Home > Abusive relationships, Borderline Personality Disorder, bullying, divorce, Marriage, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Psychology, relationships > Divorce and Break-Ups: There Is No Closure with a Narcissistic or Borderline Woman

Divorce and Break-Ups: There Is No Closure with a Narcissistic or Borderline Woman


please close the doorClosure is a healthy part of ending a relationship. You each get to say your peace. You both apologize for any unintentional and/or intentional hurts. You say goodbye and wish each other well. This is how closure works between two reality-based, reasonably sane adults who basically had a good relationship, but didn’t work because you ultimately had different goals, values, interests, a lack of compatibility or you grew apart instead of together.

A less satisfying form of closure is when you had a relationship with someone who wasn’t considerate, wasn’t invested in the relationship or just wasn’t ready for commitment. If this person is a reality-based, reasonably sane adult then you break up and state how they hurt you. They apologize and give you an ego massage by offering, “It’s not you; it’s me. You deserve someone who really loves you.” You accept his or her apology and you both go away feeling a little better.

Trying to get closure with a narcissistic and/or borderline woman usually results in reopening your old wounds, not healing them

Attempting to obtain closure with an abusive, narcissistic and/or borderline woman (i.e., Crazy) is almost always a maddening exercise in futility. You’re not going to get closure with this kind of woman for several reasons. First, she doesn’t meet the three most important prerequisites for giving and receiving closure:

  1. A reasonable degree of sanity
  2. A foothold in reality
  3. Empathy

Being able to give an ex closure means you’re able to accept your share of responsibility for the demise of the relationship and when has your BPD and/or NPD ex ever taken responsibility for her behavior, especially when she was clearly in the wrong?

Don’t you remember how she would rewrite ancient and recent history when you were together by portraying herself as the long suffering heroine and you as the terrible ogre, after every nasty blow-up, attack or cold shoulder episode that she initiated? Do you really think she’s going to admit to any of the relationship atrocities she committed during the relationship now that it’s over? (*Unless, of course, she’s attempting a Hoover.)

I hate to break it to you, but if you’re waiting for this to happen or, heaven forbid, an apology from this woman; IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. If you try to get closure from your NPD and/or BPD ex by detailing the many ways she hurt and tortured you, she’s unlikely to acknowledge what she did.

Instead, she’ll puff herself up, look at you like you’re the crazy one, and mystifyingly tell you, “I was a wonderful and loving wife or girlfriend. How dare you say these things to me? You must be crazy or someone’s brainwashed you. Don’t you remember how good I was to you and the many things I did for you?”

Somebody has a memory problem, but it’s not you. If you seek closure from this woman, she’ll regale you with her revisionist relationship history as you have yet another NPD/BPD induced WTF-moment. You’ll be understandably rattled after walking into another one of her traps and  she’ll tell you how worried she is about you because you seem so unhappy now (the “without her” is implied).

Evidence that the hard wiring in these women’s heads is truly out of whack:

1. They don’t get that when you look hurt, unhappy and in pain it’s because of something they’ve done. They think it’s because of something you’ve done because if she hurt you, you deserved it and she was right to hurt you. She’s confused hurting you with “showing you affection” and trying to take most of your assets as “generosity.” You cannot reason with this.

Once most men finally get out of an abusive relationship, they feel an intense amount of relief. They have regret and sadness that they fell in love with a woman who doesn’t really exist and put up with the abuse for so long, but that’s normal. Nearly every man I know who’s broken free from one of these women is infinitely happier — even with less money (if it’s divorce—a reader describes it as “the price of freedom, sanity and happiness”) and/or less time with their kid(s). Once the abuse stops, it’s a tremendous relief.

2. What they call love is really abuse and control, but they doggedly insist, it’s love. Enough said.

3. Some of them truly believe they were the best wife or girlfriend. You could show this kind of woman a video tape of one of her unprovoked rage attacks and she’d still deny she did it or find a way to blame you for it. Her defense mechanisms are impenetrable.

This is why it’s crazy for you to seek closure from this woman. She may have brief moments in which she can recognize the truth of who she is and what she’s done. However, the reality of it terrifies her and shakes her to the core. Instead of apologizing to you, she’ll quickly revert back to her idealized false self or image that no one (who knows her well) believes.

Narcissistic women in particular believe that their facade is so slick that no one can see through it and many people don’t until they get too close, which is why these women don’t let anyone get too close. In other words, she believes her own bullshit. She has to believe it because if she doesn’t she fears she will fall apart. It’s a matter of ego preservation vs. ego annihilation except that she’s actually preserving her false self.

