling to prove my son wasn’t abusive, anger management classes my soon was forced to take because the courts automatically believed the woman, and counseling for the kids easily cost more than $10,000. Now we are to the point the ex is responsible for making the kids come and of course she can’t now. The kids are so afraid of their father I see not way out of this except to forcibly remove the kids from the mother. The judge already said this is the next step so we win and now have to fix the kids to make them normal again. The lawyer let my son pay a down payment and then payment to cover the court cases. We paid some of it for him. My case is the most extreme case my family lawyer has ever seen so your case may not cost as much.

  2. Melynda
    September 7, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    I am actually the wife of a man who is bullied by his Ex. Although she is not even the mother of his children she has slowly turned all his kids against him. His 17 yr ols son who is autistic… She used him to say my husband had abused him. His 19 yr old daughter WAS talking to her father but his Ex told her some lies ( one being that I was pregnant) and she now hates her father. The last daughter who is in her 20’s was the last to be turned, and we do not even know what is going on there. I have an 11 yr old daughter who is friends with one of HER kids and they have a nice relationship. He tries to get her together with her Step brother but the Ex stops those efforts by not letting my Husbands son go out. This past weekend my daughter FaceBooked the middle daughter. Unbeknown to us the daughter was at the Exes home. To makea long story short she said some mean and hurtful things to my daughter. The last being that she would never except my daughter as her sister. She also said We were all sinners and bad parents. We know that the Ex was putting alot of these things in her head. She then said the only way she would forgive us is if we both apologize for breaking up the family. (We did not even know one another until after he left his wife) I then apologized to keep the peace and she wrote me a nasty letter. After all of this I am still shaken and crying. I have no Idea how someone can be like this. We do not even know how to take care of this. We have had to talk to the princible of my daughters school because the Ex works there and has been harrassing us. We even had to put a restraining order against her. She has a very long criminal record of doing this to others. I have alway been nice to everyone. My husband was nice to his Ex too. He gave her a car, house, Gave her money to pay the bills, and gave her a cell phone… The house and car was in his name so she took his money and never paid the car or home mortgage. When we finally found out (after she moved and did not tell us) the car had to be repo’d and the house was in forclosure. The day we went to the the house she followed us and said, “Good luck with the house. I made F’n Dammn sure you will never beable to live in it.” She had trashed the house! We had to pay $15k to get the home out of forclosure and are still fixing the damage. To top it off, she has become even more angry and vindictive because we were able to keep the homa and are living in it…. I am sorry for rambling. I am at my wits end and just do not know what to do anymre. Thanks for listening and I hope to get some good advice. Thanks. The New Wife

  3. May 19, 2012 at 6:58 am

    I agree that parental alienation is child abuse. My comment comes late on this thread. One of the other comments mentioned the effort to include PACA in the 2012 DSM update. This has failed. Unfortunately, scientific standards were scrutinized for PACA whereas for many other items in the DSM the standards were not so high for inclusion. Thank your friendly National Organization of Women group for funding efforts to derail and influence the DSM update.

  4. Autumn
    April 2, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    I’d like to make a comment on PAS by a PD wife toward teenage children from a previous marriage. My friend is getting it from both sides, his exwife made him out to be the bad guy saying he didn’t pay child support (when he was faithful with it), thus alienating the eldest son, who chose to live with mom. His current wife, who wants his whole family out of the picture, has made it a point of giving ultimatums, “your (oldest) son or me, if he stays here I’m leaving” -guess who left? It wasn’t her! The youngest son has learned to fly under the radar and endure her bullying and emotional cruelty, he’ll be out on his own soon but has confessed to his father sadness that “she makes you so miserable, Dad” :(

  5. September 16, 2011 at 3:31 am

    I read your article with much sadness. I saw so many people that I know and have known throughout my life. Having a step-father and a mother that seemed to resent me, I grew up looking forward to my own home; my own children and loving husband ….. but, something must be wrong, because the man I married turned out to be exaclty like the pack I’d managed to live long enough to get away from! I remember going into the grocery store and putting something into the cart and him telling me to put it back because I didn’t deserve it. I divorced him, but took my child with me. My only child turned out to be as mean, sneaking and abusive as those I grew up with. She grew into a beautiful woman but has his qualities and raised her own daughter to hate me. My only granddaughter. I can’t have her around me because she is so sneaking and destructive; so mean and cruel.
    I’ve tried aso hard for so many years to be part of this insane family. I no longer care to be part of it. After a liftime of undeserved rejection and hurt, I have walked away …. at least emotionally, and I will never go back.

