Having Healthy Boundaries Ends the Relationship with a Narcissist or Borderline

Why do victims of narcissists, borderlines, histrionics and psychopaths stay in abusive, toxic relationships well past the point of expiration? Even when they’re checked out, shell-shocked and empty? My clients often say they feel trapped in the relationship. Sometimes it has to do with children, and children do create logistical, albeit not insurmountable issues. So what’s the real trap?

You’d like to have boundaries and a healthier relationship, but here’s the rub. You can’t have a healthy relationship with someone who is personality disordered. That’s like trying to get sober while chugging Jack Daniels. If you decide to work on your codependency and become healthier, the narcissist or borderline’s dysfunction will seem more extreme.

This is due to the contrast between health and pathology. It’s also due to actual decompensation and escalation triggered by the borderline or narcissist’s perceived loss of control. The healthier you become, the less tolerable the narcissist and the relationship will become. In other words, you getting healthy most likely means the end of the relationship, which causes FOG — feelings of fear, obligation and guilt.

Fear. You’re afraid to be alone. You’re afraid you’ll never meet someone else, or that you’ll meet someone far worse. You’re afraid you won’t feel that same ZING! with emotionally stable women and men. If healthy, stable adults seem boring to you, that means you need to do some work on yourself. This is entirely within your power to do.

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Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD provides services to help individuals work through their relationship issues via telephone or Skype, particularly men and women who trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries.

 

 

 

 

Dating After Divorcing a High-Conflict Woman: Are You Ready?

There’s a new article on www.Shrink4Men.com that discusses the importance of creating and enforcing boundaries with your high-conflict ex-wife, girlfriend or partner before you begin dating a new love interest.

Here’s the link:

Dating After Divorcing a High-Conflict Woman: Are You Ready to Date Again?

Shrink4Men Coaching and Consulting Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

Fortify Your Fortress by Developing Healthy Boundaries and Crazy-dar

There’s a new article on www.Shrink4Men.com by resident CrazyBuster, Micksbabe, that discusses the importance of developing healthy boundaries after being in an abusive relationship with a high-conflict person or abusive personality disordered individual. It also discusses the importance of learning to trust your instincts and developing radar or Crazy-dar so as not to become involved with another abusive, predatory individual.

Here’s the link:

Fortifying Your Fortress: Healthy Boundaries Are Your Best Defense Against Abusive High-Conflict Personalities

Shrink4Men Coaching and Consulting Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.