Then she will either attack you or gaslight you by rewriting history yet again. Do you really want to get caught in one of these crazy-making, never ending loops with your ex? Didn’t you learn your lesson while you were with her?

Here’s how you get closure from an emotionally abusive narcissistic and/or borderline woman: Get as far away from her as you can and then get on with your life. The best form of closure for you is living well and that means a life free of abuse, filled with love and happiness. This woman will never have the kind of relationships other people are capable of — she will be left with herself and that’s a fate I wouldn’t wish upon anyone.

Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries or send an email to shrink4men@gmail.com.

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Please close the door by aeioux on flickr.

  1. Jonathan Lustig
    January 21, 2021 at 1:01 am

    This strikes me so hard. I got out of a nasty breakup with a woman who was Bipolar Stage I. I would love to talk to you sometime.

  2. David
    November 5, 2016 at 9:51 am

    Was in a physical and abusive marriage with a Female Malignant Narcissist for 4 years and just filed for divorce 1 month ago. My soon to be ex-wife has one of the most honorable professions you can have. She is highly educated, makes great money, and to the outside world or acquaintances in her life would appear to be a perfect person. But in actuality she is cold, has no emotion, cares for no one but herself, and can be extremely aggressive both physically and verbally to her targets (Myself and Mother). And then she can flip a switch and instantly become a battered woman/victim and pin all of her actual abusive behaviors on me when it suits her to do so.

    The first (2) years of our marriage were not that bad, she needed 2 children from me so she put on a good act to get what she needed from me. Once she was pregnant with our 2nd it was all down hill and her true colors came out and the viscous cycle of abuse started. She has no real relationships with anyone in her life other than her father and mother. Her father is also a malignant narcissist, and her mother an abused battered woman that is her father’s servant and also now her daughters servant. My wife essentially took the role of her father within her own marriage. Both of her parents fuel her narcissistic behavior. They feed her the compliments she needs to feel good about herself and constantly tell her and other acquaintances that know her what an amazing and accomplished woman she is. They both provide her everything she needs emotionally which is why she need not have relationships with anyone else unless they are a target or someone that can help her continue to grow her high powered career. Her father is in control of everything/including his daughter. He knows there is much for him to gain financially from her and her accomplishments in the years to come. He is not as aggressive and reckless with his behavior as his daughter is towards his targets (I also a target of her father). He is the type of man that would steal from you and then help you look for what was taken and take you out to dinner afterwards and tell you how much you mean to him. He needed to play nice with me for these past 4 years to make sure I gave her the 2 children, and then I either play by his rules or my life would be made miserable (but not by him, by his daughter). I suspect she was sexually abused by her father and it is a very deep dark secret that will unfortunately never surface while she is still under his control and doesn’t want to look within and work on herself. She has so much loyalty to her father and thinks he can do no wrong. When in reality he is a very cunning malignant narcissist who’s got his daughter and wife right where he wants them.

    Now 1 month into getting out and filing for divorce is has already been very ugly. We have not even been to court yet and our children are already being used as pawns and her lawyer has been a barracuda. This divorce process is a new game for her, where the objective is to destroy me. Her guns are out and she is already on offense. You would think she is the one who filed for divorce, and I’m sure all of her acquaintances who knew us both are being told exactly that along with a huge smear campaign against me as to why our marriage has ended. I am keeping God close and my emotions in tact one day at a time. I’m buckling up and starting to ready myself for this marathon. Praying God will have the last word when it comes to child custody as well, because he knows I unconditionally love my children and also loved my wife very much and don’t need anything from them or need not use them for my own personal needs. Thank you all for your stories, they have very much helped me during my journey thus far and I pray for all of you. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as well.

  3. Ryan
    September 29, 2016 at 9:49 pm

    My wife(soon to be ex) has BPD, and won’t get help. The ironic thing is that she left me, which seems to be far less common. I’m a sincere christian and meant my vows, for life. I thought she was a christian as well, and perhaps she is saved, but her mental disorder causes her to do things which I would consider wicked.

    I can relate to a lot of the experiences on these comments. She has a controlling and also mentally sick mother who she talks to on the phone for 3-4 hours a day, the entire 4.5 years of our marriage. And her mother has hated me since the day she met me. So there was that poison seeping in as well.

