Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD provides services to help individuals work through their relationship issues via telephone or Skype, particularly men and women who trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries.
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Allowing the Narcissist to Determine your Worth: Don’t Do It
Remember the childhood adage that was supposed to make us feel better when we were bullied? Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. Our parents tell us that when we’re kids, but it’s cold comfort at the time. Name-calling hurts when you’re a kid. It can also hurt as an adult.
There’s another childhood adage meant to make us feel better about being bullied, but directed at our tormentor. I’m rubber. You’re glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. I don’t know about you, but it didn’t have much effect on the bullies in my childhood. Nevertheless, I carried it with me like a paper shield.
If we said either of these expressions now to a nasty colleague or an abusive narcissistic, psychopathic or borderline spouse or ex, they’d most likely think we’re our rocker. Even so, there’s wisdom in these simple, sing song childhood talismans. Sticks and Stones encourages emotional detachment from those who would hurt us. Rubber and Glue is a basic primer for returning cruel projections back to their rightful owner.
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we must have the same girl. lol it is sad that we got to go through life hurts, yet as a man I can use these hurts to make me stronger. my problem is i start look at women from how i can be hurt again instead of a blessing in my life. I am working for a balance.
One of my ex’s goals was to get our mutual friends and acquaintances to think of me the same as SHE thought of me: That I was ugly, that no one liked me, that I was only tolerated by people because I was with HER, etc. (All said by her to my face.) During and after the 2012-2013 divorce, the friends proved they didn’t buy it and are still MY friends while she is alone, living with her mother.