Emails from a Crazy Girlfriend: Drama in a Vacuum
While searching for images the other day I came upon this video montage of a two-week meltdown some poor guy’s girlfriend had while he was on holiday in Europe. The woman in question created the drama out of thin air. To say she had egg on her face when her boyfriend returned is an understatement. The whole hen house exploded.
. . . and . . .
3. Don’t confuse “passion” with pathology. It’s amazing how in the absence of any real interaction, Em just kept the drama going and going and going in her own mind until it all blew up in her face. I hope the next woman JD dates actually listens to him when he talks about his travel plans. Yowser.
posted by Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD
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Hi Janet,
From my perspective . . .
. . .the BPD is complex to say the least, sure she can be fun to be with, passionate and all. But the thing I keep in mind is: Everything is always all about her. ( I do not exaggerate in the least ).
I would suppose if you or anyone went back to the emails and read again with this thought in mind – “Everything is always all about her” – you will see, well, you will see all you need to see.
Kind regards,
One male with too much experience
Doesn’t anyone else wonder about a guy who would post emails from his girlfriend on the web like that?! That is TRUE pathology. And while everyone is ready to believe that she took this opportunity to cheat on HIM, didn’t it cross any of your minds that maybe he forgot to tell her? Or deliberately didn’t, but left that part out for entertainment’s sake? How many of you would sit around quietly when you couldn’t contact your SO for 2 weeks?
People with low self esteem automatically assume they are being dumped. I don’t think that makes her psycho. I think that makes her sad. That’s also why she didn’t dump him despite the fact that he didn’t tell her he was gone. The reality is that many men DO use this method to break up with women.
The other reality is that if it was a guy that had gone out and got some when he didn’t hear from his chick for a few days, he’d be a “stud”. But when it is a woman, she must be unhinged.
Hi Janet,
Actually, early on in the video he states that he told her more than once that he was traveling overseas. Most people who go to Europe for 2 weeks are pretty excited and talk about it ahead of time.
Just because she was feeling insecure does not make her actions okay. Nor would her actions have been okay if the genders were reversed. Her behavior is unhinged. It is not the behavior of a stable individual.
Best,
Dr Tara
Haha….wow, that is BPD or NPD at its bests. She couldn’t remember he went abroad? Is her ahead so far up her a## that she can’t even hear? Something similar (but not nearly as bad) happened with one of my exs.
I went abroad for 8 months and came home to visit her during winter break (for a week). When I got there, she didn’t have a Christmas present for me and spent an entire day writing a paper (that she had three weeks to do beforehand). At the end she broke it off with me saying it was “too hard” for her. The only thing she had to do was answer my phone calls (which I paid for).
The day I left her place to return home, I told her I was going back abroad 2 days later. She texted me the next day and asked if I was still in the US (I really wanted to tell her no and I probably should have). My birthday was two days after I returned to study abroad, and she said absolutely nothing. One of her friends wished me a happy birthday but not her.
She was the most self-absorbed person I ever met. Just like JD’s ex, how could she not remember my present, when I was returning, or my birthday!
I looked at the forum posts quoted and it seems like this is is probably ‘trolling’ i.e. posting to enrage other forum members. The person posting may not be who they say they are, nor what they say be true. It doesn’t read true. It reads more like a man that’s been accused trying to make a point by pretending to be the accuser.
The basic point of false accusation against men is valid though, as I know myself!
Like I said, check out FRS, they have the whole story, in great detail, including commentary from the falsely accused, who confirms that this is his accuser.
Off Topic, a little…
Pursuant to a thread on FalseRapeSociety blog (google it) about a young man in the military falsely accused of rape, he named his accused, I did a little searching, and found the name on a forum, asked him if this was the same person, he said yes, since the false rape accusation she has been stalking him for a year, really you need to read the whole thread, I’ll leave you with one quoted post from her though.
