Home > humor, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Uncategorized > Burger Queen 911 Call: Narcissist Wants to Have It Her Way

Burger Queen 911 Call: Narcissist Wants to Have It Her Way


angry woman burger kingHere’s an example of a Narcissistic woman who took the Burger King slogan, Have it your way, a little too seriously. The following audio clip is an actual recording of a woman who called 911 to report a cashier at a Burger King who wouldn’t let her “have it her way.”

While I can’t say with certainty that this woman has NPD, only a highly entitled Narcissist would try to file criminal charges because someone didn’t do exactly as she wanted. “The minimum wage earning Burger King cashier isn’t doing what I want. Arrest that girl! Waterboard her!

I hope to god the police later filed charges against this woman for calling 911.

PLAY ME

Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Shrink4Men Consultation and Coaching Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

Photo credit:

Angry Whopper Woman at visit4info.com

Audio clip: entertonement.com

  1. Martin
    January 13, 2010 at 1:12 am

    Shellshocked!,
    You are doing great! hey tghe recognition is exactly right, you are “walking on landmines” how long do you want to do that??? Because for as long as you stay it will be this way. Sorry you are not the first to find this disorder, but you have now, read as much as you can.

    I think you are well on the way to helping yourself, hey I took 5 years, so don’t beat yourself up. Be grateful that you are young enough to use this information again in your life.
    I am now 55 still love women, just looking for the good ones again!

  2. justthefactsmam
    January 9, 2010 at 4:43 am

    I had friends tell me to stay away from her, that she will steal your happiness. I could not grasp what they ment. How could I? the beauty and the build-up charm is incredable. Then a huge mood swing out of no where. I remember being on top of the world and then in an instant, shocked and going down below the ground. My head was spinning. Did this just really happen???? I also remember trying to get to that happy place again. Instead it would be happy with eggshells crunching under my feet. Soon misery and more eggshells. The broken heart that these npd, bpd, hpd, can deliver leaves you totally reeling! You question your sanity. You feel so depressed, so hurt. You just can’t believe it is the same person. Then when you finally get the strength to move on they show up to torment you. The pain from a relationship with someone who suffers from these disorders can and will last a lifetime. Soon you see them and they have totally moved on to someone else and it is a shock to your system. You want to warn him, but you can’t. You are relieved to be free, yet longing for the person you thought you knew. My honest advice is run, run, run, and then run even faster. If you don’t darkness awaits!

    • Confused and shell shocked
      January 9, 2010 at 4:03 pm

      I am in the same boat. Within a second I see the roar come out and I sit there with my mouth open saying what just took place. Sometimes I leave the house and sit in the car just staring in shock. Sometimes she will call the cell phone and tell me if I am man enough I will go back in. My response is no I am wise enough to leave.
      Everynight I go there I am hoping this will be the turnaround only to get disappointed placed back in shock and wake up in the morning with racing thoughts doubting my own feelings totally downgraded, immasculated, self esteem shot etc.
      Like walking through a land mine and the mines are always shifting. I am man to admit when the other person comes out I definetly get scared.

  3. Mark
    December 26, 2009 at 10:41 pm

    Dr. Tara,

    Just wanted to say thanks for presenting the information in an easy-to-understand format. I’ve been single five years after being married to my HS Sweetheart for over thirty. Before I started single life, I had never been romantically involved with an NPD/BPD. Unfortunately, I can say that now I have been fooled several times. They are usually very attractive and can be incredibly charming, and suck you in with glowing words of praise and really passionate physical intimacy. But there is a steep price to be paid for getting emotionally involved with that type of personality. Fortunately, I am now aware of NPD/BPD traits to guard against getting emotionally hurt, but I still get sucked in every once in a while. When I look back on the events, I realize it’s my own fault for letting them choose a quick path to intimacy. I’m working on not letting that happen so quickly, recognizing that it will create an identifying upset in an NPD/BPD, but not in a more healthy personality.

