Lindsay Lohan’s eHarmony Profile: If Only All Crazy Women Were This Honest
I saw this comedy video on Funny or Die this morning and am still chuckling. Who knew Lindsay Lohan had such a good sense of humor about herself?
Wouldn’t it be great if all women (and men) who had issues, whatever they might be, were this up front and honest about it? Then you would be able to make an informed decision before jumping into a relationship. It would sure save a lot of time and emotional stress.
Enjoy!
Posted by Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD
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Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries or send an email to shrink4men@gmail.com.
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Shrink4Men 
I actually met my crazy ex on Eharmony, believe it or not. I had been on for a while, and I was her first and only date. I figured, of all the dating sites, I would have the least chance of getting involved with a crazy person. I had tried other sites, and had encounters with one crazy after another. Boy, was I wrong. I am tempted to write Eharmony about tweaking their screening process since my hellish experience. If you’re looking to find a partner online, I think I’d pass up Eharmony.
StillRecovering
Mr E
You are right. Sometimes people really come with warning labels but we just ignore them.
About your problem, the only solution which I know for this problem (seen, heard and experianced) is a break up. Dont fool your self with “I play cool and independent and she will see that im not garbage but she could really loose me and treat me better”. If this is what you want, a bonbon, than this is what you should do. But everytime it will work a little less because she will see thats you arent serious.
My advise is not to just break up, but to draw a line and to live a life. Do everybody makes you feel crazy? Just her? Well it doesnt take a math-genius to solve this mistery, just go with the most propable.
If you feel so mistreated by her, so confused that you dont kow whats what, than she probably lost or never had any respect for you as an equal human being.
If you talk streight to her and dont close your eyes and ears, maybe thats just what she will say to you ;) “Its just the way it is baby”
Very good point, barbaric.
Hi again,
You are very right about the signs. If you pay attention, if you truly want to attract the right people into your life and you work on yourself and if you learn from your mistakes your 6th sense for peoples characters becomes better and better. Good policeman and professional experienced criminals do often have a better estimate of other people from just one look or conversion than ordinary people for example. Dont missunderstand this, its just an example how people can do things which are neither magic nor fully rational and concious.
By the way, by eat or be eaten of corse I didnt meant abuse or be abused, that would be crazy, but from the context its naturally that you understood it this way, sorry for the poor expression. What I meant is that people shouldnt see themselves as helpless victims and intoxicate their lives with too much hate against abusive persons. The abusive person as you say often or allways cant be changed and often its in your own family and you cant just forget it. It is very important to realize that those people exist and that they are just crazy persons and that you shouldnt waste too much of your time trying to get along with them. Too quick you will “become” the crazy one your self. Some people have a teflon mind.
About the video, you put it just the way i thought it but couldnt express it :)
Problems dont go away JUST by admitting them. Its only the first ste of many steps. And who ever admitts his problems this “honest” or direct and doesnt do anything about it isnt quite honest to himself.
Just to explain my eat or be eaten philosophy. What i really want to say with this statement is that people shouldn be naiv and allways “sit down and discuss things like adults”.
With some people you are just wasting your time and exposing your mind to agressiv atempts of manipulation.
Abusive persons are like hackers, and even if you have the latest security patches installed its not worth to risk as you are not even a machine. And what you loose is more than a million dollars. So it would be wise not to expect a positiv feedback from absolutly anybody because some people are specialized in giving negati feedback and making other people crazy over the time.
I know people who looked too deep into to the hole (i hope you understad me) trying to understand something or to change somebody, like morgan scott peck says, and eventually they become abusive persons themselves. So maybe abusive destructiv people want to make you just like them. How can that be accomplished? Start small, make the sane person hate you that much that he gets obsessed with changeing you. This is just to give him the first taste of blood. You, the insane person know that there is no changeing you and by this you exhaust the other person with loosing too much of your own energy. When the sane person, who usually is not a professional manipulater gets confused and feels weak and unsecure the insane person would “change” himself for a little while and than start abusing you again. This little “present” lets the sane person belive that what hes doing actually does something and that hes not crazy and 2 + 2 is still 4. The present has to become a tiny little bit bigger every time, but not significantly different. In reallity what ever the sane one does doesnt do anything at all but cost him energy. The sane person is someone who is willing to work hard to save others and accepts the “conditions” of the game which will never end.
Basically after investing so much energy into a person a sane person (more or less) would continue his hopeless fight against the “bank” to return his “investment”. The investment is energy that you loose or humiliation and abuse you have to accept according to “work” with the insane one. After years the sane person doesnt even recognize how he is starting to look like an old man with just thirty years and how he lost all his energy for nothing.
When finally the sane person gets problems in his life because of his exhaustion its been too long for him to locate the true source of the problems. Than the abusiv person comes along gives him a extraordinary big present (but not really significant) and says: see, i told you this world is crazy,
The sane or now new insane person still has to get his energy back, but there is nothing to get from the other insane person. And than comes the final “Enlightment” or in this case probably Endarkment and he understands the new rules of the game which are: you reached your destiny , now you are on top, of corse you didnt find what you were looking for but you dont remember what you were looking for because now you are a different man. Now the currency is getting abused. And everyody who doesnt want to pay, and go the same path as you did is just a fraud.