Here in Tennessee we violent women are worshipped everyday. We can beat a man and have him put in jail,or tell the police the man raped/molested us, gave us a threatening look and the man will be put in prison. The violence against wome act guarantees this. Our word is held above that of any man. I have called the police and had many men put in jail,even a soldier( because I did not like the way he looked). It was fun to see him hancuffed and taken away, he was looking at a class c felony (I told the police he waved a revolver at me and my friends. There was no proo fneeded for the DA to seek a conviction. The soldier plead guilty to a misdemeanor but, I got my point across.If I don’t like the way a man looks or anything, I just file charges against him and let him rot in jail. The police know who rules this city, we women run this place.
http://www.topix.com/forum/news/violent-crime/TPL4FKSHEEHCDLA5I/p2
All I can say is WOW !! I thought my ex n was bad !
Really don’t know if it’s real on not but my money is on it “could happen”. I base this on the many crazy stunts my ex did and some of them were unbelievable. Pathological people can and do things that one would believe no one would do..
I mean he even called her to night before his trip and again informs her about his pending trip.
Questions:
What’s with the two empty email? I mean why email someone and not put in any contents?
I wondered how many voicemail message was on his phone?
How many people break up (June 5th email) in a email? Sounds like a cowards way out to me..
I understand EM didn’t leave a call back number when she called his mom but could mom have called her son to inform him that his gf called?
Comments:
The hate emails are profound and direct plus she slept with someone else so soon. Sounds like something someone who has shallow emotions would do. Plus anyone who studies graphology understand how some of her emails has spelling errors showing me this writer is very PISSED… (one point for being real)
How she tried to be like him, like the things he likes but she really didn’t. Also attacking his friends too. Something all of ours ex’s did to us from time to time, so…(another point for being real)
(This one I loved)..
“If you love me, you will delete every email I’ve sent you over the past week without reading it.”
It’s the bargain/shift system something all pathological people do. “Conditional love” Like if you do this for me, I will do that for you. (shifting) Like if you loved me more I wouldn’t have cheated on you or if you didn’t get me upset I wouldn’t have broken your favorite record.
“We’ve all made mistakes while you’ve been away”
Sorry but what mistake did JD make again??? (LOL)
“I can explain it all to you” Translation: I lie or tell you anything to get you back, well at least until I don’t want you then I dump your ass ASAP. (Priceless and another point for maybe being real.)
JD takes responsibility about leaving your cell on when on vacation which tells me something about JD.. Thanks Dr. T this video was Priceless real or not..
No, his mum couldn’t have called either just like Em, because his phone was off.
OK this struck a nerve with me too, It reminded me of when I was under so much financial pressure (from her spending) I thought I was having heart trouble. I went to a cardiologist, and after the stress test she was furious that “some women” (Nurse) shave my chest hair for the ecg and wanted to know if it was the fat nurse or the good looking one. Not how are you feeling babe, it was WHO THE HELL WAS TOUCHING YOU! Nuts. For those of you that are free,be kind to yourself and look up Codependency.
The point I was trying to make , in questioning the veracity of his account, is that for many of us, behavior as egregious as this would have been a relief, as the “she is nuts” conclusion would have been so much easier.
That said, my XNPDW, did engage in really nuts stuff, that must have involved some type of memory lapse.
The one that comes to mind is when the kids and I , on her suggestion, arranged for the dog from the golf course where I worked , part time, to stay with us for the weekend.
seems the XW, was finally siftening over the kids lobbying for a dog. She suggested we bring the dog home to see how things went. The kids talked about it all week and were so excited on Friday, when we went top pick her up.
No sooneer had we arrived home and the kids went to play inthe backyard with the dog, then my crazed XW came home. Immediately she went ballistic and insisted in her nuts way w that she had no knowledge of this.
We had to take the dog back and the kids were crying in the car the whole way.
So, maybe I have to re-think this. She was bright enough, but even her own idea was not registered in her mind.
I’m having a hard time believing this, as well. I mean, while disordered, these folks are typically of norma intellignece, sometimes even bright.
How is it possible that the trip’s impending occurence did not register with her when it was discussed? Yes, they are self absorbed, but not to that extent.
And, they are resourceful enough to have tapped other sources of info, like friends, etc for the info on his whereabouts.