    Thanks again

  4. December 15, 2009 at 6:31 pm

    sheesh,
    I’m dealing with a sister who NPD (if you like, check out my blog), I’ve been her target for years. Calling the police is indeed what they like to do. She even engineered a letter that she knew I would call her about. (yeah, dopey me, I let her push my buttons and I responded. I learned the hard way NOT to do that again). Anyway, she had set it all up. Called the phone company complaining of annoyance calls, and got a trap on the line (pre-caller ID and *57 and *69 days), sent an envelope addressed to me, but inside was a letter supposedly written by her 10 year old son to my fiance (she was also trying to break us up). When I called, she said wait, click. I thought we were disconnected. I called again. Same thing. Called the third time: again. What the heck? So what did this person (I even hate to call her my sister),? She calls the phone company and the police and pressed charges!
    My blog is all about the abuse she did has done, and is still doing.
    I told my other sisters, the only way we will ever get any peace is when this person dies. That’s sounds so horrible, doesn’t it? But I can’t help it. You guys don’t know half of what she has done. I get angry, I get depressed. But damit, she ain’t gonna drive me crazy. I’m too strong for that! Mostly I want some g-damit PEACE!

  5. Jon
    October 25, 2009 at 2:11 am

    My borderline was WAY to covert to do anything like this, which is what made her even more dangerous and difficult to identify. She DID get worse as the years continued, though…so who knows? Maybe in a few years I’ll see her on the news doing something just like this.

  6. October 20, 2009 at 12:32 pm

    Dr. T

    Thanks very much for sharing this event.

    While we may never know if the “Burger King Woman” is in fact a NPD it’s no doubt her reaction is over the top which explains the confusion stated by 911 operator..

    On point I like to point out is how those that do in fact suffer from a Personality Disorder may be diagnose with a primary PD such as NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) or BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). One thing many victims of these dysfunctional relationships may not know is because all these disorder had a primary disorder they all belong to the cluster B cluster and in fact share traits with other disorders within that Cluster.

    Back to “Burger King Woman”

    Again while her sense of entitlement was no doubt over the top she might have had a very stressful day and found a “victim” to release her emotional and psychological frustrations on. Which is its self very sad.

    The only way to know for sure if this personal behavior is consistence is too know this person better but then again would anyone want too? I for one would not.

    Still sad to see someone to act so childish and immature over a “burger” albeit an NPD or not…

    Thanks again for sharing!

    James

    • shrink4men
      October 20, 2009 at 1:50 pm

      Hi James,

      Thanks for making the point about Cluster B disorders. I discuss this in numerous posts on A Shrink for Men. Yes, sometimes people have a bad day and take it out on an unsuspecting stranger, however, most of them don’t have the stones to call 911 for a non-criminal event. As I also state, there’s no way to know if this woman has NPD, HPD or one of the other Cluster B’s, but the out of control entitlement and narcissistic injury/rage at being dismissed by a BK worker seems to point that way.

      Kind Regards,
      Dr Tara

      • October 20, 2009 at 2:56 pm

        “but the out of control entitlement and narcissistic injury/rage at being dismissed by a BK worker seems to point that way”

        And I could have to agree with you whole heartily. Having lived with one for 17 years does bring back old/bad memories Dr. T concerning this person’s behavior. Sad but true how these people will use others as their own emotional toilet.

  7. shrink4men
    October 20, 2009 at 5:09 am

    My friend is still going through the NPD meat grinder. Ugh. Unfortunately, I’m too close to give advice without stepping on toes.

    I agree about Eddy’s books being required reading in law school and by all family court personnel—including psychologists and social workers. Plus those folks should all have to take gender bias tests and if they fail—no court position!

    Thanks, re: the layout. I look forward to your email.

    Cheers!

  8. October 20, 2009 at 5:02 am

    **** IT, DO IT LIVE!!!

    Nope, no narcissism there…

    Getting cold and damp here, but it’s all good. How’s yer bud in Chi-Town? Just finished Bill Eddy’s book, gonna get his other one ‘Splitting’. Great stuff, and very insightful. I use what I’ve learned from it daily. It should be included in every Law School reading list.

    Nice new layout. I’ve sent a quite a few clients your way. They’ve found the site very helpful. I’ll drop you an e-mail soon, OK?

  9. October 20, 2009 at 4:46 am

    I got a sawbuck that says she watches Glenn Beck. Religiously.