Sorry for abusing this post. Feel free to edit delete or move. Im just practicing my english here :)) (joke)
The warnings are ALWAYS there for me – I have a tendency to deny them, sweep them “under the rug” and blame myself – I think the reason is because I really want this type of woman to love me I don’t know but I think there have always been waringing signs on every one of them but especially this last relationship had warning signs immediately – I even remember voicing concern and saying things like “You’re not one of those women who…..” insert from the list of NPD/BPD traits – of course she was quick to answer “Oh no… I would never do that” and that was all it took she was off the hook – I kept coming back to looking at MY trust issues – oi vey – I denied denied denied right up until the bitter end even when there was no way I could possibly deny it I still tried to deny it.
Just throwing my two cents into the discussion. I can’t tell if barbaric is being satirical or not.
Often, a person who warns you really is that bad.
Sometimes, they do warn you – repeatedly, in perfectly clear language – but you think they’re just being insecure because they’re so darn charming. Later you remember the flattery instead of the insults and bizarre behavior.
A certain someone tells me how awful she is all the time. You had better believe agreeing with her is a very, very bad idea. In fact, anything less than vigorously disagreeing is asking for trouble. And don’t take too long thinking up a reply, either. Should I so much as hint I’m even slightly displeased with her behavior, regardless of how gently I say it, I get to enjoy at least one nice rant about “what that says about her” and then she sulks. gives me the silent treatment and won’t let me touch her until I beg her to forgive rotten old me.
…And I’m still trying to figure out if I’m just being paranoid or not.
Hi Dr T,
My final question:
Would a person who warns you about him/herself really could be that bad? What is the problem with people who should come with warning signs? Their total honesty about themselves? Quite opposite. Thats why this women on this video is so “funny” or lovely. When you look at her you dont think “wow thats the kind of girl you should meet, read the sign and say no thanks”. Most people would think shes the kind of person which makes problems disappear by admitting them, without thinking of the bad side of this.
So my conclusion is, that a person who comes with a warning sign couldnt be that bad. Also as a shrink you should encourage people to live in the reality and truly love the reality. Because almost everybody is victim and villian at the same time. Eat or be eaten. Allthough realistically its eat AND be eaten.
Just my barbaric opinion
By the way are you male or female? What kind of doctor do you hold? Psychology? Linguistics? Literature? Just curious.
Hi again barbaric,
That’s the thing, the people who are that bad don’t come with warning labels—although, the signs are usually there right away if you’re paying close enough attention.
The kind of people whom I think should come with warning labels are people who are emotionally abusive and take no responsibility for their crazy, hurtful behaviors and blame everyone else. Refusing to hold yourself accountable and blaming your boyfriend/girlfriend for things that aren’t his/her fault is not being “honest;” it’s dishonest. Emotionally abusive people lie to others and themselves. Also, problems don’t usually disappear by admitting them and making light of them.
Saying, “Tee hee, yes I’m crazy and I behave recklessly, but aren’t I cute?” doesn’t make the inherent problem with her behavior go away. It just makes you foolish if you see the warning signs and proceed full steam ahead anyway.
As a psychologist, I encourage people to live “in the reality” and if they don’t like the way things are, to actively do something to change it. The problem is, emotionally abusive people have a highly twisted and distorted version of reality and therein lies the hitch.
I disagree with your “eat or be eaten” philosophy. It’s like saying “abuse or be abused.” I try to live by, “Treat others the way you want to be treated and don’t tolerate abuse from anyone.”
To answer your last question, I’m a woman and my doctorate is in Clinical Psychology.
”
Wouldn’t it be great if all women (and men) who had issues, whatever they might be, were this up front and honest about it? Then you would be able to make an informed decision before jumping into a relationship. It would sure save a lot of time and emotional stress.
”
My anwser to your question if it wouldnt be great:
You write if all women and men WHO HAD issues would be “honest” about it as if there were people without issues and as if it were a question of honesty to tell everybody your life story before saying your name (cuz last could be a waste of time if the story isnt any good). Wouldnt it be great if all people just walked around naked? This would save some time too. Are you more interested in the bad sides of people than the good ones? Good for you but reality doesnt work that way, everybody has to survive somehow, everybody has to advertise themselvs. Maybe people who “jump” into relationships and build emotional dependency on a partner they know for two days are the ones with the issues.
So im just an averege crazy guy minding my own business and then this psychotic issuesless bra comes up redy to “jump into a relationship”. Well, sry if the water temperature isnt quite what you expected :)
ps good post on parental alienation
Hi barbaric,
Thanks for the comment. I think this video is funny, which is why I posted it. Of course, everyone has issues, but it’s a matter of degree. My point is that most people who are emotionally abusive have a practiced, very charming, polished side that attracts people to them. Then, once you develop feelings for them and become attached, the facade slips away and the nasty, crazy person is revealed.
Everyone has good and bad qualities. Again, it’s a matter of degree. When the bad outweighs the good, then I’m definitely more interested in knowing about a person’s bad side up front and sooner rather than later. Unfortunately, reality often doesn’t work that way, as you point out in your statement. However, I was engaging in a bit of wishful thinking in my post by musing, wouldn’t it be nice if reality did work that way. I firmly believe some women and men should come with warning labels. Until then, we have to work on developing good judgment, looking before we leap, and holding ourselves accountable re: our own issues.
Thanks for the positive feedback on my Parental Alienation post.
Kind Regards,
Dr T
There are always consequences when you choose to tango with “crazy!”
For some reason, “crazy” women with a sense of humor seem strangely hot to me at this moment.
Then again, I’m sure the laughs would be over as soon as she hurled in the passenger seat.