    According to my wife, everything that went wrong, was my fault. Every time, she would say I caused her to act the way she did. “You’re only with me for my money”, and she did make much more than me, so I thought for the longest time it was normal insecurity. The hardest accusations though, were the imaginary ones. “You told me last night you don’t really love me”, which I never even thought because I do love her. “You told me just now that you want to leave me, I wish I had a tape recorder.”, so did I, all I said was I don’t know why you’re suddenly upset and angry. The episodes were like a light switch, one minute we were the happiest couple on earth, the next she was weeping uncontrollably and locking herself in our bedroom for hours.

    The paranoia; she honestly believed everyone was talking about her behind her back. We we’re playing PokemonGo with two of her coworkers, they got a few feet ahead and she turned to me and said, “I know they’re talking bad about me right now”. Everyone who wasn’t in earshot was always talking about her, in her mind; gossiping about her. Everyone hates her, she would say.

    Finally, the emotional abuse became very bad. I had just started my career as a computer programmer, and moved to a big city a few hours away(where we were living was backwoods, and had hardly any tech jobs). I would work from home 2 days a week, so I was with her 4 days a week. I’ve spared most of the details, but the last episode lasted 3 days, and I was the scum of the universe apparently. “You can’t be trusted, I don’t respect you, we are never going to have kids, I’m never leaving my job so you’re just going to have to move back and work at a call center, etc”. A whole bunch of control non-sense.

    I let her know then, either she would get help or I had to separate until she did. In her world, nothing was wrong with her. So I separated, I stopped driving home and got my own place. Less than a month later I received divorce papers in the mail. Apparently, she told everyone at church and at her work that I stole all the money, demanded that she divorce me, and cheated on her. Even though the exact opposite was true, I left her with the $100k in savings(my integrity is worth more), she was divorcing me even as I repeatedly tried to get her to reconcile and get counseling during that month, and she was actively flirting with a married coworker.

    It’s sad. But while hurt I never broke and I knew I wasn’t crazy(though I felt like it at times!). I hope to find a mentally healthy woman to marry one day. For years I thought these were normal woman/marriage issues, and that I just needed to love her harder. I now see that that was never the case, I did everything I could and bent over backwards for her. I imagine that my next marriage may very well seem like a cakewalk.

  4. Richard Clark
    June 15, 2016 at 2:50 pm

    This is such a relief to read. Is there anywhere I can get support with this? I have never felt so low. Im at the end of the road with this.

    • shrink4men
      June 16, 2016 at 12:08 pm

      I provide individual counseling. If you’re interested please contact me at shrink4men@gmail.com.

  5. Chefp147
    April 14, 2016 at 9:07 am

    I am 50 years old and have been divorced for about 20 years now. I have Always had a hard time getting over abuses and relationships.I was mentally and emotionally abused growing up. I had an 8 year older sister who would abuse me mentally and physically and she even Went so far as to threaten to murder me in my sleep one night. My parents didn’t care, When I got divorced I sank into a Deep depression and felt terrible for many years. My ex said that she got over me in about a week. Anyways, we have Children together and needed to have Contact on account of them. Now my grown Children have refused to have anything to do with me and my ex doesn’t Contact me anymore so now it’s easier to get my closure. I know though that other romantic relationships are easier to get over and to get closure when you do as the above article says and just cut all ties.
    Good luck everybody!!

  6. Jeff
    April 6, 2016 at 8:43 pm

    I loved the hell out of my covert narc and for me the abuse was worth having her as my wife but I didn’t realize how much abuse I denied even blatant adultery. She told me she was going to do these things and I just paid no attention. I recall once having sex with her and feeling sure someone had just been there and I just forgot about it. I can’t believe what I lived with and loved and after a year it still doesn’t feel much better.

  7. Kathleen Hewtson
    November 2, 2015 at 4:29 am

    Good as always Dr. Tara, here’s what nobody even you-and you,re the best, but listen if you can’t move to another country as we did to get away from the more vicious reincarnated new and improved of Lizzie Borden aka the crazy ex wife, then for the love of sanity at least move to another state! I’m a woman married to an escapee from the actual-(all other’s are wanna be,s) Queen of Hell. He wrote a book about it. Never,ever call them or allow your number to be found, maintain zero Internet presence. Cut off anyone no matter who they are who talks to her.

    Do not go near her children, they do not like it and she,ll make you sorry in ways no sane person could dream up. Here,s the ugly truth for men who married them and who may ( but probably aren’t) be the father of her children, you messed up, so get out-far out, restart your life completely and be glad you,re still alive and/or not in an asylum or prison. Keep contact and you,ll end up there. If you are a woman with one of these valiant survivors…stay only if they break forever and ever, otherwise, well :) enjoy a kind of misery that even Stephen King couldn’t dream up.

