Should You Trust an Apology from a Narcissist or Borderline?

The first thing that comes to mind is Admiral Ackbar, “It’s a trap!”

The second thing that comes to mind is the expression, “A day late and a dollar short.” Or a pound short, a euro short, a franc short, a drachma short, a doubloon short — you get the idea.

But wait! narcissists, borderlines, psychopaths and other abusers don’t apologize, right? Yes and no.

Admitting wrong doing definitely isn’t the norm, but sometimes they mouth the words, “I’m sorry.” However, that doesn’t mean the narcissist is genuinely remorseful. Truly being sorry means the person who has harmed you:

1) Recognizes what they’ve done that is hurtful. For example, lying to you, cheating on you, ridiculing you, etc.

2) Understands why it’s hurtful.

3) Feels bad about hurting you (this isn’t the same as feeling bad about being held accountable and experiencing consequences for being a shit).

4) Makes a conscious good faith effort not to hurt you in that way again.

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Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD provides services to help individuals work through their relationship issues via telephone or Skype, particularly men and women who trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries.