Home > Abusive relationships, Borderline Personality Disorder, humor, Marriage, Narcissistic Personality Disorder > Top 10 Holiday Gifts for the Narcissist in your Life

Top 10 Holiday Gifts for the Narcissist in your Life


It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Unless you’re involved with a controlling, abusive narcissistic, borderline and/or histrionic woman, in which case it’s a nail-biting, high anxiety time of year. Many downtrodden husbands and boyfriends dread the annual quest for the perfect holiday, the perfect family and the perfect gift for their insatiable, never-satisfied wives and girlfriends.

Why do these women seem to be hellbent on making sure it’s a miserable holiday?

There are several possible reasons:

  • Control. It’s just another way for her to control everyone. On special occasions, these women tend to act out even more than usual, which gets you to jump through more hoops than usual—double-time.
  • Party Pooper. This kind of woman likes nothing better than to keep others from having a good time. It’s not enough for her to be sullen and angry; all the Whos in Whoville need to be miserable, too. In fact, it warms her 2 sizes too small heart to ruin holidays and other special occasions.
  • Center of Attention. Everything’s always about her. By escalating her typical bad behaviors during the holidays, she becomes the center of attention. Everyone walks on eggshells to please her and make sure everything is to her liking, which is never going to happen, by the way.
  • Isolation. Many of these women wreck the holidays to avoid spending time with your family and/or keep you from seeing your family. This is also about controlling you and spoiling what could be a warm and loving occasion.
  • Unhappy childhoods. Perhaps some of these women have horrible memories of the holidays from their childhoods and for their own twisted reasons are compelled to continue the painful tradition in their adult lives.

It doesn’t matter how much you spend or how much thought you put into selecting a present; you’re going to fail. Why not go down in flames with a laugh? Here are some suggestions for what to give the Narcissist, Borderline and/or Histrionic in your life this year:

1. The Disney Princess Magic Talking Mirror Set. This enchanted mirror allows your self-appointed princess to gaze at her reflection and be told, “You look too lovely today!” and “You’re the fairest in the land” and You’re the most beautiful princess in the whole world.”

It’s a must-have for every Narcissist on your gift list this year. Plus, if you buy her a bulk package of batteries from Costco, it will save you some time and energy in the undying adoration department. She’ll be thrilled with her new never-ending narcissistic supply and you’ll be a hero for 5 minutes—until she starts to compare you to the mirror. Why can’t you be more like my Magic Mirror? SIGH. . .

2. The Green Hornet Hot Shot Electric Cattle Prod. Think of the endless hours of fun your wife or girlfriend will have zapping you when you least expect it. If she had any friends, they’d all be “green” with envy. . . “How dare you criticize me!” Zap. “Who do you think you are to question me!” Zap. “Stop being so sensitive.” Zap. “I shouldn’t have to tell you what I want; you should know.” Zap. “I’m bored.” Zap. Dance monkey!” Zap.

3. A Box of Applause. I was going to write my own snarky description, but I don’t think it’s possible to build upon the sales blurb at Sky Mall:

Craving a little recognition? Someone who gets your jokes? Open the Box of Applause and be greeted with the sounds of cheering and clapping from a very enthusiastic crowd. Close your eyes and imagine yourself accepting that Oscar, Nobel Prize or Best Comedy Emmy.

Yes, this is the real product description. I’m pretty imaginative, but I can’t make up stuff like this.

4. The Personalized Insult Ringtone. It’s the perfect gift to allow your Narcissist to “reach out and abuse someone;” namely you. You’ll know exactly whose on the other end of the line when the insults begin. It’s guaranteed to cause a Pavlovian fear response whenever you hear her dulcet tones. . . all from beemp3—free of charge! (Click on the links to sample.)

5. The Husband/Boyfriend GPS Tracking System. Tired of her endless interrogations? Where were you? Who were you with? Who did you talk to? Where did you go after work? You were gone too long to just have been at the store?

Indulge her controlling nature and put her pathological jealousy to rest with this handy dandy GPS tracking system that records everywhere your vehicle has traveled during the day. All she has to do is attach it securely to your vehicle and then pop it into her computer’s USB port (or you can do it for her). Sure, it’s restrictive, but it’s less invasive than a microchip embedded in your molar.

6. Retractable Leash and Collar. It’s the perfect gift to show who’s really in charge. She likes to “yank your chain,” so why not give her the real thing? Why a retractable leash instead of a basic leash? All the better to screw with your head, of course.

She’ll give you just enough lead to let you momentarily experience a sense of freedom. Then with the mere push of a button—click—your feet fly out from underneath you and you’re flat on your back wondering what the heck happened. Changing the length of the leash at will gives her the added bonus of the element of surprise and the inability to predict when she’ll jerk your chain.