    • Shell
      April 17, 2016 at 1:12 am

      You deserve better so do I , in my case my family were the abusers partners didn’t end up being any different so a life alone in my case is better. My children for the better part turned out like me and love and relate openly but have a hard time equating the family members who smile sweetly along with them as people who have caused their mother so much pain. they are not deemed as anything less than normal and ok, so it breaks my heart they cant see and i worry they will be victims too but i leave it to them to find their way . I will only intervene if they are being harmed directly and trust eventually they will see without blinkers.
      My biggest mistake was thinking if i tried hard enough gave more of myself if that was possible than i already did i would be accepted loved . Not possible to expect this from people incapable of quitting their games even when you pour your heart out and give them the chance to make amends even when you stop hating them and forgive they choose to heighten their gaslighting . Its their sick sense of fun. their addiction but i’m no longer their puppet. I get a sad sense of hopelessness when i think of how we could all get along if they wanted to, but they are choosing not to reconcile so i walked aay no more guilt over cutting them from my life. I always thought id be broken if i left them but it turns out i feared senselessly i love being alone far more than being a part of my nasty family. So many years wasted and a lifetime of happiness ahead hopefully one where my own children learn from my experience what not to put up with in their own relationships . Its like the depression cloud that has followed me about my whole life has finally lifted and i’m seeing everyone for who they really are but not getting hurt about it just accepting it for what it is and moving on in my path for happiness.

  6. jen
    August 13, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    My SIL abused her ex-husband and she is playing the parental alienation game with her daugther’s father. I grew up with a mother and grandmother who alienated me away from my father. And now I’m seeing the whole thing with my niece. To make a long story short…my SIL told her husband before they got a divorce that their daugther didn’t need a father and that he’ll be spending too much money in child support and almoney before he could afford a lawyer to get custody of his daugther. My in-laws her no evil and see no evil and don’t think their daugther is never wrong..matter of fact..they make her out to be a victim. After SIL’s husband left her…she called me crying telling me that she wanted to fix things with me and that her ex-husband didn’t want his daugther and gave her full custody. She moved 18 hours away from her ex hushand. She told me on the phone that her ex-husband said that if she takes all the almoney that is owned to her, he’ll won’t have enough money to visit his daugther..she told me on the phone that it wasn’t her problem.

    One time she was visiting my husband and I and she made arrangments for her daugther to see her father. she told her ex-husband that she need to come along on the visitation becuase his daugther wouldn’t remember him. Oh..and I witiness my SIL trash talking about her ex-husband infront of her daugther

    My MIL brought up my sister divorce (may I add less than 24 hours after I married her son) and made her out to be a victim and I confronted about the custody arrangement and she said, “Oh…he loves his child..he wanted joint custody…we had to convince him to give custody up to my daugther…he was pain a about.” My MIL wants me to ignore her daugther’s behavior and play nice with her daugther. Why would I play nice with her daugrther when I didn’t even have a relationship with my own abusive mother and grandmother. There’s so much more to tell…for instance….My SIL told me her that her older brother hits is wife and it’s okay becuase she hits him too.

    I’m so ashamed with my in laws actions…I don’t want anything dealing with them. I dated my husband for 8 years…I did know my SIL was crazy, but I thought that was becuase of her terminal illiness. I didn’t know that my BIL and his wife were abusing each other until a couple of months before my wedding. It’s amazing how people make there families out to be prefect and you don’t find out their true colors until they begin to lose control of their own lives. I’ve gotten to point where I want to contact my SIL’s ex-husband and tell him I’m willing testify against my in-laws if he ever has problems having contact with his daugther. It’s just soooo sad..

