The Shrink4Men Forum is Here
. . . and just in time for the New Year!
Many readers have asked that I create a forum for Shrink4Men. After months of trying to figure out how to integrate a forum into my existing WordPress blog, I registered with freeforums.org.
You can access the forum by clicking on the Shrink4Men Forum tab above. I’m still trying to figure out all the functions, so it there’s a feature you want or if things aren’t working as they should, please let me know the issue.
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Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD provides confidential, fee-for-service, counseling, consultation and coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.
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Shrink4Men
- Sex with a Borderline: Confusing Intensity and Pathology for Intimacy and Passion, Part 1 [Video]
- Video: Love Bombing, Brainwashing, Trauma Bonds, Narcissists and Borderlines, Part 1
- How to Love a Woman Who’s Been to Hell and Back [Video]
- Are You Suffering from Emotional Labor? Or Unrealistic Relationship Expectations? [Video]
- Adult Toddlers, Part 1: Traits of Emotionally Immature Narcissists and Borderlines [Video]
- Causes of Unhealthy Relationship Patterns for Codependents with Narcissists and Borderlines, Part 1 [Video]
- Blame and Rage: What Narcissists and Borderlines Call Problem-Solving
- The Final Child Support Payment to a Borderline or Narcissistic Ex: Brace Yourself, Francis! [Video]
- Narcissist Fight Club Rule #5: The More You Explain Yourself the More Vulnerable You Are [Video]
- Healthy Boundaries, Part 2: The Joy of No! [Video]
Shrink4Men 
Thank you for the info here. I have been going out with a girl now for 6 weeks. I now recognize her traits as borderline. This alone has given me massive relief and a boost in my state of depression as i was literally at a loss and confused at how she was acting (as subtle as it is at times). I am going to try to alter my game so i am going to stand up for myself more and won’t accept her comments. e.g i say “gee there’s a lot of women who like the AFL and are right into it. lol” she replies “that’s sexist and i won’t talk about it, you have issues”. i won’t react or defend my comment for what it was.. a find women into footy fun. I have given her tender loving and she has no interest in reciprocating the pleasure at all. In fact she demands and then shuts herself off. Then afterwards she will spend the whole nite putting down whatever veiw or ideal i discuss with her. Most of our phone calls are her just saying no no to everything or just making something out of a comment i make that was intended to be innocent chatter. I must keep reading around this site and realize that given the circumstances (too many too list) i may infact just have to switch off and hope she goes away.
Mike, I’d suggest you head for the door now.
Things will not get better.
Thank you so much for your website! It has really helped me to understand that the hurt isn’t my fault. Thank you.
DR. T-thank you so much for defending we ‘sensitive’ types of the world, who seem to somehow become the victims of those with this disorder. You are absolutely right-healthy people, do not act like the borderlines we have dealt with. How we can become so enmeshed within their chaos, to the point we can no longer gauge properly what is, or is not a normal, loving relationship, seems almost like an insidious and premeditated anathema. It reminds me of the old ‘boil a frog’ analogy. Somehow, when dealing with high funtioning borderlines, we can be cooked very slowly and before we realize, we’ve become another cheap delicacy for the fickle BPD/NPD palette.
I found this article to be incredously informative concerning the reasonings behind BPD/NPD behaviors. Although some of the biological ‘theory’ might be viewed skeptically by some, the author made wonderful points that most anyone immersed in a confusing BPD relationship will find insightful. Making some kind of logical sense of BPD behavior is where this article excels. In as much, it can help in alleviating some of the negative ‘projections’, we ‘Nons’ absorb when the ‘blame game’ starts with the BPD/NPD partner.
I particulary loved the authors determined stance on the romantic partner playing therapist: “When someone has a serious personality disturbance, expecting an unqualified, untrained spouse to try to fix or correct the person’s long standing illness will have disastorous results” In short, we CAN’T fix them, only save ourselves lest we begin to question our own sanity in the process.
Borderline Personality Disorder: Profile and Process of Therapy
http://www.primals.org/articles/hannig03.html#therapy
I need some help and tips on how to expose a borderline/narcissist during a family evaluation. They are such masters at deception I am worried about her completely “snowing” the evaluator. My son is in a custody battle for his kids and this monster needs to be exposed for what she really is. She has continually “messed up” with parenting time so far and he has saved the crazy e-mails and texts from her….any advice out there?
Yes, unfortunately BPD/NPD’s only understand power and abuse and will not change their MO out of ‘the goodness of their hearts’. Yes, I know it cost money most of us don’t have, but ensure that you have an attorney, preferably one that is versed on ‘difficult’ situations and those with BPD/NPD behavior. Call around until you can get one that will give a listening ear. If they have never heard of the disorder, move on until you find one that does understand the particular dilemmas associated with these types of people. Once you have secured the attorney, he or she will utilize court appointed mental health professionals to suponea medical records and if necessary, force evaluate your son’s spouse. (I am assuming this person is your sons spouse) If she has a past, it will come out, believe me.
In the meantime, It is also pertinent for your son to use a small, digital tape recorder ‘incognito’ so when his spouse goes off the deep end, he has evidence of the tirades. Once the judge is made aware of the emotional lability of the BPD/NPD
a whole new scenario will unfold. The key is to take the ‘spin-game’, stay calm in the process (which can be really, really hard with these folks) and turn it back around on the BPD. Sounds awful, I know, but it is the only way to defend ones self and family from the unpredictable and crazy behaviors of someone with these types of personality disorders. After all, they are bona fide and verifiably, mentally ill. BPD/NPD are both in the DSM-IV.
Proving that your son’s spouse has this disorder and is a detriment to the well being of the kids will be the most difficult task since there are only a few tests out there that can truly pinpoint someone as clinically having the disorder and as you are mentioned and are correct in assuming, they are masters of deception and can ‘Jekyl and Hyde’ in the blink of an eye.
Dr. T has mentioned to several other ways of dealing with this disorder in other articles, so read on and best of luck to you in your quest of sanity. I empathize with you greatly, as my family was caught up in the middle of the drama these people create and yes, it can be hell-on-wheels.
Hi thank you so much for this site. I really feel alone sometimes as not many people understand what it’s like to be with a predator for a wife. Luckily, she is now my ex wife and I’ve had primary care and control of our kids. I’d like to see more information on Fathers who want or who’s trying to keep custody of their kids. Unfortunately, I’ve fallen into her trap again by treating her like a normal functioning adult. After I won custody, I was flexible with her time with our children and allowed more than what I was legally required. Not only is she taking me back to court for more custody, she’s now trying to paint me as a bad father atfter what she’s put the kids through! But she’s ALL better now that she’s taken one class. She shows up at my son’s school to volunteer and takes the kids for play dates, etc. This all sounds perfectly great for a normal functioning mother. But I know that it isn’t genuine and was only done because she wanted revenge from me. How do you expose such a cunning actress for who she really is?