  8. B in Minneapolis
    October 24, 2015 at 12:51 am

    Thanks to Google, I saw this blog/website, and would like to pick anyone’s brain on a long-distance relationship.

    I met my girlfriend back in late July at an education conference in Austin, Texas. She is from Dallas and I live in the Minneapolis area. We connected over that weekend, had dinner together one evening and have stayed in touch daily to this point. In recent weeks, I have sent her flowers a couple times while she did send me a couple things for my birthday at the beginning of the month. In August, I agreed to travel down to Dallas for a long-weekend to see her, which happened this past weekend (October 15-18). However, I have some questions based on the following…

    —She has mentioned that she was raped in high school, got out an abusive engagement relationship at 23, had a live-in boyfriend that cheated on her shortly afterwards and was involved in Submissive activities until the past year. Is that typical of a girl to tell a guy if she really likes him, or is it a ploy in the idealistic stage of narcissism?

    —She has health issues related to cluster-headaches, sleep deprivation, back issues. She has openly said she needs at least 15 hours of sleep on Saturday to compensate for the lack of sleep during the school week. I don’t doubt that she has health issues, but beginning to wonder if she uses them as a ploy to pull people in before pushing them away.

    —Her friends are predominantly male and tends to go out drinking with the “boys’ from work on ocassion. She is adament that they are acquaintances despite having a one night stand with a now co-worker a couple years ago.

    —Stressed from a work situation in mid-September, she went off the grid for a weekend. Worried about her, I find out at while at an American football game that she got drunk, watched movies and spent the night with the co-worker she once had a one nighter with a couple years ago. She told me she was supertired to drive home, and her co-workers and her do this periodically. When I pressed whether something was still there, she told me no because they were in different places and that I was overthinking and getting paranoid.

    —Afterwards, she kept sending me texts about rings, marriage and babies…explaining that she thinks I am marriage material and completely different from the other guys she has dated. We seemed to get closer and deeper with each other until last week when she was starting to get more agitated and short. She wrote it off to work stress and issues with her cat.

    Prior to the visit, the conversations were more slanted to her, but I still felt I had a voice in the dynamic. However, when visiting her last weekend, the following developments occurred:

    —She started off very sweet and pleasant on Thursday, but by Friday night/Saturday, she treated me very coldly. On Friday night, she got herself completely drunk with a mimosa that was almost all champagne before passing out on me while we were watching Fifty Shades of Grey together. I did not realize how drunk she was until expressing disgust when I wanted to fool around with her on Saturday morning. She told me the drink made her feel great because it allowed her to fall asleep right away, but was angry with how hung over she was. For most of Saturday, she was quiet unless she could control the conversations. Any input from me was deemed trivial and a waste of her time. When asking her at dinner on Saturday night why she was looking out of it, I was told she was groggy because I wouldn’t let her sleep until noon (work up at 9am) and that I was overthinking things and becoming paranoid.

    —Physical intimacy was cold too. She showed no affection to my affection and accused me of being clingy. We had sex twice, but it felt cold and like running through the motions. Often times, I heard about her exes and how they are still in love with her and have never been able to move on after being with her.

    After talking to friends back in Minnesota on Sunday night and Monday morning, I was beginning to realize that this relationship is doomed. When telling her on the phone on Monday night that I felt shut out on Friday night/Saturday because of her actions/body language, she accused me of being clingy and not giving her any space to get ready with her hair and make-up because it takes her two hours to get pretty and sound inviting. What was challenging for me was her younger brother had the only other bedroom/bathroom and I was forced to crash in her room without any closet or general space of my own. I rolled with it, but was instead told I expected her to wait on me 24/7 with a bubbly personality. When trying to talk it out with her, she came across annoyed and said the issue was already resolved because of my lack of experience with women.

    We’re still talking, but the excitement dynamic is gone. We had a good conversation this evening (Friday), but she was quick to say that it had been the first time in days I was bringing up the same old issues. I am guilty of bringing up unresolved issues to try to bring closure, but she seemed to feed off it in the beginning in a positive way.

    My friends think she is both bipolar and narcissistic. Any advice or insights would be much appreciated. I know I am not perfect, but reading this site made me believe that getting sucked in to her world via constant calling and texting brought out a side in me that normally would not have been the case because of wanting to be there for her and afraid of losing her.

    Thank you for your time.

