Having Healthy Boundaries Ends the Relationship with a Narcissist or Borderline

Why do victims of narcissists, borderlines, histrionics and psychopaths stay in abusive, toxic relationships well past the point of expiration? Even when they’re checked out, shell-shocked and empty? My clients often say they feel trapped in the relationship. Sometimes it has to do with children, and children do create logistical, albeit not insurmountable issues. So what’s the real trap?

You’d like to have boundaries and a healthier relationship, but here’s the rub. You can’t have a healthy relationship with someone who is personality disordered. That’s like trying to get sober while chugging Jack Daniels. If you decide to work on your codependency and become healthier, the narcissist or borderline’s dysfunction will seem more extreme.

This is due to the contrast between health and pathology. It’s also due to actual decompensation and escalation triggered by the borderline or narcissist’s perceived loss of control. The healthier you become, the less tolerable the narcissist and the relationship will become. In other words, you getting healthy most likely means the end of the relationship, which causes FOG — feelings of fear, obligation and guilt.

Fear. You’re afraid to be alone. You’re afraid you’ll never meet someone else, or that you’ll meet someone far worse. You’re afraid you won’t feel that same ZING! with emotionally stable women and men. If healthy, stable adults seem boring to you, that means you need to do some work on yourself. This is entirely within your power to do.

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Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD provides services to help individuals work through their relationship issues via telephone or Skype, particularly men and women who trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries.

 

 

 

 

More Thoughts on FOG, Hoovers and No Contact When Ending a Relationship with a Narcissist, Borderline, Histrionic and/or Sociopath

There’s a new article on www.shrink4men.com that discusses the effects of FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) and Hoovers in the context of abusive relationships with Borderlines, Histrionics, Narcissists and Sociopaths and asserts that the best way to combat their manipulations is to maintain a strict No Contact policy with one’s abusive ex. No Contact (or minimal contact) is also the best way to begin the healing process.

Here’s the link:

More Thoughts on FOG, Hoovers and No Contact When Ending a Relationship with a Narcissist, Borderline, Histrionic and/or Sociopath

Shrink4Men Coaching and Consultation Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

Male Anger and Other Emotions, Part Two

There’s a new article on www.Shrink4Men.com that discusses male anger and how men have been taught to ignore and bury their anger. It addresses the negative effects of repressing anger and other emotions and explains why anger can be a very healthy and positive emotion.

Here’ the link:

Male Anger and Other Emotions, Part Two

Shrink4Men Coaching and Consultation Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

Male Anger and Other Emotions, Part One

There’s a new article on www.Shrink4Men.com discusses and dispels the myth that men don’t have emotions. It explores the social and familial constructs that teach boys to ignore and mistrust their feelings. It also challenges the myth that women are better at expressing and managing their emotions.

Here’s the link:

Male Anger and Other Emotions, Part One

Shrink4Men Coaching and Consultation Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

What I Wish I Knew Before Marrying a Man with a Crazy Ex-Wife

There’s a new article on www.Shrink4Men.com that offers an introduction to CrazyBusting and the CrazyBusters. It discusses what one woman wished she had known before marrying a man with a crazy ex-wife and what she wishes she had done differently. The article offers advice on what to do after divorcing a crazy and abusive woman and how to move forward without falling into her traps, tricks and manipulations.

Here’s the link:

Introduction to CrazyBusting and the CrazyBusters: What I Wish I Knew Before Marrying a Man with a Crazy Ex-Wife

Shrink4Men Coaching and Consulting Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.