Can Narcissists Change?

A frequent question in my counseling practice and from website subscribers is “Do narcissists and borderlines get better with age?” Another common question is, “What happens when they get old and are no longer attractive?” These are understandable questions.

People don’t grow out of personality disorders. If that was going to happen, it would’ve happened at the developmentally appropriate time — during childhood and adolescence. As for getting better with age, that depends upon how one defines better.

First, narcissists, borderlines, histrionics and psychopaths don’t get better without psychological treatment. Second, therapy doesn’t cure a personality disorder. The best you can hope for is that the disordered individual will take some accountability for their destructive and pathological behavior and manage the worst of it. Even then, therapy doesn’t guarantee that.

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Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD provides services to help individuals work through their relationship issues via telephone or Skype, particularly men and women who trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries.

Want to Say Goodbye to Crazy? Buy it HERE.

Narcissists, Borderlines, Codependents and Mutual Childhood Issues

Many men and women who have been in a relationship with a narcissist, borderline or psychopath describe taking a parental role in response to their disordered partner’s perpetually childish attitudes and behaviors. While this is superficially true, there’s much more to it.

Narcissists, borderlines, histrionics and psychopaths are immature. When you’re in a relationship with one of these personalities, you’re dealing with someone who is somewhere between a troubled toddler or a troubled teenager in terms of emotional and psychological maturity. Many of my clients who share actual children (under the age of 18) with narcissistic, borderline or sociopathic wives and husbands have watched as their children mature and and surpass their adult partners in terms of emotional and moral development.

If you entered into your relationship wanting an equal partner (a functional adult rather than someone who knows how to pretend to be a grown-up when practicing image management), you’ll eventually resent the parental role in which your disordered spouse thrusts you. In many cases, the targets of narcissists et al volunteer for this thankless position hoping things will magically change someday. This is especially true of people who have codependency issues. READ MORE.

Want to Say Goodbye to Crazy? Buy it HERE.

Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD provides services to help individuals work through their relationship issues via telephone or Skype, particularly men and women who trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries.

Winning vs. Taking: What Does Winning Mean to Abusive, High-Conflict and/or Personality Disordered Women?

There’s a new article on www.Shrink4Men.com that explores what “winning” means to abusive, high-conflict and/or personality disordered people. To an abusive BPD/NPD, “winning” is about taking from others, hurting and controlling them. Winning is not about working hard to achieve a goal. This explains why these individuals are rarely happy, even when they succeed in taking material assets, relationships and other tangible and intangible things from their victims.

Here’s the link:

Winning vs. Taking: What Does Winning vs. Taking: What Does Winning Mean to Abusive, High-Conflict and/or Personality Disordered Women?

Shrink4Men Coaching and Consultation Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

Listen to the Shrink4Men Radio Embed: Relationship Stages, Abusive Women and the WTF Moment

Listen to the embed of the Shrink4Men November 14, 2011 broadcast, Relationship Stages, Abusive Women and the WTF moment.

Here’s the link:

Shrink4Men Radio Embed: Relationship Stages, Abusive Women and the WTF Moment

Shrink4Men Coaching and Consultation Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

How to Get Out and Stay Out of Relationships with Crazy, Abusive Women

There’s a new article on www.Shrink4Men.com by written by CrazyBuster, LiliM. She offers advice on how to safely end relationships with abusive, crazy, high-conflict partners and how to break the cycle of being attracted to abusive, high-conflict women.

Here’s the link:

How to Get Out and Stay Out Once You Realize You Are in a Relationship with Crazy

Shrink4Men Coaching and Consulting Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.