And as long as we’re on a canine theme. . .

7. Your Very Own Dog House. It’s the perfect gift for when you disappoint her, displease her or try to do something nice for her. Yes you did all the laundry, but you didn’t fold the towels the way she likes. Yes, you took her car to get serviced on your lunch hour, but you didn’t bring it back with a full tank of gas. You were breathing to loud. You looked at her the wrong way. You didn’t respond to her quickly enough. What can you do? Where can you go? Why your very own dog house.

Many abusive women think there’s no greater punishment than giving you the silent treatment and/or banishing you from their presence. Your very own dog house gives you a place to go until she thinks you’ve suffered enough. *DirectTV hook-up ready.

8. Stigmata Costume. It’s the perfect gift for your favorite martyr/professional victim! Nothing quite says, “See how much I sacrifice for you! I do everything around here. You never lift a finger to help me—Hey! Stop mopping the floor when I’m talking to you! And that’s another thing—you NEVER listen to me. You don’t love me. The only person you think about is yourself!” than some nice oozing stigmata wounds.

Abusive Cluster B personalities (narcissists, borderlines, histrionics and sociopaths) are notoriously lazy. Wearing fake stigmata will save your martyr precious time from her “busy” do-nothing schedule by allowing her to “shorthand” her usual victim shtick. Instead of her “me, victim—you, bastard” routine, a simple hand gesture will do. *Wooden cross not included.

9. The Boyfriend/Husband/Ex Punching Bag. This is the perfect  gift no matter the time of year. Think of this inflatable man as your stunt double and let “Pinky” take some of the heat.

The plastic photo pouch allows your wife/girlfriend/ex to personalize her psychotic rage episodes or cold silences when you’re not available. She can yell at and/or ignore Pinky whenever it “strikes” her fancy. The best part is that your “better half” can unleash her demons with zero damage to you! He can also act as a stand-in for when she starts one of her pointless, endless grievance sessions right before bedtime after you’ve had a hard day at work.

As an added bonus, when you’re finally ready to end your abusive relationship, your ex will have “someone” on whom to take out her frustrations. *Air pump sold separately.

10. Fukitol for You. Because sometimes the best thing you can do is pour yourself a pitcher of heavily spiked eggnog and say, “F—– it all.”

Happy holidays, everyone!

by Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Shrink4Men Coaching and Consultation Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

Donations

If you find the information I provide free of charge helpful and valuable here on Shrink4Men, please consider making a donation via PayPal to help me maintain the site.

Photo credits:

Disney Magic mirror at Amazon.

Electric prod at WholesaleMidwest.

Applause box at Sky Mall.

GPS at GPSspousetracking.

Man on a leash at yumsugar.

Dog house at JillsHideout.

Stigmata costume at Costumestore.

Inflatable man punching bag at perpetualkid.

Fukitol at Fukitol.


  1. Lorenzo
    February 6, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    Reading this again, it also put another piece of the puzzle together for me. I could not understand how my Narc could work so many hours a day, year after year, leaving at 7am and not returning till 7pm yet if she wasnt at work she did nothing. Now granted I dont know if her poor time skills and maybe laziness at works made it so she was one of only few that had to stay late day after day OR if she did it because she could then get more attention by being the “one who works so much”…poor me poor me, look how hard she works attention but what I could never figure out was if someone worked or supposedly worked so hard how is it that outside of work they could be so lazy. If she wasnt working she was either sleeping or watching tv or going to some store/mall with her mother. I get it that people punch the clock and then unwind but there is also the person that works non-stop and when they come home they at least maintain that ethic somewhat. Every day I have to spend an hour picking up all her clothes from the night before and that morning from going to work. She never wants to take care of the dog unless its feeding her in the morning or getting attention. Its like having 2 different people, the one that “works hard” and the one I see behind the scenes. My mom caught on to this early, she would come here on her day off (Mondays) and couldnt understand how someone who worked this hard supposedly could be the extreme opposite outside of work, especially in her own home. But now I get it, nobody sees it. She portrays the work ethic b/c that is visible but inside the home only I know the real truth. It reminds me to our major difference in life. The day we bought our house and moved in there were dishes in the sink and her mother and her both agreed that “now that its your house you dont have to bother” and I said back “now that its our home we have to bother”. I guess its a difference of lifestyles but now I see that as much more deep. They both agreed to a concept “nobody will see it so ill do as i want”, how ironic.

    • shrink4men
      February 6, 2010 at 6:34 pm

      Hi Lorenzo,

      She allegedly works that hard at work. Narc’s tend to make much ado about nothing when it comes to their work ethic and accomplishments.