  7. December 2, 2010 at 5:42 am

    Great site, I added it to my Blog spot: parentalalienationaustralia.blogspot.com Parental Alienation Awareness Organisation.[Australian contact]

  8. Steve
    January 5, 2010 at 6:46 pm

    Hi Dr. Tara. I e mailed you a few weeks back about my situation. Even though our son is a young adult she has just done what you have written. She flew him to her for the holidays, put him in counseling, coached him, and now I’m a rotten parent and he doesn’t want to see me. I am truly amazed at every one of your articles. You must know her. She phoned me 2 days before Christmas after 3 weeks of no contact, told me she couldn’t take it and wanted to be friends and I fell for it. She was nice and sweet until New years day then hit me with an emotional adult, blamed me for everything in our 25 years while she was the perfect wife, how could I. Thanks for your articles, they help make a little sense of all this

  9. george
    December 7, 2009 at 4:04 am

    Dr. T,

    In the last paragraph of your article, you mention finding an UNBIASED children’s therapist. How would you go about identifying and finding one fo these?

    Also, I have a highly functional BPD wife. What I mean by this is that she can behave in a public context when she has to or fears that her bad behaviors could be noticed. I’ve heard that there are different types of evaluations that can be ordered by the courts. What I was wondering was if a highly functional BPD could fake their way through one of these types of evaluations or if there is a specific type of evaluation that I should request?

    George

  10. Michael D. McNeary
    November 21, 2009 at 1:01 am

    Just got out of court with BPD wife.Today was supposed to be the readiness for trial hearing and i should have received a settlement conference notice from her to settle asset questions. I didnt receive anything. I asked the judge if she was required to arrange a settlement conference as the petitioner and he responded technically yes.He asked her why she had not followed the case schedule and she responded Ignorance.I was taught that ignorance of the law is no excuse.The judge ordered her to immediately contact the Family Law Facilitator and arrange for three mediators and asked that I do the same.They know when to play stupid when it is to there advantage and my worry is that she does this regularly with my daughter even though my daughter has caught her in at least 2 lies. Documentation is the key to winning and evidence is even better. Subpeona the records if you have to. You are dealing with a master manipulator who was abused themselves and know how to protect themself as they have been doing it since early childhood in most cases. Legal Counsel turns away their cases regularly as to difficult to handle. You must protect yourself as they have no empathy compassion or pity once the switch from White to Black. Cornell Medical School has new tests for BPD and NPD at this time. Try to get a court order to have them tested if you feel they are alienating your children from you. Document all cases of potential abuse and bullying/ the c hildren should be protected from this situation as it is possibly hereditary and some questions exist that indicate their is some type of brain malfuction that occurs around trust issues.If the trust is broken their opinion of you goes from White to Black goodtobad and it can be a small issue.Mediation is probably a good idea because of the third party nuetral. They use guilt lying or anything forgetfulness convienent and in my estimation are dangerous.Rage was no stranger in our house and physical assault with a vehicle is their weapon of choice for assault or worse. Get out quickly distance yourself via no contact communicate with your children daily and insist on seeing them every week.No contact is important cause then everything must be done through the court and their is a record. Its ok if they Email U just don”t Email them Everything Certified and served via third party. No Contact Imperative to your thinking straight. Get out as quick as you can and still protect your kids. it has taken me 10 years so far but its almost over. Thank God Amen.

  11. Mel
    November 20, 2009 at 8:15 pm

    Wow thanks for the wonderful information! Thank goodness it’s a reconised problem. I’m trying to do research to help a friend who’s former wife seems bent on punishing him On all levels. 6 years out of his marriage and she’s bullying him still. Plus she trashed his credit with forged contracts then she didn’t pay. He has no funds for a lawyer but he needs to stand up and get her into a court room. A venue where she has to tone down the volume, and her constant threats ranging from never seeing his kids again to taking the last little bit of cash he has left, are heard by witnesses. A few weeks back his youngest said to him “I know I’m supposed to hate you, I wish I could, but my heart says not to. I wish somebody else was my dad.” Guess where that confusion is coming from. Is there anyone out there in the Denver Metro area that can mediate or do a trade with him for some legal support. He’s not hooked up with professionals, he’s a tradesman.
    Thanks,
    Mel

  12. jp
    November 3, 2009 at 1:43 pm

    BTW,

    Check this out:

    “A group of 50 mental health experts from 10 countries are part of an effort to add Parental Alienation to the 2012 edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the American Psychiatric Association’s “bible” of diagnoses…”

    Full article: http://www.fathersandfamilies.org/?p=5156

    While you’re at it, check out that site, sign up for the newsletter and get involved if you’re not already.

