Do Narcissists Feel Remorse? Bernie Madoff says, “F— My Victims”
New York Magazine is running an article on Bernie Madoff’s life in prison. The piece reports that Madoff unrepentantly declared to fellow inmates, “F— my victims. I carried them for twenty years, and now I’m doing 150 years.” In an excerpt from the NYM piece, one inmate recalls a conversation in which he and Madoff discussed how he took advantage of old ladies:
Pollard thought that taking advantage of old ladies was “kind of fucked up.”
“Well, that’s what I did,” Madoff said matter-of-factly.
“You are going to pay with God,” Pollard warned.
Madoff was unmoved. He was past apologizing. In prison, he crafted his own version of events. From MCC, Madoff explained the trap he was in. “People just kept throwing money at me,” Madoff related to a prison consultant who advised him on how to endure prison life. “Some guy wanted to invest, and if I said no, the guy said, ‘What, I’m not good enough?’ ” One day, Shannon Hay, a drug dealer who lived in the same unit in Butner as Madoff, asked about his crimes. “He told me his side. He took money off of people who were rich and greedy and wanted more,” says Hay, who was released in December. People, in other words, who deserved it.”
My jaw dropped when I read these statements because they so perfectly illustrate what I have long believed: Narcissists/sociopaths do not feel remorse for their hurtful and/or criminal actions and believe that their targets deserve to be screwed. According to Madoff, his clients deserved to be fleeced by him and should be grateful that he “carried them” for 20 years (carried them into bankruptcy and out of retirement, that is). Madoff’s statements also illustrate how narcissists and other scam artist/predators rewrite history in order to be able to live with themselves.
Are You Married to Madoff?
If you are married to a woman with similar traits, she may never explicitly articulate, “Fuck my victim(s)” (a.k.a, you and your children), but this is the fundamental attitude from which she operates. Not only does she not feel bad for her bad behaviors, but she also believes you should be grateful that she makes the time to abuse you.
Narcissists, borderlines and other predatory sociopaths—even if the ones who portray themselves as victimized, fragile “waifs”—view people, including you, as need gratification objects. You aren’t seen as an individual human being with needs, feelings and rights. You are an object to be used at her discretion just like a pair of shoes or a car or a nail file or a punching bag. Inanimate objects don’t complain, which is why your complaints, requests for kindness and affection or your basic expressions of emotions are met with alternating bewilderment and impatience. A shoe doesn’t complain when she wears it too roughly, so it’s unthinkable that you would complain if she treats you too roughly. In fact, who do you think you are to complain about anything she does? You live to serve. Period.
You can’t fix a relationship with someone who doesn’t view you as a human being. You also can’t use reason or the facts to resolve these issues. Just like Madoff, these women are better historical revisionists than the Texas Department of Education. If you can’t even agree on the same reality there’s no fixing the relationship or her. Just like Madoff’s clients, you will rarely see a return on your emotional and financial investments with this kind of woman. They will eventually leave you broke, brokenhearted and just plain broken.
Postscript: I had to Google “prison consultants.” Please follow the link above if you haven’t already. Who knew? A booming business serving white collar criminals. You really can learn something new everyday. Here’s another link from wikiHow on How to Survive in Federal Prison. I’m thinking of doing an adaptation for Shrink4Men.
Shrink4Men Coaching and Consultation Services:
Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.
If you find the information I provide free of charge helpful and valuable here on Shrink4Men, please consider making a donation via PayPal to help me maintain the site.
- “Say Goodbye to Crazy” to Be Released for Pre-order on Valentines Day
- Going Mental with Dr Tara Palmatier and Paul Elam: Abusive Women, Smart Men, Bad Choices
- In His Own Words: Mother or Monster?
- In His Own Words: Heeding Childhood Lessons
- In His Own Words: The Making of a Knight in Shining Armor
- In His Own Words: A Real Time Cry for Help
- In His Own Words: Summer from Hell
- In His Own Words: Sex, Lies and Videotape
- In His Own Words: Dodging a Bullet
- In His Own Words: The Monster Behind the Beautiful Mask
- In His Own Words: Princess Turns into a Poisonous Toad
- In His Own Words: A BPD Mom and a Recently Divorced Custody Evaluator Walk into a Courtroom . . .
- In His Own Words: Dangerous Crazy Bitch Ahead
- In His Own Words: Another VAWA Success Story
- In His Own Words: One Brownie, Hold the Nuts
- In His Own Words: Violent Alcoholic Wife Attacks (VAWA)
- In His Own Words: Living a Nightmare
- Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Men Are the Invisible Victims
- MWT Radio Tonight: Lake Tantrum Special with James Mongiat
- In Defense of James Mongiat (Soon-to-Be_Ex-Husband of the Lake Tantrum Lady
|larryboy9 on The No Contact Rule: Committin…|
|Francis on 10 Things You Need to Do After…|
|Bert on 7 Things You Need to Know abou…|
|onemeremember on 10 Signs Your Girlfriend or Wi…|
|onemeremember on 10 Signs Your Girlfriend or Wi…|
|Mike on Is Your Girlfriend or Wife a P…|
|Alec on Is Your Girlfriend or Wife a P…|
|Anon on How Emotionally Abusive Women…|
|Josee on 25 Signs your Narcissistic or…|
|Billy (yea, that's a… on When Love Hurts: The Emotional…|
A Shrink for Men Blogs
- Warning: Love bombing is hazardous to your health. http://t.co/3rt1A6aZRk 2 days ago
- Because love does not conquer all. http://t.co/hOI5ikjkfb 3 days ago
- Because kindness and emotional stability trump big boobs and a cruel heart. http://t.co/5jEpZai7JF 3 days ago
- It is not your responsibility to subsidize her financial irresponsibility. http://t.co/yrWKjBwQVO 3 days ago
- RT @RickNothing: @joerogan Would you consider having @AVoiceForMen and @shrink4men on your podcast to talk about leaving crazy women. 1 month ago