Home > Uncategorized > Narcissist Dictionary: Why Are You Being So Mean?!?!?!?

Narcissist Dictionary: Why Are You Being So Mean?!?!?!?

Shrink4Men_Narcissist Dictionary_Why are you being so meanWant to see a narcissist, psychopath or borderline go from aggressor to professional victim in .001 seconds flat? That’s easy. It typically happens whenever the narcissist is held accountable, publicly exposed for their misdeeds or actual crimes or someone pushed back and treated the narcissist the way the narcissist treats others. If you’re on the receiving end of this kind of role reversal otherwise known as DARVO (Deny, Attack and Reverse Victim and Offender) it can be incredibly crazy-making.

When most of us think of bullies, we tend to conjure up images of the playground bully who took our lunch money or the mean girl in high school who excelled in relational aggression — by socially excluding peers, gossiping and encouraging their followers and wannabe’s to follow suit. Bullies, whether they’re children or adults, are frequently the traditional in your face jerks. Their predations are overt and, therefore, easier to identify.

But there’s another kind of bully that’s more covert and difficult to identify — the cry baby bully. The bully who goes from smug, unrepentant asshole to a blubbering, sympathy-seeking gaslighter-projector as soon as they get a taste of their own medicine or are called out for their nonsense. Narcissists and their ilk also play cry baby victim when old or new potential targets enforce boundaries and don’t allow themselves to be manipulated or exploited by the narcissist. Why do narcissists, psychopaths and borderlines do this?

Because it’s effective.


Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries or send an email to shrink4men@gmail.com.

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. Sandra
    November 13, 2018 at 10:30 pm

    This is right on. I’ve watched two son’s or shall I say I waited for both son’s to finally reach their limits in these relationships with BPD girlfriend and wife. One had children and the other did not. Once they were ready to read the information on this site, they related (as I am familiar with their stories of abuse by these women) to pretty everything you describe. Both have mentioned that now that have their voice back and hold these women accountable that is exactly what comes from them now. Both of my sons have acknowledged that they don’t know abuse as there was no abuse in our home as they grew up. They are gentlemen. I credit this for them finding the power to finally get away from all the craziness they had subjected themselves to in the past. I’ve encouraged them to seek counseling as I believe you can come out of these types of relationships still kind of confused in your head, what’s the best way to help them understand that counseling will help them not carry into their next relationship?

    • thegirlinside2018
      November 16, 2018 at 4:31 pm

      Sandra: Very good for you and them! We should remember that Cluster B’s are attractive to more than just ‘codependents’ like me who grew up in abuse being taught that was ‘normal’.

      They also make as their marks good people from loving homes who are kind, forgiving and look for the best in people, who wouldn’t know abuse if it literally smacked them across the face, and can’t believe that’s what it is…especially when the abuser has a sob-story that pulls at their heartstrings (“the poor dear…I’ll show him / her what love really is”) – and who knows how much of that sob story is true, or how the abuser has evolved it over the years to its most effective slant?

  2. PC
    November 2, 2018 at 6:12 pm

    Precise analysis by Dr. T! Often wonder how to put across and to convince court about these erratic behaviors and the hardship faced in our life due to these.

    • shrink4men
      November 13, 2018 at 9:26 pm

      Ask an attorney who is familiar with your court the best way to document the ex’s behavior to use for court. Depending on your family court, this could help tremendously, or not move the needle at all. Each court is different.

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