Lost and Found: Does Anyone Have an Ex-Borderline Girlfriend or Wife in the West Hempstead-East Northport-NYC Vicinity Whom You Told about Shrink4Men During the Break-Up?
Perhaps this is not the best way to go about doing this, but I’m a big believer in implementing consequences for crazy and malicious BPD behavior, so here we are. Beginning late last week, a woman, whom I assume is the former spouse or girlfriend of a man who frequents this site, began spamming my site with puerile comments in which she engages in name calling and other typical BPD verbal attacks against Shrink4Men readers/commenters and me.
None of these comments have been approved nor will they be approved because they’re nothing more than lame attempts to hurt my readers feelings and my feelings and they would only distract from the meaningful dialogue, sharing and support that takes place here. The irony is that her attacks don’t hurt my feelings. In fact, my thoughts are, “Gee, I can see why her ex broke up with her” and “I wonder how many texts and voicemails the poor bastard who was dating/married to her is getting everyday?” If anything, her spams only reinforce my beliefs about BPD and the information presented on this site.
Now, the reason I am posting this rather than something more productive: Gentlemen, if you believe this is your ex/gf/wife, please contact me and I will send you all of her spam comments with the date, time stamp and multiple IP addresses, so that you can include them as evidence of her unstable/stalker/harassment behavior in any pending divorce/restraining order cases. If need be, I have access to an Internet security expert who can trace pretty much anything directly to the source.
She has been spamming from multiple IP addresses. Over the weekend, most of the spams were posted from West Hempstead, NY and one from East Northport, NY at the end of the weekend. The most recent spam IP address traces back to New York, NY. My guess would be she has a summer place out on Long Island or family that she visited over the weekend and is back in the City now or perhaps she lives on LI and had to come into the city for something. In either case, if you suspect this is your ex and you would like some evidence of her unstable Borderline behavior, please send me an email and I’ll forward everything to you.
In closing, this is why it usually isn’t a good idea to tell your abusive wife/girlfriend ex about my site. You can certainly tell her you believe she’s abusive and possibly has a PD, but please don’t direct them to my website. It will gain you absolutely nothing. Plus, if you are planning to divorce, you do not want to give this kind of a woman a head’s up, which is what directing her to Shrink4Men will do. I understand the need for validation/vindication, but this is not the way to get it. The best way is to end the relationship, let go, get on with your life and have a healthy relationship with a kind, loving and stable woman. That is the best proof that “it was her” all along and not you.
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Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.
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Shrink4Men 
I’ve seen many comments written by people wondering if they will ever find a non-disordered partner to be with. I have to say that I wonder that myself, but what I realize is that I have to be what I want to attract. This requires a lot of work, especially being a male who was raised by BPD women. Bitter divorcees who would never let men into the pack. I never had a positive male role-model growing up, so most of my adulthood has been trying to define myself as a man in our feminized culture. I am usually the “nice guy” who is good enough to be a friend, but not a boyfriend. When I used to pursue women as a younger man, I always attracted the “mean girls.” The playground bullies and shit talkers, who grow up to be bullies in the adult playground, but found that their bullying tactics don’t get them very far, so they assault the people closest to them. Emotionally, or otherwise.
I decided at a young age, after a series of these types of relationships, to pursue relationships with other men. I’m not saying that this is a viable option, especially if you’re a heterosexual, however for me, it seemed to be easier than dealing with the nauseum of more disordered women. I can’t say that I have found a match yet with either a man, or a woman, and I am beginning to question my own ability to ever have a meaningful partnership with someone.
People seem to be very fickle, at least in the southwest part of the country. They judge strictly on looks and how much money you have in your bank account. I was doing quite well financially, and had all the friends in the world. When I lost my job, and life took a bit of a tailspin, it was amazing to see how quickly people’s feet move. I was friends and a roommate to a series of NPD males, and man, let me tell you…when these people feel that their egos have been compromised they will come at you with full force and turn the screws to you…it was a kick me when I’m down situation that thankfully I am no longer in.
One person in particular, a friend for about 15-years, a woman, was the biggest disappointment. She claimed that I was her “soul-brother” and that if I was ever diagnosed with a terminal illness, she would be there to the end. We were best friends for several years since college. I would lavish her with long distance phone calls, gifts in the mail, visits to her town, emotional support and vacations to see me. How that all changed when I lost my job and primary source of income. She went feral. It was about 2-weeks after our vacation that I dropped about 2-grand on for her to see me (ie: airline ticket, road trips, concert tickets, jewelry for her roommate, dining out, drinks, etc.). She was incredulous, condescending, manipulative and just mean most of the time she was here. She blamed everything from her period, to the stars not being in the proper alignment, to having a cold, but all of her anger and projections was turned on me. We had a few good moments, and she apologized for her off the chart behavior. I completely forgave her and apologized for any shortcomings on my part. After the exchange of apologies, I was over it and willing to move on together as friends, but shortly after she left, she sent me an email saying that she can’t be friends with me anymore along with a list of attacks, items you would normally confide in with a trusting friend that was twisted and thrown back in my face, and as strange as it may sound, read like a curse she was placing on me. She also left me a voice-mail saying that she placed, some “bad shit” on my house. BTW, these types are known to dabble in the occult, it feeds their control issues. My BPD sister secretly does this to her own male partner…to a point where one day while out walking around, he rubbed the back of his neck and said, “damn, it feels like someone put a curse on me.” My sister took pride in that. Scary. Scary. Scary. As if life isn’t hard enough, you don’t need someone putting “bad shit” on you.
After my friend’s email, I complied with her request and went no-contact. 5-months later, and against my better judgment, I wrote her, saying that again, I was sorry, and was open to having contact again, but she ignored it. About 2-years after that, she sent me emails, from two different addresses, with an inside joke, but really with no accountability for her abandonment. I extended the same courtesy she gave to me, and ignored the email. I decided it was best to stay no-contact and that the erratic behavior was too much for me, and presented a risk for further emotional damage down the road. She was my best friend, but I know that she has done this to others, and as I have researched, BPD only gets worse with age.
Will I ever have another best friend again? Or a reasonable partner to be in a relationship with? Right now, I am so zapped from a history of dealing with BPD, I don’t even want to try again. In the meantime, I have to make the decision to put the work and care into myself. All the best. Thanks Dr. T. for your contribution to this subject.
Yes, they do villify their victims. But,from what i have read, this is standrd in most cheaters, regardless of BPD or NPD. I do think that if you really looked at the majority of cheaters, and most are remorseless despite the webistes that have the small % of remorseful ones posting, you would see that PDs are vastly overepresented in cheaters.
it takes a special kind of person to have a long term affair. maybe the drunken one night stands are different. But, in a long term affair, the cheater has to lie and deceive over and over again. This takes a certain type of person, most likely disordered.
Yes, they seem to lie and cheat, a lot. In addition to the cheating in our marriage, my wife lied for 10 years, claiming she had graduated from college and had her degree. Turns out she quit during her senior year, sent home fake grade reports to her folks to keep them fooled, and was shacked up with a married guy in her college town. Amazing that she would lie abot this for all the years we were married.
BPDs will take their crap to the grave. They seem to have little (if any) tolerance for introspection…which I think contributes to zero humility and a lot of other issues. But the real frustration comes later, when they do that thing where they conjure up a ‘fantasy’ version of you that is bad enough, foul enough, loser enough, to distract them from their inner self.
So if a BPD has cheated, expect all kinds of accusations of you cheating. And if she lies – you’re a big fat liar. If she’s a loser…you’re a gigantic loser. If she’s been a bitch, you’re the world’s worst bastard. It’s quite the mind-bending experience.