    • Jaye
      October 25, 2015 at 5:29 pm

      B

      sorry to hear that you are going through this, i am sure that its confusing to say the least. I am one for working hard for things that are wroth it…there is nothing good that comes easy including a successful relationship.

      I am not sure what is the case with your SO, but I can attest that at this stage of your relationship, that you should not be having the problems that you describe. They may in fact be issue that are not easy to overcome especially if she is NPD/BPD, its a decision that you will ultimately need to make for yourself. I CAN say, however, that at this point that you have invested comparatively little into your relationship with her and that ending it will be a LOT easier should you decide to do it not than later on down the road. In the case of my breakup, it came after 2 years and an engagement. Many non’s marry BPD’s, have children. homes, etc. and the inevitable breakup is exceedingly painful and disruptive to life.

      If you feel deeply that there is some salvation, I would encourage you to take the steps to do so. But on the other hand, I assure you that there IS life after any relationship.

    • Ross
      October 25, 2015 at 11:20 pm

      block her from your life (dont answer her calls, her texts or emails) she doesnt need to exist in your life. she’s toxic & not worth anyones time. use it as a learning experiment. the best part of it all is that you are so far away.

  9. Leif
    September 6, 2015 at 7:29 pm

    Great analysis. Thanks. I just broke up with one of these types a month ago and I have experienced a lot of it. The info on hoovers was particularly useful. I’m lucky this woman lives far away in another state although she did make a veiled threat when she wrote “but my friend, I am going to move out to LA”. I had Texed her the breaking up notice and have not said or wrote a peep. She has been texting In the deluxe Hoover mode so far, like nothing had changed. Months ago , particularly when we were together , I was constantly manipulated by her and fell into many of the traps you mentioned. I now have support and guidance of friends and intend to not be sucked back in by her by continuing no contact whatsoever. This person’s strength is in talking and attractive looks with charm and I am not letting her have the opportunity to use them. I intend to keep going out and meet other women and let this one fade out of existence.

  10. Brian
    January 31, 2015 at 5:43 pm

    Thank you so much for the very insightful article.My girlfriend of a little over a year(I’ve known her for about 10 years),recently walked out on me.Then she calls my sister crying, saying I broke up with her!!!! When she told me she was sexually abused by her father as a child,I didn’t put 2 and 2 together at the time, for her having BPD.I just felt alot of empathy for her, and went with the old cliche,”Love Conquers All.”She has been in therapy for years,is a recovering alcoholic,and has a myriad of medical problems.None of this mattered to me.I loved her more than anyone in my life,and took care of her and her needs on the spot.The hardest part of this for me,is coming to the realization that she never loved me in the first place.The saddest,is the fact(I believe),that she has never known real love,nor does she have the ability to recognize or feel it like most of us do.I was getting ready to shop around for a ring for her too,until this second outburst happened,and I saw the side of her that broke my heart to see.I thought I had finally found happiness later in life.It devastated me to the point that for the first time in my life,I had to seek counseling and a psychiatrist.It’s been a couple of months of NC.She has a big birthday coming up,and I thought I would break NC and send her a card.Bad idea?I guess I better not.I’m not one that can turn love on and off like a light switch.Apparently she is,(or didn’t really feel anything for me in the first place),as there has never been a word of remorse or a hint toward reconciliation.I guess it is just as well,as the same sort of thing and even more would have come out,and we’d be in divorce court.I still love her,and pray for her health and happiness each day.

  11. Chris V.
    September 15, 2014 at 8:04 pm

    Thank You. You may have saved my life. I finally put my finger on what the problem was. Now I can solve it. I dont think I would’ve made it much longer without your divinr wisdom. Jail insanity or death was knocking on the door. Thanks Again. Chris.

    • Kathleen Hewtson
      September 16, 2014 at 4:47 pm

      Dear Dr. Tara, I,ve been trying to reach you by email, about the book and being able to use some of your material, is there a different email I should try? Thanks so much Kathleen Hewtson Khewtson@me.com

      Sent from my iPad

      >

  12. Fred
    July 24, 2014 at 11:08 am

    I came here after getting a painful lesson on NPD or BPD types of people and reading a lot about them online and finding this site.

