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Posts Tagged ‘Dr Tara Palmatier’

Having Healthy Boundaries Ends the Relationship with a Narcissist or Borderline


CrazyBusters_Narcissist CodependentWhy do victims of narcissists, borderlines, histrionics and psychopaths stay in abusive, toxic relationships well past the point of expiration? Even when they’re checked out, shell-shocked and empty? My clients often say they feel trapped in the relationship. Sometimes it has to do with children, and children do create logistical, albeit not insurmountable issues. So what’s the real trap?

You’d like to have boundaries and a healthier relationship, but here’s the rub. You can’t have a healthy relationship with someone who is personality disordered. That’s like trying to get sober while chugging Jack Daniels. If you decide to work on your codependency and become healthier, the narcissist or borderline’s dysfunction will seem more extreme.

This is due to the contrast between health and pathology. It’s also due to actual decompensation and escalation triggered by the borderline or narcissist’s perceived loss of control. The healthier you become, the less tolerable the narcissist and the relationship will become. In other words, you getting healthy most likely means the end of the relationship, which causes FOG — feelings of fear, obligation and guilt.

Fear. You’re afraid to be alone. You’re afraid you’ll never meet someone else, or that you’ll meet someone far worse. You’re afraid you won’t feel that same ZING! with emotionally stable women and men. If healthy, stable adults seem boring to you, that means you need to do some work on yourself. This is entirely within your power to do.

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Say Goodbye to CrazyWant to Say Goodbye to Crazy? Buy it HERE.

Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD provides services to help individuals work through their relationship issues via telephone or Skype, particularly men and women who trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries.

 

 

 

 

Should You Trust an Apology from a Narcissist or Borderline?


Narcissist or borderline apologizes should you break no contactThe first thing that comes to mind is Admiral Ackbar, “It’s a trap!”

The second thing that comes to mind is the expression, “A day late and a dollar short.” Or a pound short, a euro short, a franc short, a drachma short, a doubloon short — you get the idea.

But wait! narcissists, borderlines, psychopaths and other abusers don’t apologize, right? Yes and no.

Admitting wrong doing definitely isn’t the norm, but sometimes they mouth the words, “I’m sorry.” However, that doesn’t mean the narcissist is genuinely remorseful. Truly being sorry means the person who has harmed you:

1) Recognizes what they’ve done that is hurtful. For example, lying to you, cheating on you, ridiculing you, etc.

2) Understands why it’s hurtful.

3) Feels bad about hurting you (this isn’t the same as feeling bad about being held accountable and experiencing consequences for being a shit).

4) Makes a conscious good faith effort not to hurt you in that way again.

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Donate to Shrink4Men HERE.

Say Goodbye to CrazyWant to Say Goodbye to Crazy? Buy it HERE.

Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD provides services to help individuals work through their relationship issues via telephone or Skype, particularly men and women who trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries.

 

Narcissist Math: 2 + 2 = Screw You!


CrazyBusters_Narcissist Math_v02People who chronically abuse others usually have some kind of personality disorder — e.g., narcissists, borderlines, psychopaths and histrionics. Typically, these individuals live on one-way streets paved with double standards, with one set of rules and expectations for themselves and another for you. In other words, they’re great big hypocrites. Narcissists and their ilk also have peculiar definitions of concepts such as fair, equal and compromise.

Fair means, “I get everything I want when I want.” Equal means, “I get everything I want when I want.” And compromise means, “I get everything I want when I want.” Notice the theme? Narcissists are simply too self-absorbed to give a flying fudge about anyone else’s wants, needs and feelings, but their own. These ultimate navel gazers will accuse you of being selfish and mean if you’re not as focused on their belly buttons as they are.

But what about mutuality, reciprocity and good old-fashioned give and take? Sssssspppppppllllllllffffffftttttttt!!!!!!!!

READ MORE

Donate to Shrink4Men HERE.

Say Goodbye to CrazyWant to Say Goodbye to Crazy? Buy it HERE.

Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD provides services to help individuals work through their relationship issues via telephone or Skype, particularly men and women who trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries.

 

Going Mental with Dr Tara Palmatier and Paul Elam: Abusive Women, Smart Men, Bad Choices


Going Mental 01Whatever your feelings about relationships, there is no doubt that men’s lives with women can be both crazy and comical — sometimes both at the same time, sometimes not.

For a thousand arguable reasons, it is our relationship lives where logic often goes out the window and all things limbic have a way of taking over. That is true for both sexes, and it can have not only a profound impact on mental health, but on the lives of the people involved.

The world spends a nauseating amount of time obsessing on women’s experience in this area. But, at the risk of sounding cliché, what about the men?

While more people are becoming aware of men’s issues, they still suffer neglect.

Responding to that deficit is the aim of a new live Google Hangout with Dr. Tara Palmatier and Paul Elam, “Going Mental,” a program about how men experience modern relationships, good, bad or indifferent. The show debuts today, Wednesday, March 19 at 1 PM Pacific, 3 Central and 4 Eastern Time on Shrink4Men and on AVoiceforMen.

The first program will include a brief discussion about the show, followed by a discussion between Paul and Dr. T on the reasons so many men make themselves unnecessarily vulnerable, emotionally and legally, to women; the failure of many men to establish and hold fast to limits with what they will tolerate, and why all of this happens.

We are also going to focus on what can be done about it.

Please feel free to join us as we explore the side of men that most people know about but few discuss. You can watch the show live in the viewer below or at a later time that is more convenient for you.

For those who like to download podcasts to listen to on your commutes or at the gym, you will be able to do so on the Live365 AVoiceforMen Channel.

To watch the podcast, please follow this link and scroll down to the viewer:

Going Mental Podcast 01

Shrink4Men Counseling, Coaching and Consulting Services

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD provides confidential, fee-for-service, counseling, consultation and coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

Radio Show Tonight at 9pm EST: The Golden Uterus Effect and Mary Richardson Kennedy


Tonight, Monday, June 18, 2012 at 9pm EST, Paul Elam of AVoiceForMen and I will discuss Golden Uteruses, the Cult of Mommy-hood, the Women Are Always the Victim Contrary to All Evidence and the public reaction to Mary Richardson Kennedy’s suicide and divorce from Robert Kennedy, Jr.

We’ll be taking callers, so phone in (+1 310 388 9709) or Skype in.

Here is the show page link:

SHOW PAGE

Shrink4Men Coaching and Consultation Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.