    Hi Doc, from Rhode Island…

    • shrink4men
      October 20, 2009 at 4:49 am

      Hey Rhodie!

      Good to hear from you. How are things in my favorite state? No comment on Glenn Beck. I received some blowback for citing Bill O’Reilly as an example of a NPD not too long ago.

      I’d be willing to bet more than a sawbuck that she watches “Kate Plus 8.”

      Cheers,
      Dr T

    • L. Steven Beene II
      October 28, 2009 at 11:24 pm

      Kevin,

      Hey now, let’s not beat up on Glenn Beck. I personally watch his show. Sure, he’s a bit weird, and not your “usual” talk show host – but he puts stories out there that I NEVER hear from the MSM.

      And when people on the other networks tear into him, it’s not about how he got his facts wrong, it’s with his political beliefs.

      We can be conservatives/progressives, or black/white/Latino or whatever here – the focus of this site is getting men info on women who are abusive or/and who have disorders.

      What I like about this site is that for YEARS women have had access to help and articles and on and on it goes – but, generally, men have not. Let’s not color the discussions here with our political views.

      However, that said, lol, if you wish to debate a specific subject, bring it on. Hey, I mean that in the best way and love a good healthy debate. No personal attacks, and fact based – that suits me fine.

      Steven

      • shrink4men
        October 28, 2009 at 11:28 pm

        Actually guys, can we just steer clear of politics for now, please? For the record, Beck is neither a politician nor a journalist; he’s a talking head who spews opinions like most of them do. A journalist is someone like Bill Moyers; not another member of the MSM 3-ring circus.

        • Amegioa
          January 10, 2010 at 6:25 pm

          Lets be honest really… If someone is on TV regularly, chances are… whether you agree with them or not, they’re probably a NPD. I kind of feel that ‘extreme’ people all have issues. The extremely wealthy, extremely atheletic (like olympic athletes), etc… I mean, to devout that kind of time and energy to the pursuit of that much money or ability or noteriety or whatever seems to indicate to me a severe lopsided perspective on what is really important. Its obsessive. Like getting elected president, I’ve always said “Anyone who thinks so highly of themself to think they are the best man or woman for that job and devout that much time, energy and money to making it happen is probably the last person on earth you’d want as president cause they gotta be nuts!” lol

  10. Laura
    October 20, 2009 at 12:00 am

    Hi guys!

    Thanks for your answers. Well, I think I would be one of the one’s in the control category for her. Technically, everyone is. She needs to control in a way that I’d vouch for her calmness. It would be nice to know what causes all this stuff though. I’ve been checking out http://www.savethemales.ca and Henry Makow has his own opinions as to why some women are like this.

    I guess we’re all different things to different people…

    I dunno about you guys, but I’m craving a Whopper now! But not an “Angry Whopper”– That’s marketing directed to the BPD/NPD’s… ;)

    I have a male friend whom at one time was dating a woman that fits the BPD/NPD description. He couldn’t cope. He was actually (in the beginning) torn between starting a relationship with me or moving back to the States to be with her. He chose her…(Eeek!). I would get phone calls in the middle of the night from him sounding very unstable and telling me he was so stressed that he’d often thought of suicide just to get away from her.(Yeah, he told me he should have built a relationship with me instead, but nee ner nee ner eh? I think I was meant to be a friend anyways.. lol). He eventually cut off all contact with the BPD/NPD, but we had to strategize how he was going to cope. He was depressed and depressed people can have trouble making plans and thinking clearly, so I had to remind him of the things he enjoyed doing and we spent a few hours on the phone making a list. A physical list of all the things he enjoyed and another list of all the people who loved and cared about him that he could call or spend time with along with their numbers right on the list. Posted it on his fridge. Whenever he felt unstable he went to his lists. He found that very helpful, so if any of you guys want to try it, I’d say go for it. I’d also make another list of new things you’d like to do/try and how you can go about doing it. Keep it easily accessed and it may come in handy. :)

    PS. Glad I’m not the one being referred to… It’s all good. :)

  11. melove54
    October 19, 2009 at 10:07 pm

    It’s bad enough to have to deal with personality disordered individuals, this chick is just incredibly stupid! Maybe because she is out of touch with reality could classify her with some kind of disorder(one with 3 mouths and no ears!) I feel sorry for the man in her life!

