More Thoughts on FOG, Hoovers and No Contact When Ending a Relationship with a Narcissist, Borderline, Histrionic and/or Sociopath
There’s a new article on www.shrink4men.com that discusses the effects of FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) and Hoovers in the context of abusive relationships with Borderlines, Histrionics, Narcissists and Sociopaths and asserts that the best way to combat their manipulations is to maintain a strict No Contact policy with one’s abusive ex. No Contact (or minimal contact) is also the best way to begin the healing process.
Here’s the link:
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Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.
There’s a new article on www.Shrink4Men.com that offers an introduction to CrazyBusting and the CrazyBusters. It discusses what one woman wished she had known before marrying a man with a crazy ex-wife and what she wishes she had done differently. The article offers advice on what to do after divorcing a crazy and abusive woman and how to move forward without falling into her traps, tricks and manipulations.
Here’s the link:
Shrink4Men Coaching and Consulting Services:
Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.
Many people can’t fathom what’s taking place in Iran. However, men who are married to women with Narcissistic Personality Disorder or traits experience the same control techniques as the Iranian citizens on a daily basis. Instead of being machined gunned to death in the streets of Tehran, they suffer death by a thousand cuts in their 3BR, 2BA homes behind closed doors.
Are you dating or married to the female equivalent of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? Are you subjected to regular “mah-mood” swings in which you must go along with her whims and demands? Here are 10 warning signs that you’re with a controlling, abusive, narcissistic, delusional lunatic, much like the Supreme Leader.
1. Puts the “dic[k]” in dictator. Is it her way or the highway? Do you have to capitulate or else?
2. If you oppose me or challenge me in anyway, I can’t guarantee your safety. Do you have a secret hiding place you hole up in like Mousavi when things get really bad? The den? The basement? A panic room? Curling up in the fetal position under your desk?
3. The revolution will NOT be televised. Does she pre-empt or try to squash any attempt at self-care or independence you make? Does she undermine you at every turn? Deny reality, the facts and events? Does she threaten you, implicitly or explicitly, not to tell anyone what goes on between the two of you?
4. No contact with the outside world. No friends allowed. No family allowed. No third parties with dissenting opinions are tolerated. She effectively cuts you off from friends and family who would come to your aid.
5. La, la, la, la. I can’t hear you. Do your protests for humane treatment, basic kindness and fairness fall on deaf ears? Does she conveniently forget or deny the times you’ve actually expressed your hurt feelings and twist it around on you?
6. Mind over matter. Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, she rigidly and dogmatically insists on her distorted view, denying reality. It doesn’t matter if you have physical evidence to say otherwise—video and audio tapes, eye witnesses—she still asserts her version of reality is the accurate one.
7. Gets others to do her dirty work for her. Ahmadinejad isn’t out there clubbing people in the streets; he has his ninjas out there doing it for him because, like most narcissistic bullies, Mahmoud is a coward. Likewise, if you stand up for yourself or finally try to assert your independence by breaking up with or divorcing her, she will enlist others to rally around her and destroy you. For example, attorneys, court evaluators, the police (i.e., make false abuse allegations) friends and family. She’ll try to “defeat” you through deprivation of money and other resources and begins a smear campaign to undermine your credibility.
8. Brainwashes the young to create loyal followers. She systematically turns your children against you, portraying herself as the benevolent and wronged parental figure who’s the one that “really” loves them and is the only one who will take care of them. Although, when they become teenagers and young adults and follow the natural impulse to rebel, her response will be as swift and merciless as it was to you.
9. Speaking in fundamentalist tongue that no one understands but her. No matter how hard you try to make sense of her behaviors, the things she says and her accusations and rationalizations; you can’t. It’s all emotional gibberish based on her warped fear of losing control and exposure of her crazy behaviors. If you scratch just below the surface of her “facts,” they fall apart.
10. The Supreme Leader is infallible. Enough said. She’s right. She’s always right. End of story.
by Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD
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Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in drag on FreeFrankWarner.
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