I know the temptation is to characterize them as so nuts that this would be possible. But, in reality(and this is what makes it so confusing) they are lucid and rational enough such that if the trip had been discussed, she would have remembered it. And, in the unlikely event it did not register in her mind, she could have easily discovered he was on vacation.
I just wonder about the veracity of this guy’s account. And, beleive me, I am no fan of BPD/NPD women. They will kill you.
Ron,
I’m with you,..I believe it either went down as an opportunity to be bad, playing her hand throughout the days,or I’d question JD’s crediblility! There is no question that these “Crazy” Women will do some “Crazy” shit, as my X-N was daring enough to either do nothing and have fun while I was gone, or let her emotions eat her up, and fabricate a story to make me look bad. If you only knew the stories she used to make up!! I believe it would have eaten my X-N alive inside to know I was backpacking around europe for two weeks, and to know what most of you guys know now about these types, play out in your mind, imagine what would go through a BPD/NPD’s mind whilst their S.O. is galvanting freely in such a place! Imagine the hell you would be coming home to!! Lastly, it then becomes a matter of how much they wish to expose themselves or how bad they can make their victim look.
Does anyone else wonder why she didn’t just try to visit him at his house or ask his Mom if he had gone missing? The fact that she didn’t I think shows how little she really cares about this guy.
My assessment:
1. She was clearly told that JD was going away or she would have tried to physically find him at his house!
2. She was being a wild child while fabricating an abandonment scenario.
3. She used emails so that she could show all her friends what happened and explain why she was with another guy while JD was gone (people talk, so naturally she would need an excuse.).
4. The final email serves the purpose of getting JD back after the fact, or looking like a victim of circumstance to her friends in either case she gets to be a victim and gets the precious as gold pity/attention and coddling her twisted, tormented mind craves above all other things.
This is video is priceless. My Ex Borderline gf jumped to the conclusion that I was cheating on her at 7 am in the morning when I had actually had a Sudden Cardiac Arrest in the gym and had died for 4 minutes!! There were actually texts on my phone asking me who I was with while I was in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Instead of thinking something bad might of happened to me, she left work when she couldn’t get a hold of me and came home to see who I was with at home ! Once I was able to call her 3 hours later from the hospital, she claimed to be worried, but finally admitted the truth weeks later when her only friend told be what she really did. To top it off, two days after the Cardiac Arrest, WHILE I was have bypass surgery she was going through my phone and voice mail to see who had called and texted me while I was in the hospital! These people were worried about me and all she could think about was who was I speaking to while I was waitig to have open heart surgery!
Well its now 11 months later and she has been out of my life for 6 months, with no contact for 3 1/2 months. I am in great health now, running 4 miles a day. The 1 1/2 years I spent with her was a roller coaster and filled with stress!
My advice to anyone involved with a self centered person is run, run very fast…
Wow – please excuse me. For all the counseling and al anon I’ve “now” had, I laughed throughout the Europe video scenario. Today, I now know this is totally crazy behavior. Good for you for ending that relationship right away. Can you imagine what your life would have been like if you hadn’t. Coming from the gal’s side of things – and as my sons says, “I run as fast as I can from anyone that is even slightly crazed”. Good for him. I’ve taught him well. How awful for you to come home to this. You are a strong guy!! I’m on this site as I have a step daughter who is borderline – her mother is sociopathic per our counselor and I just found out she’s coming for 4 days to visit. Need to “remember” that I am not the crazy one here and to stay out of her way. She’s 18 now. Just was looking to see how dad’s handle this.
I love the pictures of what the guy was doing while the emails were pouring in. How many times have we all been doing something completely innocent and having a good time (eg. having dinner with our parents; hanging out with friends; heck, sitting on the couch minding our own business and reading), only to wind up on the receiving end of one of her tantrums?
OMG what great find dr. t!!!!!! i actually went on the guy’s you tube site and commented on this. been there and done that…..experienced this with my X “n” too many times if it wasn’t and e-mail it was a txt if it wasn’t a phone call it was in person…. its amazing how they jump to conclusions and make it all about them they hate being alone, yet when left alone they hate that just as much…..and you in the process..