    • shrink4men
      October 19, 2009 at 10:12 pm

      Just want to clarify, melove54. You’re referring to the woman in the audio clip and not Laura, right?

      Sometimes the way these messages appear on the page it’s hard to track who people are replying to. If your comment is about the woman in the audio clip, duly noted and agreed. If it’s directed at Laura, that’s not okay. Just want to make sure so there aren’t any misunderstandings.

      Thanks,
      Dr T

      • melove54
        October 19, 2009 at 10:43 pm

        Laura’s cool! My comment was strictly intended for the topic about BK lady. Sorry for the confusion Dr. T.

        • shrink4men
          October 19, 2009 at 11:04 pm

          Super. That’s what I thought. Just wanted to make sure!

  12. Laura
    October 19, 2009 at 9:18 pm

    Dr. T.,

    I think you need an “Ask Dr. T.” section. :) Do those with NPD/BPD have a steady variance? What I mean is can one be consistently mildly NPD/BPD or is it something that is swinging all over the place from one extreme to the other?

    I’m wondering because all these real experiences the men have shared on this site seem to be really out there extreme. I have a girlfriend that was diagnosed with BPD and is even on meds, but I think there’s other diagnosis’ in there (that must make it even scarier) like depression and OCD (I’ve known her since high school and in high school she was told she had OCD <— I could have told her that) and she always seems pretty calm and collected with me, so I guess I'm lucky she's not going bats*it on me…LOL. Do they only reserve the truly crazy crap for their partners?

    She's had a rough life and is basically a "lifer" when it comes to being in therapy. Is there such a thing as too much therapy because I'm beginning to wonder if there is because she's starting to sound like a self help tv channel when we go for coffee.

    Now that I'm commenting on this I doubt I'll be giving her the link to this site…tee hee…

    I'm beginning to wonder if those with NPD/BPD have a variety of mental health issues that adds to the confusion and mystery as to how to fix things…?

    • Kev
      October 19, 2009 at 9:53 pm

      Hi Laura,

      I can’t vouch for other former members of the “Not Good Enough” Club, but I noticed my ex tended to reserve her behaviors strictly for me. I did see her rage at her father once, but was so horrified afterwards that she called and immediately apologized (it was later made out to be my fault, if I recall correctly). As we primarily hung out with her friends, I can say that overall she seemed to be pretty well liked, but one good mutual friend let slip that she was “very opinionated.” Come to think of it, actually, a lot of times friends of hers bailed on being social with us. I originally put it down to distance we lived from them, but now I’m not so sure.

      Also, of course, a number of her friends “wanted” her, sexually (or so she claimed). I always shrugged it off, though. She probably wished I’d had a stronger reaction.

      I think the degree of crazy probably corresponds with the level of intimacy. It’s also easier to deceive people you only see once in a while, as opposed to the people you live with.

      Really, though, I’m just guessing.

    • jham123
      October 19, 2009 at 10:05 pm

      Laura, Why would a BPD woman worry about others that she only see’s now and again? They are all about control. And Who would they need to control? I know that answer, but I’ll allow you to ponder.

    • Mr. E
      October 19, 2009 at 10:38 pm

      “I’m wondering because all these real experiences the men have shared on this site seem to be really out there extreme. …she always seems pretty calm and collected with me, so I guess I’m lucky she’s not going bats*it on me…LOL. Do they only reserve the truly crazy crap for their partners? ”

      Not all of these abusive types are off the wall abusive. I’ve been keeping track of my wife’s behavior for the last year and although she’s far from pleasant, some of the stories on here have made me think “well, she’s not THAT bad.”

      But, nasty is nasty is nasty. Overt/covert abuses are all just different flavors of poo.

      My wife seems to have a set of people that she’s “free to be herself” around. Friends and her family (and me, of course) get to experience her anger, silent treatments, nasty comments, jokes and other unpleasantness. I’ve also become aware of people she bullies at her office (she slipped up and started gloating to me).

      However, there are others that she’s just sweet as pie with.

  13. nubiansage
    October 19, 2009 at 9:09 pm

    Hey, Doc. I really appreciate this website. For years during my marriage and since the divorce, I never understood the things that I expereienced with a BPD. It’s been nearly 3 years since my divorce and your website really confirmed what I experienced! Now, I know that I’m not alone because there are other men who have experienced what I’d gone through. Keep up the good work! And I’m especially glad to see that there’s a website that’s dedicated to men who are married/divorced from BPDs.

  14. 20plus
    October 19, 2009 at 7:53 pm

    Wow, unreal. Actually, unfortunately, I see it more and more. Women acting like children in adult bodies.

  15. guy
    October 19, 2009 at 6:23 pm

    she’s a narc…… my X “N” did the same /similar thing at a dunkin donuts in the drive thru although she didn’t call 911, it was definitly a screaming match that inevitibly left her frustrated because she could only see it the way she envisioned it. they need to make a colony for “N”s to habitate in like they did with the lepers in the biblical days, this way all humanity will be saved from them

  16. NoSeRider
    October 19, 2009 at 4:48 pm

    I should note that I live in Southern California. I’ve met these Laguna Beach/San Clemente girls. These people live in homes that sell at 500k plus and that’s just 1200 sq ft. It’s coastline property. Outside of LA LA Land, housing like that costs about 150k. I’m saying that when all your material needs are met you kind of lose perspective in life. She sounds like a princess, and she probably lives like one too.

    • shrink4men
      October 19, 2009 at 5:10 pm

      Hi NoSeRider,

      Unfortunately, this “princess” mentality permeates all socioeconomic levels and all geographic regions. Entitlement issues are epidemic in our society. I have no patience for that kind of nonsense.

      Best,
      Dr T

      • jham123
        October 19, 2009 at 5:23 pm

        My wife’s latest is the “disappointment” that our marriage did not immediately provide her with a Castle to reside in. She openly admits this, yet at the same time denies that she had/has entitlement issues.

        She believes that because others in her Church group have this same feelings that she is justified and that there is nothing wrong with this Entitlement expectation.

        Sadly, the real truth is that we lived in a 2200 sq ft home 2 miles from the beach……But since we only rented that home, her since of security “needs” were never met. Therefore her Anger and resentment for me at that time in our life was fully justified.

      • NoSeRider
        October 19, 2009 at 8:24 pm

        I’m always wondering if the ‘hippy’ movement esculated this kind of behavior? Supposedly, this kind of behavior became more common place during the 1970’s and that generation just passed it on to the next generation:

        http://www.angelfire.com/zine2/narcissism/malignant_narcissism.html

        • October 20, 2009 at 4:51 am

          As a 52 year old certified DFH, the definitive answer to your query is… NO. Thanks for playing.

          And it’s ‘hippie’. Jes’ saying. Peace out.

          • NoSeRider
            October 20, 2009 at 2:10 pm

            Well, my brothers are 56, 55 and 52 years old. So, not only do I have some childlike recollection of the 1960’s and 1970’s, but I also remember it being called the “me” generation…..it was usually do your own thing, and a lot of times at the expense of others.

            Drugs were certainly more prevalent….by sheer number of people alone. So, I don’t think it’s a definitive ‘no’. This intuitive remark has been backed up by books such as the ‘Culture of Narcissism’ by Christopher Lasch:

            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christopher_Lasch

            American material needs, the consumer society, started to boom during the 1970’s. So, I’m wondering if narcissism coincides with lack of despair and/or lack disappointment? That is all their wishes have been catered to?

            If narcissism hadn’t escalated during the later half of the 20th century….wouldn’t you think it would have by sheer number of ‘baby boomers’ alone?

            Maybe narcissism hasn’t increased by percentile of people, but maybe by sheer numbers? 10 percent of 6 billion, is greater then 10 percent of 3 billion.

          • NoSeRider
            October 20, 2009 at 3:08 pm

            Christopher Lasch was a historian, so this opinion is not entirely based on a psychological profiling.

  17. NoSeRider
    October 19, 2009 at 2:55 pm

    At the very least I think it’s Histrionic behavior in its nature.
    Either way you think about it, BPD NPD HPD, it’s still a cluster B
    drama self serving type behavior. It’s like impulse control and
    cognitive thinking have been suppressed.