      I used to work at a mental health clinic with a bunch of self-appointed martyrs who came in early and stayed late, yet were always far behind in their clinical notes, other paperwork, etc. They spent day after day, going back and forth to each others’ offices complaining about how much they had to do. Meanwhile, if I had to stay late for a client or a group, I came in later the following morning. The clinic paid next to nothing, treated their employees badly and didn’t offer overtime, so they got 40 hours from me and not a minute more.

      The realization that I was working in yet another crazy environment occurred near the end of my tenure there. My supervisor was giving me my biannual review and said, “What are you still doing here?”
      Me: “Pardon me. What do you mean?”
      Her: “You finished your doctorate. I thought you would move on after you finished your degree. What are you still doing here?”
      Me: “Making a living, so I can pay the rent. I can’t believe you just asked me that.”
      Her: “The people you think are your friends here aren’t really your friends. No one likes you.”
      Me: “Really? That’s interesting, considering they see me socially and spend time with me when they don’t have to outside of work.” (Meanwhile, I’m in shock that this so-called professional is even having this conversation with me—talk about a hostile work environment.
      Her: “Well, they don’t think you take your job seriously.”
      Me: “Based on what?”
      Her: “Everyone else struggles to keep up with their notes, intakes, blah, blah, blah and you act like it’s no big deal.”
      Me: “If I don’t take my job seriously then why are all my notes current?”
      Her: “See. You don’t think it’s a big deal.” Koo-koo.
      Me: “Clinical notes and paperwork aren’t a big deal. I have a session and then I spend 5 minutes entering the notes. Maybe if my colleagues spent less time visiting with each other complaining about how hard their job is and how much work they have to do and spent more time actually focusing on doing their work, they wouldn’t be so behind.”

      The conversation only became more abusive from there. I was gone from that facility within 6 months. My point is, many people (narc’s in particular) make a big fuss about how much work they have and how hard they work, but often accomplish very little. However, they invest a lot of time and energy making others think that they’re carry the weight of the organization on their shoulders. They create the perception and that perception becomes others’ reality. When you look at the actual work they do, their claims of being such a hard worker usually don’t hold water.

      • Livin'Better
        June 5, 2010 at 6:40 pm

        I had never linked the laziness to this particular issue… one more piece of the puzzle sliding into place after 30 years with “the princess”.
        …..Oh, I’m ordering the stigmata nail holes…. one size fits all, correct?

    • Mr. E
      February 8, 2010 at 7:52 pm

      Lorenzo – My wife “works so hard” that she “shouldn’t have to” think about what she wants for dinner. I should just know what sounds good to her and suggest it. Because, you see, she thinks and makes decisions all day long. Meanwhile, I apparently just play with silly putty and finger-paint at work. A nice, easily-deniable insult there.

      Also, pretty much everyone she works with is somehow a complete idiot (and a jerk), apart from her favored few. It’s a good thing she’s there to make everything run smoothly, or they’d all be screwed. And I just can’t believe the incompetence of the management at her company. Who hired these people? It’s amazing the building hasn’t fallen over. :D

      She’s also happy to tell I don’t do anything around the house while I’m doing the laundry, cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming, taking care of the pets, maintaining our vehicles, and so on… I mean, OK, maybe I cleaned the bathroom but DID I POLISH THE CURTAIN ROD???

      Meanwhile, she’s on the couch. Because she’s so tired from working so hard all day.

      …Yay, V-day approaches.

  2. Lorenzo
    February 3, 2010 at 8:11 am

    This article has put me into an outer-body experience. My wife’s mother has done this for every holiday, she ruins every one. As an example, the 2nd Christmas I experienced with them I noticed how they all surrounded her mother as she sat on the sofa and presented gifts to each other. I could not believe my eyes what I would then see. Each gift that she was presented with some of the following comments by her were made. “Ok, well not really thrilled about this gift”, “This is ok”, “Does anyone know me at all?” and “Well I guess Im just so difficult that everyone buys me clothes” and that is when I realized why my wife and her siblings and father would spend 2 months having conversations and tons of stress about buying their mother gifts. This is a small example of the year after year holiday season. I have never seen such a disgrace, my mother would love gifts that I gave her no matter what it was, she was just so content to all be together, she never even wanted gifts. My wife I cant say acts this way towards me when I present her gifts but I can say that each Holiday is a major stress, she will have her “moments” several times between Thanksgiving and Christmas and while we have hosted Thanksgiving the past 4 years without fail she says she will cook for that day even though I cook the whole year each night. I realized that she did this because she had to show her suffering to everyone on how hard she works and now is going over the top and cooking Thanksgiving. The problem was each of the past 4 years she has had a major meltdown because she hasnt been able to handle it and I have had to take over each time. Partially the reason being her mother was there and her mother is just a nasty Narc herself and partially because my wife is one as well. The Holidays with a wife Narc and Mother in Law Narc is torture for me. My family has always loved the Holidays, my previous girlfriend of 7 years we had such great Holiday times but since I have met my wife for the past 8 years I have struggled to get through them BUT i have not let up and let them ruin it, at least not totally. This article really put the whole Holiday stuff out there for me. I have never seen such things happen even in situations with some stress of everyone together, the stuff I have seen is just down right demonic.