    Two months after my relationship has ended I am still picking up the pieces. I joined an internet dating site 3 years after getting a divorce. The first lady I met online was this amazing hot 10 year younger lady. Our first date was wonderful we chatted for hours and had so much in common. Within a few days we were sleeping together and the sex was really good. She seemed so into me and I was really getting quite keen with her. We started going out within a week and she volunteered to go on the pill immediately. I remember saying to her what was the catch life is not this good and why is an amazing 37 year old like you not married. I should have listened to my inner voice because it was raising a red flag that I subsequently ignored.
    She would make me feel like I was the most important man in her life and I must admit it felt wonderful. We made plans to move in together in a few months and would repeatedly say to each other that we wanted to see where this relationship would lead. She reciprocated all my feelings and I really started to fall for her. We would do teenage stuff like send 10-50 txts a day to each other saying how we were into each other – really childish but I actually liked it as well Along with making plans for the future together she talked to me about marriage and how I felt about getting remarried and if I wanted kids. Which opened up a whole possible future I had not envisaged for myself (I never had kids with my first wife) I really wanted to get to know her have a relationship get to know her family and let them see me for the decent guy I am.

    But as time progressed the cracks started to show in her perfect exterior and all the sex in the world could not cover them up. Every time we would meet she would comment about how a co worker wanted to screw her or a certain colleague had offered her money to have sex. I think she was doing this either to throw me off balance of more likely to show how desirable she was to me and herself. She would also continually bring up stuff I had done wrong over and over again even if I had apologized over it. Pretty soon it became obvious that I was almost dating two people the reasonable girlfriend or the crazy one and I often didn’t know which one was going to turn up to my house. After three weeks together our time would either be really happy or like sliding down a band saw blade depending on which girlfriend I was dealing with.

    She would constantly put me down saying I had a crappy job (which I do, I am a new emigrant to the country I am in and my first job is not a great one but I have a degree and 10 years professional management experience and was looking for a better job) or she would misinterpret everything I did as being bad and no matter what I said she would not believe me. She would accuse me of trying to get close to her to fleece her moneywise. This was before we went away together for a long weekend with me paying for everything and spending a lot of my savings and taking my car. We had a really good time away and made plans for the next long weekend in a month for some more time together.

    Five days after we get back she walks into my place does not say a word and packs her stuff. This is the day after she stayed the night and we had lots of sex. By now we had been dating for 5 weeks and I am actually starting to get sick of her schizo immature personality, the put downs and false accusations. I asked her to leave and that was that a week later I went to her house after she would not talk to me on the phone and we made up but things were strained especially since she admitted she had gone on 2 dates with guys in the week we were apart. I was shocked but she explained she had met them on the dating site before I had come along but had contacted them when she was newly single. It was this stage she let slip that she had been talking to them for a few weeks I guess if you lie all the time you can slip up.

    I made her take me home and log into her dating account she didn’t want to but did. I could see that she had initiated contact with these guys and chased them 2 weeks into our relationship when we were at our happiest – she had told me that she wanted a middle aged man to look after her. I guess these guys were better prospects. I lost it and called her every name under the sun and told her to leave. Which she did 2 days later she went to the police and lied through her teeth and got a restraining order on me.

    After the breakup I began reading a lot about BDP or NPD people all the pieces to her behavior fell into place and it explained to me why her actions were often so strange. She was selfish, had NO empathy whatsoever, often misinterpreted my actions, needed to be the center of attention (she had 5 wardrobes chock full of clothes) displayed different personalities, would manipulate the people around her including her family and my friends, yet deep down was scared and insecure.

    Now two months later I am still fighting the restraining order. I am Joe average and have never had trouble with the law and find the whole thing pretty stressful especially when I did nothing wrong. I have been spun off my axis and am still trying to regain the happy confident person I was and find myself being pretty bruised over the whole affair. Even when I divorced my wife I was not treated like this, a disposable piece of crap. There is so much that bothers me about this relationship I just wish I had never met this lady.

    • Brian
      January 31, 2015 at 7:20 pm

      Hi Fred,
      Thanks for sharing your story.I too,fell victim to someone I thought I knew who trampled my heart into the ground,and twisted my head around like a corkscrew.I hope your in a healthy relationship now.All the best!

      • Fred
        February 1, 2015 at 1:02 am

        Hi Brian,
        Sorry to hear that I am coming up to a year away from my ex and am so glad she is not in my life. I am dating a wonderful caring and decent lady and am so grateful that i have nothing to do with that disgusting creature. After the pain goes away you realise what a ride you have been on and when you meet someone normal you realise what you gave up to be with an npd person – never again for me.!

  13. Larryboy
    May 14, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    Bingo!

  14. Larry Kennedy
    May 11, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    Love your site Dr. T

    • shrink4men
      May 13, 2014 at 3:53 pm

      Thank you, Larry.

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