  18. Derek
    October 19, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    Firstly, thanks for this highly enlightening blog. All that is described here is like the last five years of my life. I keep wondering where you hid the cameras!

    A bit about the use of the police. About four years ago, not long after the birth of our second son, my partner and I had an argument over something and I ended up going out for a walk to calm it down. When I came back it was late and I said I was going to bed and we’d talk about it in the morning. She couldn’t accept this and wanted to continue with the argument right then. I went to bed in the spare room, turned the lights out and thought that was it. Shortly after she came into the room with the telephone in her hand and said that if I didn’t get out of bed and continue the argument then she’d call the police. I think I laughed and said she couldn’t do that as I was in bed not doing anything. (Just to note here that there has never been any physical violence of any sort in our relationship). She then said that I’d see what she could do and she went downstairs. At this point I thought it was just a threat, but she actually did call the police and I was shocked at the change in her manner as she put on a huge act to sound like she was being abused and actually told the operator that she was being abused and it had been going on for years. I was stunned. I got up and went downstairs and the police arrived shortly afterwards. They talked to us both and finally came to me and said that she admitted over reacting.

    What really shocked me was that the next day I asked her about it expecting some apology or at least acceptance that she over reacted and all she could say was ‘I felt threatened’ over and again. It was like a line someone had told her to use. That was the first time I realised that I was dealing with something very wrong. I stayed for the sake of our two children.

    She did the same thing in March this year. I had been under strain dealing with the behaviours described for BPD/NPD and I lost my temper over something silly when getting the children ready for school. She came in and launched a massive verbal assault and I again ended up walking away to the kitchen to calm things down. I was doing the washing up when she came in for round two, and instead of my usual approach learned over the years to keep things calm I committed the crime of answering her back, disagreeing with her and pointing out some of her faults. She went ballistic and threatened to call the police if I didn’t shut up. I still had my hands in the sink when she did the same thing as before and called the police saying she was being abused. Same result. Police came and found no problem. Same one line answer as before.

    We are now in process of splitting up as I finally realised what was going on and have carefully asked her not to shout at me and suggested she talk to the doctor (she’s been seeing a number of therapists over the years but none of them have picked up anything). I am making notes and taping her when she gets into a rage to protect myself against this sort of threat as no one will believe me if she calls the police and makes accusations.

    • jham123
      October 19, 2009 at 3:04 pm

      Calling the police is their “Trump” card of control. Mine did that to me. It has made me leery of living here in the future. When I was 17 I did “A few things” that jeopardized my Liberty. I swore then that I’d never put myself in that situation ever again. Now what? Here I am, like you, being subjected to false accusations. All it will take is one “dull” cop and I’ll be in the slammer. Mind you, it may not be for long. But a few hours in a Jail Cell will surely modify your thinking.

      Funny, All I did to get the police called on me was yell…..”If you are so unhappy, why don’t you leave?” This is what lead her to say that she “Felt Threatened”……….Dr. T. is that a code in the Psych world?

      • shrink4men
        October 19, 2009 at 3:13 pm

        I feel threatened. . .

        . . .that I’m losing my control over you and I’m going to show you who’s boss.

        . . . that you no longer take me seriously, so I’ll have the police enforce my demands and you’ll think twice before dismissing me again in the future.

        . . . that you’re not letting me have my way because that means I’m not in control, so you deserve to be in jail.

        Never once do these women feel like they’re in physical danger. It’s a psychological threat—they can’t tell the difference. Mind you, the psychological threat is that you’re not allowing her to abuse you or are putting a boundary in place or are challenging her crazy distortions. This is the “crime.”

        I don’t understand how men can live under this kind of REAL threat. You’re the ones who are in actual jeopardy, not her. Wake up and get out.

        Kind Regards,
        Dr Tara

        • jham123
          October 19, 2009 at 3:34 pm

          Interesting…..Yes, I’ve never lifted a finger toward her and yet she makes this claim. If it is ever brought up again, she makes the same claims over and over again. Never apologizing….

          I understand better now, thanks.