  3. Viper1j
    December 29, 2009 at 11:32 pm

    Yeah, it’s all well and good, but the thing that really sucks, is that you don’t get to pick who you fall in love with, or who loves you. (Otherwise Julianne Moore and Nicole Kidman would be having a cat fight in my front yard. :) ) You meet someone, and there’s a spark, and it happens. Trying to prevent it, is like trying to empty the ocean with a teacup.

    And then she goes toxic, and you’re stuck. EVERYBODY tells you shes a psycho b!tch, and you just say “yeah, I know”.. but you still can’t let go..

    What then?

  4. Mike
    December 15, 2009 at 8:07 pm

    “Unhappy childhoods. Perhaps some of these women have horrible memories of the holidays from their childhoods and for their own twisted reasons are compelled to continue the painful tradition in their adult lives. ”

    My soon-to-be-ex-wife claims that her family Christmas was perfect growing up. Everyone sat nicely around the tree and had their gifts handed to them by another. After opening the gift, the reciever would talk about how the gift made them feel and the giver would reflect on the reason for the gift.
    “Your family just thinks about hording and ‘gimme gimme gimme’ they just tear into gifts look at them say a half hearted ‘thanks’ and move on to the next present. It makes me ill!”
    She sits and sulks the entire time we are at my Mom’s house and then complains about everybody in my family doesn’t “understanding what Christmas is all about. It’s all about being thankful and being with family”. But she doen’t want to talk to anyone because they are not “into the same things” she’s into (promoting bar room cover bands for gratification, not pay)so they are all “snobs”.
    When I offer to go to her family’s for Christmas she says “No, because they aren’t doing anything for Christmas”.
    …….And it’s my family that dosn’t “get it”

  5. Bunker Dweller
    December 15, 2009 at 4:44 pm

    michael :
    do you think she will ever leave me alone?

    I think she will, but it depends on you. If you play games and send her texts and emails once in awhile, she’ll bug you forever. But if you are disciplined, show no interest, and are absolutely resolved to get her out of your life, she’ll eventually go away. You have to be serious and get tough if you want to win. And if you do–ultimately, she’ll ignore you back =). It’s the weirdest thing, but my wife started to avoid contact with me and sort of demonized me herself. I don’t care, though. “Don’t go away mad…just go away.” =)

  6. michael
    December 15, 2009 at 2:20 am

    do you think she will ever leave me alone?

    • guy
      December 15, 2009 at 1:57 pm

      no she will never leave you alone.my ex N is an attention whore, always claiming to be the victim, mine went to the cops three times.. let me ask you this………would you date a woman who has two children from two different fathers, dated her step mothers brother a year after her divorce, hasa restraining order against one of her ex boyfrineds and was in 7-9 “relationships” in three years time and i was one of them for a year? what do you think her new boyfriend thin ks of all these chains she’s carrying around? she’s a “victim” he’ll protect her and shelter her from all the bad things that haunt her from her past…………its all bullshit….she is a victim of her own circumstance she created the mess in her head and wants everyone else to mop it up for her. she’s a child housed in an adult boidy…….you are a part of her past, this is where they like to live, as dr t has said to me you will become a “prop” for her next relationship you will be talked about in a good fashion then slammed to the floor in her next breath so her new victim will make her feel at ease and say all the loving caring ” i’ll take care of you” lines etc…

      been there, done all of the above you mentioned, i thank god for the learning expierience,…….now i can see thru most woman like the bionic man

    • Danielle
      December 15, 2009 at 11:06 pm

      Michael, if you haven’t read this already, I think you would find great inspiration from the comments from “Bunker Dweller” https://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2009/11/19/the-no-contact-rule-committing-to-it-and-making-it-work/#comment-3742. He writes several comments in this post about his process of gaining freedom through the No Contact rule. It’s extremely inspirational.

  7. Jim
    December 14, 2009 at 8:54 pm

    Ruining the holidays is a hallmark behavior of my X. She did it every time, which I have only recognized in hindsight. It was all passive aggressive and drama then.

    Now after divorce she makes false allegations about me and how I treat my kids. Like clockwork, this intensifies as the holidays approach. Indifference is the best. Don’t give her one second of reaction. That will wreck her Christmas. Let her rot in her daily hell.

  8. Ron
    December 14, 2009 at 3:30 pm

    Mike, I teach golf professionally, as well. And, my XW was very beautiful. She sounds much like your ex.
    Life with one of these women is about the lonliest expierience one can have. And, there is just an incredible amount of dram, constantly. One gets no peace at home.
    Don’t get me started on the financial ramifications of marrying someone like this. Suffice to say that my XW had over 50 bikinis, 3oo pair of shoes and hundreds of designer jeans and tops. She was a stay at home mom, so she must have needed all these clothes, right?
    You dodged a huge bullet. Read up on the red flags to look for when dating and be very careful about contraception.
    My XW “accidentally” got pregnant. While I am grateful for my children, I can see how she used the pregnancy to trap me.

  9. michael
    December 13, 2009 at 5:41 pm

    Thanks so much for your support. It has been very hard for me, but I finally saw the lights over a month ago. I had to see a therapist for months to get my head back on track. The lies, the things she said I will never forget. BC i didnt do the “simple” thing like wait for her, she went to the cops on me to punish me. women like this think they are above authority. She lied to the cops that I harreset her from a certain time frame when we broke up, but the day before she went to the cops she was at my place.. lol… She is going to be one of those women i hear on tv that will kill her kids and said i voice in her head told her too. I had to get a lawyer to drop everthing and prove this girl is lying. She puts this facade on, fake self to ppl that she is beautiful wonderful person. If what i know now i wouldnt have even looked at her. I cannot believe i was engaged to this person. scary. I moved to cali to pursue my dreams. I am a teaching professional for golf. When she said I was sufficating her, I was working 12 hours a day while her lazy ass was playing farmville, then expected me to go out till 3am to drink. screw that. I did have one bad day in a year, where I just had a break down. Her mom loved me, but her mexican father would say, oh the my last name dont have money, or mike will cheat on your with an older women.. UM< NO..
    just stupid shit loke that. I was in a very toxic environment and i didnt know how to get out.
    Instead, she should have asked, michael what is wrong, you never act like this.. what is wrong.. u ok… then i would have broken down and tell her what was wrong, but to her, it was all about her, it was her fault or something…… lack of empathy.

    I have blocked her from facebook, myspace, emails everything… It is very hard every day, but I know i deserve so much better, and this girl will never be happy…deep down this women know exactly who they are…. she lost the best thing ever.

    • Brian Gard
      December 17, 2009 at 6:41 am

      Hello Michael,

      You are very lucky to have rid yourself of this very sick and twisted
      woman. In your story of the interaction with her it is clear she to me
      she was using the exchange to break you down, had you stayed with this
      game you would of been a shaking, slobbering, insane idiot before much
      longer. You realize now that there was nothing but torment on insanity
      to deal with her, also realize this is all this woman has for any man.
      I was with one for 8 years, she sometimes seemed sane and sweet and
      generous, but in the end she had no love and the outcome of her relationship
      with men, relatives and family always went sour. She shot herself dead
      two weeks ago and left a note informing the school where she taught were
      she could be found, the students of the middle school all new she had killed
      herself. Had I stayed with her I am fairly certain I too would of been
      dead long ago. You are a survivor like me and thank your lucky stars.
      Listen to Kenny Chesney and Dave Mathews “I’am Alive” and embrace those
      words for the rest of your life.

      Brian

      • michael
        December 19, 2009 at 1:47 am

        To All, thank you so much for all the support. It has been a very rough, painful road, but still has I didnt want to live anymore.. I found peace and understood that this women that I loved with every inch of my heart and soul wasnt real. The things she did to me, the things she said I will never forget. This girl was the love of my love, I wanted to give her my name, but at the end she changed. Her illusion, her facade was coming off and I could see the real monster. It took me months of therapy, crying to understand who she is, or better understand what she is. I treated this women with respect, love, and passion. not once did i raise my voice. Not once did I say anything negative about her. I was emotionally, physically, and spiritually connected to her. Now, I look back and it hurts that I loved a person who wasnt real. She could never feel what I felt for her.
        It was amazing to me when she wrote me last week ( had no contact for a month) that everything was my fault. That everything she did for me ( naming things like golfing, seeing my parents) that should have never been talked about. You do those things bc you love the person… She is a 26 year old extremely beautfiul girl trapped in a 12 year old head.
        I feel so sorry for her even with everthing that has happened. It was amazing to me when she said, I cannot ever understand why you couldnt do something so simple. WOW..
        Her parents (who are mexican) money is the most important thing to them. Its horrible. I have been very blessed with things that one day I can give my children, but I Never once took those things for granted. Her father would always comment to cristina that i would cheat on her.. I have personally been cheated on twice and my morals are so strong i would never do that to someone else. How can someone say that to their daughter. This guy said he actually liked me a lot. I could talk about things for hours of what I had to go through with her and her family….

