Home > Uncategorized > The First Holiday Season Without the Narcissist or Borderline

The First Holiday Season Without the Narcissist or Borderline


fiat tree 3Spending the holidays with a narcissist is often anything but merry. If you’ve been in a relationship with a personality disordered woman or man or come from a family that’s chock full ‘o’ nuts characterological psychopathology, you probably have some nightmare before, during and after Christmas stories. Holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year’s, Valentine’s Day, birthdays . . .  National Arbor Day often trigger narcissistic or borderline rages, tantrums, pout-outs and perfectionist rampages of epic proportions. There are different reasons for this.

As awful as Christmas can be with the Grinch-slash- perpetual adult toddler, the first holiday season after ending an abusive relationship can also be an emotional roller coaster ride. This is especially the case if you allowed yourself to become isolated during the relationship. The same is true for those of you who’ve decided to distance yourself from toxic parents or siblings. The first holiday can be sad, joyous, lonely (although there are few things lonelier than being in a relationship with a narcissist), confusing and/or provide a sense of sweet, sweet relief.

Read full article HERE.

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Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries or send an email to shrink4men@gmail.com.

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. Mick
    November 22, 2018 at 1:15 am

    some of my worst childhood memories are around holidays, but specifically around Christmas. My mother was the queen of drama, paranoid and extremely jealous when it came to my step father, who couldn’t have been more stoic and unemotional. My mother would spend 3 days leading up to the Christmas dinner preparing and driving everyone crazy. Of course she couldnt cook without drinking Sherry. One year she was cutting up chickens and cut her finger off with a cleaver. She put the severed digit in a plastic plastic with ice, yelled to my step father to start the car and they left for the hospital. When they returned 6 hours later her finger was re-attached and she acted like nothing had happened even though we were all traumatized.

    Another year, same story about the preparation and the drinking etc. but step dad had come home a bit late on the train, which of course threw mothers schedule out of wack, which ruined everything, So the dinner started flying, food was everywhere and everything had deteriorated into chaos. Then the jealousy, the drama the insults and innuendo and accusations over aledged cheating. But honest what kind of single man marries a woman with 3 children, buys her the home of her dreams and yanks the kids out of a catholic orphanage only to turn around and ruin everything by cheating on her. It was all in her mind and magnified 10 fold with drink. I grew up hating my house, my parents, the drama but somehow it all became part of my identity. I became the scapegoat, the whistle blower, the law breaker who couldnt keep family matters private.

    The neighbors would here her ranting and raving and would see me coming home from school and try to intervene with distraction like cookies and milk or various other treats. The police would show up, things would be broken and she’d be on the floor half naked. I left that house as soon as I was able, step father eventually succumbed to the effects of the abuse and had a heart attack after 10 years of marriage. I ran to drugs and alcohol, crime and sex and anything else i could medicate myself with ended up in jail. Eventually got into rehab and got clean and sober. But that was the easy part as hard as it was. Getting sober was like pulling the cork out of a bottle and turning a angry bitter and resentful genie loose. I spent years in therapy both inpatient and out patient trying to deal with myself and my behavior and believe me remaining sober was not easy when confronted with those demons. Ive struggled to remain alive, failed at maintaining intimate relationships, lost homes and children as well as jobs. Ive even had a near life ending heart attack at 48 that changed my life and health. I live alone, I attend AA, and try to be of help to other men who struggle with these issues, issues like depression and anxiety. I try to communicate as best I can that suicide is not a viable solution to dealing with pain and loss. But that crazy cycle, that bizarre and crazy behaviour, bringing home wounded animals in the form of women i needed to rescue or fix had to stop,

    I had to get on with me and lok hard and make some tough choices. The cycle had to end somewhere. I hope it ends with me.

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