    • shrink4men
      October 19, 2009 at 3:23 pm

      Hi Derek,

      You’re very smart to keep a record of her behaviors. If you’re out of the house, I encourage you to keep most of your communication via email (paper trail) and try to have a third party with you when you pick up and drop off your kids.

      You encounters with the police are truly terrifying. You’re very lucky they didn’t take you away. Nevertheless, there’s now a record that she called on the police on you twice because “she felt threatened.” Why didn’t the police haul her off for making bogus calls? If I’d been the officer that’s what I would’ve done for wasting my time and taxpayers’ money.

      Best,
      Dr Tara

      • Derek
        October 19, 2009 at 3:44 pm

        Hi Tara,

        I’ve only started keeping the records and taping things for about 6 weeks so I don’t have it for when she has used the police. I tape things now if she gets into a rage so that if she threatens to use them again I’ll have something solid. We are separating but have to stay in the same house for the time being until it’s sold, though I may have to get out sooner if I can!

        We do communicate via email as I’ve insisted on it for important things. I’ve got things in writing now that may be very useful in legal matters.

        The “I feel threatened. . .” had me really thrown both times she used it. You can’t argue with it as she doesn’t state it as a fact that she WAS threatened, only that she FELT threatened. The police are in a very difficult position with it. Both times, even though the policy is to remove one person in a domestic call out, they were happy not to take any action (this is in the UK by the way). I was very close to being removed from the house on the first occasion but told them about the fact she was on anti-depressants and seeing a counsellor and we had two kids in the house and they thought it best I stay.

        I also can’t believe how I’ve lived for these years under this threat. I kept making excuses for her and thinking the next good stage would last. Also stuck with it for the children. I’ve felt very confused over the years and reading this blog was a lightbulb moment to find everything I was going through was known and I wasn’t alone!

        • shrink4men
          October 19, 2009 at 3:52 pm

          Hi Derek,

          This is a good example that illustrates the extreme to which these women use emotional reasoning. They feel or wish something is true, therefore, it is true. They mistake feelings for facts, especially if it serves them in some way or gets them their desired outcome—the truth and anything or anyone else be damned.

          I think it’s even more important that you’re recording her rages now as you go through the separation process. These women become even more unhinged when they feel rejected or abandoned.

          I’m glad to read you’re getting out. No one should have to live this way. I hope for your children’s sake you get very liberal custody rights so you can minimize the psychological damage your wife inflicts upon them.

  19. Freedom
    October 19, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    I think one of the strangest ironies of life is that these people can reproduce like rabbits too!!! yeesh… the world needs to come to a screeching halt because her burger is wrong?!?!?! i worked a lot of years in the restaurant industry, and 6 years at BK thru high school and college. i saw a lot of these… losers…

    • shrink4men
      October 19, 2009 at 3:19 pm

      I know! What’s up with that? When I worked at a non-profit clinic (someone makes a profit at these places, but it’s not the staff on the front lines) the craziest, most abusive women on my caseload had the most kids.

      I don’t know if they’re more fertile or if they reproduce more to have more “hostages” by which to manipulate the fathers and other family members or mini-me’s to boss around and demand love from. I could never figure it out.

  20. Mike91163
    October 18, 2009 at 8:45 pm

    Holy Cow! While my wife has never done something as insanely stupid as calling the cops over something like this, she HAS done everything just short of that…yes, she has refused to move up in a drive-thru when her order was messed up…yes, she has made quite a few scenes in stores at the register when something wasn’t quite right…ugh.

    Thanks for the heads-up on the call content, Doc…without it, I probably woulda had a “flashback” episode!

    • shrink4men
      October 19, 2009 at 12:27 am

      I’ve seen these women pitch fits in public, but to call 911 over BK? Also, this nut changes her story by the end of the call. At first, she tells the 911 operator that they screwed up her order. Toward the end of the call when the operator tells her to act like an adult, she plays the “mommy card” and says she’s “just trying to feed her kids.”

      Even better. She’s teaching her kids it’s okay to treat service people like crap, that it’s okay to call the police when you don’t get your way and she’s feeding her kids food with no nutritional value. . . and the mother of the year award goes to. . .

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