        Every day is a struggle, every day I miss her bc she took a lot more than my heart. I am 23, very passionate person. I am very lucky to have such a supportive system like my parents. I just picked up and moved out of san antonio to palm springs. Teaching golf is my passion, but one day hopefully my dream comes true and I will be on tour.

        I know deep down i will never fully recover. I wont let her stop me from loving someone else, but I dont want to for a very long time.

      • michael
        December 19, 2009 at 2:42 am

        Brain, glad you are ok.. sometimes i wonder if she will change and say she is sorry.. but i know it will never happen. everything just hurts a lot

  10. ron7127
    December 13, 2009 at 3:22 pm

    That young woman is deeply disturbed, much like my XW. Just stay clear of her.
    Nice gifts, Doc.

  11. Jon
    December 13, 2009 at 9:06 am

    BTW Mike…

    Any woman who calls the cops on you and makes you sit in jail for no reason is VERY POISONOUS. My friend is doing many years in prison because of such a woman.

    I truly would take it very personal if a woman did that to me…stay away from her.

  12. Jon
    December 13, 2009 at 9:01 am

    Yea Mike,

    Notice the “Blame Frame” these women get so deeply entrenched in. Everything was your fault according to her. EVERYTHING. She even included God in her smear campaign…as did also mine. It’s like they are so self centered that they believe God revolves the world he made for everybody: AROUND THEM. It’s all about them, and if you don’t believe her…well…you’ll have to take it up with God! Plus you can’t dare argue with her. Why? Because if you argue with her you’re arguing with almighty God, who, she said, “Was on her side”.

    I hate it when they do that!

  13. nubiansage
    December 12, 2009 at 6:04 pm

    LOL! First time I saw that female image of the Grinch I cracked up! And those gifts? Priceless! Which I had the opportunity to give my ex one of those. Keep up the good work, Dr. T! Happy holidays to you.

    • shrink4men
      December 12, 2009 at 7:58 pm

      Thanks nubiansage and happy holidays to you, too!

  14. JD
    December 12, 2009 at 1:22 pm

    Wow. I thought I was reading an email from my X there. After we finally broke up I got emails asking me to meet for closure, a friend told me she had said “he has a good heart, but we are not meant to be together”, I got emails and messages telling me how abusive I was, how I treated her so badly and all she wanted to do was love me but I couldnt accept that that in my life…how insensitive I was to her and how I couldnt see how kind and loving she was and how I abused and wasted that opportunity she gave me….

    Its not you, we can all repeat the same mantras but I know deep down you still question yourself, think maybe she is right, is there something I could have done, was it my fault? No. Believe in yourself and dont allow her to maipulate your reality anymore. One of the most disarming things my X would say when I made a solid, valid point during her rages was, “well, thats your reality”. Simple but effective. I cant argue with it, so I wont, but Ill undermine it and make you question your own values sanity and at the same time totally devalue what you have to say and elevate my own. Because we love these people, we give their words the credence and power to be so effective.

    Good luck, I hope things have moved on for you, and however tempted you are to beleive her lies dont, and keep the Zero Contact – I know its hard (I am there myself) and I know you want to go back but over time you will be better off.

    JD

  15. michael
    December 12, 2009 at 4:44 am

    Oh yes, thank you. this site has helped me so much. I was almost engaged to this women. AHH.
    I didnt show up at starbucks bc i knew she just wanted to see if i cared about her after everything. Of course she blamed me for everything and this is what she wrote me before and after..

    Michael,

    I don’t even know how to begin this message and I can’t believe I’m even daring to write this, but something has compelled me to do it. Everything that has happened has seemed like a nightmare that I can’t seem to wake up from.

    I’ve been blessed with several opportunities that, had we remained together, wouldn’t have happened. But before continuing with the new phase in my life I’d like to have closure with you and end things the way they should’ve ended.

    Obviously I wrote this by impulse and haven’t told anyone. You’re more than welcome to forward this to Mrs. Cervantes, and I’ll have to deal with the consequences. I just feel like this is something I need to do.

    I’ll be at the Starbucks on Blanco and 1604 on Thursday between 6-7 p.m.

    This girl was extremely beautiful. I mean 10/10. but man, i am so glad i am out. seriously. the first 6 months were great, then she changed.

    this is what she said after i didnt show up…

    I prayed to God to do what was best for me, and if the best was not seeing you today, then I’m glad you didn’t show up. I need closure with you, which is why I decided to write this letter. You can delete it for all I care… I just need to get this off my chest.

    I don’t really understand why you’ve done everything you’ve done… all the lies, rumors, insults to me, my family, my friends, and even ex-boyfriends with whom I hadn’t spoke to in years. The only thing I can think of is because you were trying to get my attention, like you did before –you’ve created this imaginary world where I’m some sort of evil, cheating ex-girlfriend.

    Before I move on, there are some things that I need you to know. I have had some serious commitment issues for a very long time. But when it comes to us, I had so many strange gut feelings that I can’t really explain. I began feeling suffocated and questioned how far you would go with this. I’ll never forget the day I got back from KSAT and you hadn’t heard from me… The way you were questioning me, as if I had cheated or lied to you in the past. You made me feel like I was doing something horrible.

    On top of everything, I began having the same fears I always get at the end of my relationships, but because it was you, I didn’t want to end things. I wanted a BREAK. Your friends told you that breaks meant being with other guys, wanting to look for more or whatever. By now you should know me better, Michael. I have never cheated. To me a break was a time to realize each other’s worth, a time to reevaluate things, a time to back up and see the big picture. Everything had moved so fast between us and I was overwhelmed. But instead of being supportive and trying to help me get through my fears, you were too busy questioning, doubting my actions and disrespecting me and my family.

    Then I began asking myself, if you couldn’t even give me space when I asked for a break, imagine what life would’ve been like in the long run? One thing is not giving up on us, and another thing is not respecting what I want. I’m glad I realized now and not when it was too late, but I’m sad because I wanted you to be the man for me. I wish you would’ve respected something so simple.

    I had welcomed you into my house… we had made so many plans together –I wasn’t ready to throw it all away… which is why I kept coming back. You call it messing with your head and playing with you. I was scared to death to let you go. I was scared to death to think I might’ve made the wrong decision… but a small part of me knew that if I didn’t, I was going to regret it.

    Don’t you remember that night we talked to my mom and told her we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together? I meant every word, Michael. Those tears could prove it. I knew it wasn’t your first conversation like that –but either way, it meant the world to me.

    After wanting a break I saw a completely different Michael. I saw a very dark, hurtful, angry person. I never in a million years would’ve imagined the lengths you’d go to hurt me… I have never been so degraded. The fact that you said it all because you were hurt makes me sick to my stomach. I can’t conceive how you come to that conclusion.

    It’s sad to see that you’ve been influenced by friends that think it’s OK to talk to a woman like that. It’s sad to see that your parents have given you the example and have taught you that it’s fine to talk to your husband/wife like that.

    I thank God for saving me before it was too late… before I would’ve married you and you would’ve treated me like trash every time we’d have an argument.

    I’ve been seeing an amazing therapist that has really helped me understand why I am the way I am. Strangely enough, I’m thankful that you put me through so much emotional abuse, had it not been for that, I wouldn’t have met him… it took tears and tears to get to where I am now –and I can tell you with all confidence that I am stronger than I have ever been in my entire life. You know why? Because I have God by my side, and I have never felt better about myself.

    You don’t deserve to hear this explanation but I’m telling you anyway because I want you realize that you can’t degrade a person without really knowing why he or she is like that.

    My biological father abandoned my mom, my sister and me. Because of his drinking problem, he was never interested in coming back into our lives and being a father. For years I waited for him to come back, until one day all my hope was taken away when I was told he had died. My stepdad has been a great father, but because I’ve felt that sense of him trying to replace my dad, I’ve blocked him and have tried to find a male figure in someone else, like a boyfriend. Why do I always break up before seven or eight months? Because on a subconscious level I’m afraid of being abandoned again and try to find the love in a male figure in someone else that will stay with me for seven or eight months. I have serious trust issues and no matter how much a person tells me they love me, like my father did, I’m afraid I’ll get hurt and will do anything, including break a heart, just so I’m not left behind again.

    I’m sorry you were one of them. I’m also sorry you think I cheated on you and sorry my life is so fucked up for you. I’m sorry you think I’m a pathetic, shitty person with whom you wasted your time. I’m sorry you think I’m scum, a fucked up slut whom you hope marries a rich man that would beat me. I’m sorry the only thing you got out of our relationship was some fake tits and ass. I’m sorry you think I’m spoiled, immature, and deceitful. I’m sorry you think I’m the most careless, self-serving, low-class woman you have ever met.

    I’m sorry you chose to ignore the fact that I always supported every single decision you made about anything regarding your career or our future. I always told you I would follow you anywhere you’d go. I gave you money to buy my engagement ring, I spent hours watching you play golf, visiting your parents, asking you to move in with my family, putting up with insults from your friends, defending you from my half sister, cutting my relationship with her for YOU, convincing my dad that you were the one for me, defending you when he’d disagree…. Defending you from ANY person that would disagree. And I never regret it because I loved you, and that’s what people do when they’re in love.. well, maybe I was too naive for doing half the things I did… but the point is I was crazy about you and would do anything for you. I’ve never done so much or sacrificed so much for anyone. All I asked in return was that you give me a little space… I was so scared about everything. I’ll never understand why you had to choose this route.