    The problems of parental alienation, unfair custody and child/spousal support abuse will never be solved one case at a time. Family law needs massive reform and that means organizing, participating and money.

    JP

  13. November 3, 2009 at 4:56 am

    Parental Alienation (PA) is a very big problem even without being involved with a person who suffers from a PD. All parent going through a custody case should be aware of this problem and learn how to deal with it as it hurt the child in many ways.

  14. George
    November 3, 2009 at 12:29 am

    How do you protect yourself from distortion campaigns and parental alienation inflicted on you from a BPD bully? My ex-wife has destroyed my relationship with my son. I’ve always believed that part of a parents job was to provide love and support and guidance for their children. Sometimes that guidance can be unpopular, such as, “You need to do your homework. You can’t stay out all night. etc.” My ex-wife has used each of those momements (and several others) to undermine my authority and alienate me from my son. She would say things like you don’t need to do your homework. Your father is just picking on you. He’s just being mean. You can stay out late with your friends. Your father is just overreacting. Each behavioral boundary that I put in place, she removed. My son was operating with no boundaries. He was recently arrested for vandalism. I said that this was unacceptable and put him on restriction, and she says it’s not that bad, he’s just being a kid. She said that he didn’t need to be punished because he was embarrassed enough. They have also accused me of abuse. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. She has filled my son’s head with so much distortion (he is also afraid to ever disagree with her) that I think he is believing the lies. I’m afraid to provide any parenting for my son in that it could be twisted into a tale of abuse. I’m sure if my son were to say that I was picking on him by not letting him do something, my ex-wife would run with this to her lawyer to try to accuse me of being an abusive parent. How do you protect yourself from things like this? I’m out numbered and afraid to be a parent to my own son. Help.

    • shrink4men
      November 3, 2009 at 12:34 am

      Hi George,

      I encourage you to find a good child therapist stat who acknowledges and understands parental alienation and hostile aggressive parenting. If need be, have your attorney request this through the courts with a therapist you approve of. Now that your son has been arrested, it should be relatively easy to do this. You should also document (or record) anytime you catch your ex acting in ways that harm your son in an effort to undermine and alienate his affection toward you.

      If you haven’t spoken with your attorney about this yet, please do so immediately.

      Kind Regards,
      Dr Tara

    • jp
      November 3, 2009 at 1:37 pm

      George,

      Dr. T’s recommendation to document everthing cannot be overstated.

      You have to record everything in a journal. Get a notebook today and start. Write down as many incidents in the past–and the date they happened, or your best guess–that you can think of and moving forward record every new incident of this type.

      Then when you’re in front of a judge, and she disputes something you say, you can pop open the notebook and point right to the entry. This is the only way to win a he-said, she-said dispute or defend against a smear campaign.

      And don’t tell her (or your son) that you’re doing this. You might think it will “scare her straight”–or impress her somewhow–but all you’ll be doing is telegraphing your moves and giving up one of your only tactical advantages.

      Your situation stinks. There are few things more enraging than finding your parental authority undermined at every turn. Don’t get discouraged, get busy.

      JP

  15. rom
    August 3, 2009 at 9:32 pm

    Spot on with the description, I believe my BPD ex wife has alienated my two sons from me, and I am powerless to do anything, I have no evidence and everything is on her side.

    :-)

    She is crafty enough to make herself look like she is a paragon of virtue in her public image.

    • shrink4men
      August 4, 2009 at 2:50 am

      I wish you the best with your children, rom. I know how difficult and painful these situations can be. Keep very good records of all her abusive behaviors and get yourself a GOOD attorney. Don’t fall for her guilt trips and traps.

      Best Wishes,
      Dr Tara

  16. February 27, 2009 at 1:13 pm

    This article is fantastic! Thank you for writing it with such bluntness!

    I am a woman/mother of five children who has been alienated from my children by my abuser.

    You hit the nail on the head when you said alienation is an extension of domestic violence.
    I began to see a pattern of women leaving domestic violence situations only to be left homeless (monetary abuse) then alienated from their children. I’ve personally pleaded with numerous women’s groups to get them to admit this is a pattern and they blatantly refuse to acknowledge parent alienation.

    I also feel the federal funding and corrupt judges play a major role in allowing our children to be alienated.

