Should You Trust an Apology from a Narcissist or Borderline?

The first thing that comes to mind is Admiral Ackbar, “It’s a trap!”

The second thing that comes to mind is the expression, “A day late and a dollar short.” Or a pound short, a euro short, a franc short, a drachma short, a doubloon short — you get the idea.

But wait! narcissists, borderlines, psychopaths and other abusers don’t apologize, right? Yes and no.

Admitting wrong doing definitely isn’t the norm, but sometimes they mouth the words, “I’m sorry.” However, that doesn’t mean the narcissist is genuinely remorseful. Truly being sorry means the person who has harmed you:

1) Recognizes what they’ve done that is hurtful. For example, lying to you, cheating on you, ridiculing you, etc.

2) Understands why it’s hurtful.

3) Feels bad about hurting you (this isn’t the same as feeling bad about being held accountable and experiencing consequences for being a shit).

4) Makes a conscious good faith effort not to hurt you in that way again.

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Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD provides services to help individuals work through their relationship issues via telephone or Skype, particularly men and women who trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries.

 

Cutting Ties with an Abusive Parent, Sibling or Child

There is a new article on www.shrink4men.com that discusses the painful choice of ending relationships with toxic and abusive parents, siblings, children and other family members. It is rarely an easy choice, but in many cases it is a healthy and necessary choice.

Here’s the link:

Ending a Relationship with an Abusive Parent, Child or Sibling, Part One

Shrink4Men Coaching and Consulting Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

More Thoughts on FOG, Hoovers and No Contact When Ending a Relationship with a Narcissist, Borderline, Histrionic and/or Sociopath

There’s a new article on www.shrink4men.com that discusses the effects of FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) and Hoovers in the context of abusive relationships with Borderlines, Histrionics, Narcissists and Sociopaths and asserts that the best way to combat their manipulations is to maintain a strict No Contact policy with one’s abusive ex. No Contact (or minimal contact) is also the best way to begin the healing process.

Here’s the link:

More Thoughts on FOG, Hoovers and No Contact When Ending a Relationship with a Narcissist, Borderline, Histrionic and/or Sociopath

Shrink4Men Coaching and Consultation Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

Shrink4Men Comment of the Week: Co-Parenting with a High-Conflict Ex and No Contact

There’s a new post on www.Shrink4Men.com that features a comment by Shrink4Men community member, JP. He offers advice on how to minimize contact with an abusive, high-conflict ex-wife when you have to co-parent with her.

Here’s the link:

Shrink4Men Comment of the Week: How to Minimize Contact with your Abusive Ex-Wife When You Are Co-Parents

Shrink4Men Coaching and Consulting Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

Extreme No Contact: Delete Your Ex from the Internet!

One of my clients sent me the following link for a web plugin for Firefox and Chrome browsers (sorry Explorer, Safari and Netscape users!) that allows you to “delete” your ex from your life—at least your online life. Here’s the link:

http://gizmodo.com/5585741/delete-your-ex-from-the-internet

It’s called the “Ex-Blocker,” and it’s rather like the web/non-brain damage version of the memory eraser depicted in one of my favorite films, The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

According to the article on Gizmodo.com, the Ex-Blocker plugin “filters your ex out of the internet for you. Simply feed it their first and last names, their Twitter username, their Facebook profile info and their blog URL, and it takes care of the rest. Sure, photos can slip through the cracks, I’m sure. And you’ll have to set up an email filter yourself if you want to cut off contact completely.”

If you’ve made the decision to go No Contact, but are still getting Facebook, MySpace and Tweet updates from the ex-Twit about how “amazing” her new boyfriend is, how she’s “never been happier” and that she regrets dating all of her “ex-jerk loser boyfriends,” this plugin might just bring you that last bit of peace of mind you seek.

To download the plugin, visit:

http://blockyourex.com/

While this plugin will keep your ex from popping up on the Internet, it’s up to you to install rock solid boundaries to prevent her from popping up in your offline life. If only there was a plugin download for that!

Shrink4Men Coaching and Consultation Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

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