    I genuinely wish you and your family the best. Take care, Michael.

    • guy
      December 15, 2009 at 1:32 pm

      hey michael……… was your ex-girlfriend name Kim by any chance? her middle name Ann or Annie? sounds like a carbon copy of my EX…….. OMG brother i feel for you i have been there and expierienced the same nonsense.mine was a 10/10 but on the inside she was a negative -3

    • Danielle
      December 15, 2009 at 11:00 pm

      I really would like a dramatic reading of this done in this fashion:

      http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/high-school-life/597876-dramatic-reading-bre akup-letter.html

      She believes herself so much it’s a little frightening. I’m glad you got out of this relationship. A woman this delusional shouldn’t be trusted. I noted that her “faults” (e.g. commitment issues) were extremely minor and “expected” of many people so that they could be brushed off easily, yet you were the devil.

      • shrink4men
        December 16, 2009 at 12:20 am

        Hi Danielle,

        The link you posted doesn’t work. Do you have to be a registered member to access this site?

    • Livin'Better
      June 5, 2010 at 6:19 pm

      Ok bud…. It was definitely MY wife that wrote that piece. NO ONE could write, almost word for word, this junk here without being her.
      That creeps me out at how similar these charming princesses can be.
      Thank you, thank you, thank you for this website!!!!

  16. Jon
    December 12, 2009 at 3:43 am

    Dr. T,

    I noticed once again you pointed out how these women, who are lazy, pretend to be busy.

    Why do they do this? Why do they go to such extremes to make themselves look busy?

  17. Freedom
    December 11, 2009 at 10:08 pm

    I loved the inflatable guy as the stand-in. now, the only headache the guy would have would be while he was inflating his stunt double.

    Happy Holidays/Merry Christmas Dr. T.

    • shrink4men
      December 11, 2009 at 10:22 pm

      Hi Freedom,

      Thanks! I can’t believe they actually manufacture such a thing. Boy oh boy do we live in a culturally acceptable man-bashing world. Can you imagine the outcry if there were a female version of this. This is one double standard whose time should come to an end.

      Happy holidays/Christmas/Chanukkah/Kwanza/Ramadan/New Year/and a Festivus for the Rest of Us!

      Dr T

      • Freedom
        December 12, 2009 at 4:23 pm

        ah yes, Festivus. you’re showing your age. i guess i am too since i know what you’re talking about. Seinfeld was a brilliant show!!!

        all my best…

  18. December 11, 2009 at 5:28 pm

    JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA!! You are great!! Thank you!!

    • shrink4men
      December 11, 2009 at 5:39 pm

      Thanks, Angel. I have a dark sense of humor, which isn’t for everyone. I’m glad you enjoy it.

  19. Laura
    December 11, 2009 at 4:18 pm

    Hi Mike!

    Filter your email so anything from her goes straight to the trash bin or get an entirely new email addy and then celebrate!!! Block her number/Get a new number. Best of luck to you on your move, moving on and moving on up! :)

    Laura

    • shrink4men
      December 11, 2009 at 4:21 pm

      Great advice, Laura! Filters are great, so are SPAM filters.

      Since you’re moving out to Cali, why not get a new phone number altogether?

      Cheers,
      Dr T

  20. michael
    December 10, 2009 at 10:49 pm

    My ex gf dumped me out of the blue 3 months ago… I have a long list of things she said and did to me that this site has made me believe she was a narc. Now since I have done the No contact rule for a month, she emailed me the other day asking to meet up and talk. that she needed closure. I am sorry, but the girl kicks me out, tells all the lies about me, goes to the cops and files a fake police report, i go to jail for 12 hours for email harrasement, and now she wants to talk. WTF….

    what the heck does she want? I am moving to cali soon for my job…. maybe this is why?

    she is a nut job.

    • shrink4men
      December 10, 2009 at 11:44 pm

      Hi Michael,

      Congratulations on maintaining No Contact for a month. That’s huge.

      She doesn’t want closure. She wants to stick it to you again and fish around to see if she can still yank your chain. I hope you don’t respond to her email. First, you don’t want to expose yourself to her toxicity again. Second, she’s highly unlikely to take any responsibility for her actions; rather, she will no doubt blame you for everything. Third, why give her something that she will never, ever give you.

      Ignore any subsequent texts, emails and calls. Go forward with your move and don’t look back.

      Kind Regards,
      Dr Tara

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