    I too will re-post this blog on my web site. I also loved your article on 3 dating tips for having a healthy and successful relationship.

    I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that because of my own dysfunction I left one abuser and found myself in another kind of abusive relationship. The second abuser is a passive aggressive emotional abuser.

    I have been in therapy for five years. I have finally been able to see where I went wrong in my choice of partners in both relationships.

    When I left my husband I consciously sought out a non abuser, however I didn’t have my radar up nor was I aware that I was familiar with the passive aggressive abuser. It would take a lot more pain before I became aware enough to know that I needed to leave my present relationship.

    We have been in individual as well as couples therapy for over a year, and there has only been slight movement on his part. Not enough to stop the pain I feel on a daily basis.

    It’s ironic that I would find your blog on the morning I am leaving him.

    If you feel there is anyway that you can think of that I can help to get the women’s groups to accept the “facts” of abusers and alienation please don’t hesitate to contact me.

    I will do whatever it takes to stop the abuse of our children.

    Of my five children, four were alienated. The fifth was already old enough and out on his own when I left my husband. If you had time to go back to the beginning of my blog and read the details, you would see that I have had no contact at all with my children for the last eight years. My estranged husband has political connections in the State Courts as well as Child Services, and both entities were used against me.

    It took eight years and many blogs and posting of documents from my case but my work was not in vain. Two of my oldest alienated children and I are reunited. That makes three out of five. The younger two are still under the ex’s total control.

    I can now see the damage my bad choice in husbands has caused my children. I’ve recently read Toxic Parent’s and plan on giving a copy to each of my children when the time is right.

    Just an FYI, I just finished reading “Listening with a third ear” by Thomas Reik, and it has helped tremendously with my recovery, as have other books and hundreds of web sites.

    I have begun writing a book “Connecting the Dots” it’s about abuse from the cradle through domestic violence, parent alienation and how I’ve finally reached recovery. I’ve not only had to connect those dot’s but I also had to connect the politically connected dots my estranged husband used to destroy my life.

    Since this book is in it’s beginning stages I do not have a publisher or more than a notebook of raw thoughts and memories of details from my childhood abuse.

    However, I would be honored to work with you on a professional level so that my book has more than a layman’s “opinion” on it all.

    I have seriously considered co authoring my book with a professional since the thought of a book entered my mind. Is this something you would consider?

    I thank you again for this article it made my day!

    Louise Uccio
    HaveUmistakenMe@aol.com

    • shrink4men
      February 27, 2009 at 6:24 pm

      Hi Louise,

      Thank you for reading and leaving such a heartfelt comment. Breaking the cycle of emotional abuse and/or physical violence is extremely difficult. Props to you for doing so. It’d be great if people could find their way out of abusive situations more quickly, but the main thing is that you GET OUT, no matter how long it takes.

      It’s no great mystery why women’s “rights” groups barely acknowledge the fact of parental alienation. To accept that parental alienation exists, they would have to cop to the fact that IN MORE THAN 50% OF PARENTAL ALIENATION CASES THE PERPETRATOR IS A WOMAN (gasp). This doesn’t gibe with their old chestnut that 95% of domestic violence is committed by men against women. The real stat/ratio is approximately 50/50.

      If the more accurate statistic becomes accepted as fact, it would seriously affect the distribution of allocation of funds, personal agendas, political power, child welfare system, the National Association of Social Workers (super powerful, female dominated lobby) and the court system. As always, it’s about money and power.

      I wish you luck with your book. Writing a book isn’t something I’ve considered. It’s extremely difficult for new authors to become published, especially in this market. For now, I’m content with blogging and guest blogging. We’ll see if it leads anywhere. At the moment, I’m just excited that people like you, Louise, are finding my blog, reading, commenting and connecting to my writing. It’s beyond gratifying.

      Emotionally abusive bullies make me angry. I want to educate people about bullies, in all their forms, and help to create a collective, “We’ve had enough. You’re not going to get away with your bad behaviors anymore.”

      Kind Regards,
      Dr T

Comment pages
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  1. December 25, 2010 at 1:46 am
  2. November 17, 2010 at 2:53 pm
  3. August 10, 2009 at 3:03 am
  4. March 2, 2009 at 8:50 pm

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