Correct me if I’m wrong…but did you just put your wife’s real name on here? I know what it’s like to been with one of these women, but take the higher ground. Doing this might stroke your ego in the short term, but “getting back” at these types is a fruitless pursit. Nothing good will come of posting her name on this site, AND askmen.com’s article about emotional abuse.
I would say that was the craziest email trail I have ever seen…..but alas, it is a typical NPD/BPD load of crap.
My STBXW – would accuse me of infidelity when I was simply 20mins late home from work (traffic caused me so much grief)….she even told me her friends saw me and texted her – which would have been a miracle as I was in my bloody car…ha ha ha
And as for the cheating on him……ha ha ha – mine (NAME DELETED BY DR TARA – yep she needs naming) actually told me how she was going to do it to teach me a lesson…..I have stated this before, but I still cant believe there are people like either of these women……especially as we have all met so many lovely, normal women……. bloody nut jobs!!!!!!
And i don’t think that was egg on her face… sorry… bad joke… couldn’t resist..
Yiiiiiick
Holy moly, that video is priceless!!! i do believe that i’ve dated that girl sometime in my past. you tell them what you’re gonna be doing on a given night, tell them more than once, look straight in their eyes as you tell them. then the night comes up and they’re blowing up your phone yelling/texting “where ARE you?’, and you’re right where you said you were gonna be, if only she had listened.
i had an ex once where i would spend 2 days straight with her, then when it was time to go home (it was a 15 minute drive from her place to my place) i couldn’t even get 15 minutes of peace to make it home without her calling me “what are you doing?”. “ummm i’m driving home like i should be doing”. BUT i’m one of those people who is not chained to his phone. so if i were to be on that same drive home then decide to go to the grocery store or stop by a friends place to say hi, then the cheating accusations would come like rapid fire. so i had to sit the girl down – multiple times – and explain to her that my cell phone is not a leash, and will not be used as such, that i am a big boy who has a life beyond her, and at no time do i ever appreciate being accused of cheating. i don’t need to check in if i go to the store, nor for any other action. and what is with the immediate cheating accusations in any given situation with those types of people? i would think that the average person – if they were gonna jump to conclusions – would jump to matters of “is he ok?”. ya know… has he been hit by a bus, is he sick, has something gravely bad happened? but no… these morons always gotta jump to the conclusion that it’s something bad that will directly affect THEM. he’s gotta be cheating on me, he’s gotta be dumping me. sorry honey… not everything in this world is about you… people do have a life beyond you…
Towards the end (the one year anniversary of which was this weekend), she called me one day, having “surprised” me by stopping by the house (we’d been living apart at this point), and asked me to stop by the ATM to bring her some money. I keep my phone on vibrate, and apparently didn’t feel it going off while I was withdrawing money from the ATM, so I missed another call from her (it’s a 15 minute walk from the train station to the house).
So, NATURALLY, the reason I didn’t answer was that I’d realized “oh shit! she’s home! I better cancel my plans to cheat on her for the evening!!”
At least, according to her.
This second paragraph is where I am now. My cell phone is not a leash.
What I cannot fathom is when someone takes a trip to europe, it is usually well planned, and known to everyone close to him(especially girlfriend), I mean everyone!!! If she was indeed unaware of this trip, someone would have told her after 3 days max.!? As well where 2+2 don’t add up is, most decent and intelligent women, if they were deceived, not told about such a trip, would most likely dump him immediately, not back track and say, “don’t read all my previous emails.” It would sound more like “good riddance M.F’r!” Seems literally impossible to happen, however, she may have planned to have fun in his absence (opportunity to be bad,hoping then to project blame upon him).and simply wanted to create a facade that she didn’t know where he was. Crazy N bitches love to play these type of head games! I know my X-N played some pretty unbelievable shit on me when she wanted to have fun, then of course, expected me to believe it!!
Her emotional roller coaster ride was a bunch of B.S., she was simply having too good of a time F’n everyone else! Like NoSe said, most normal people would wonder about a person’s well being first. Key point as to why I don’t believe her ignorance, nor what she says in the emails!
There is no possible way she didn’t know about this trip, therefore, I don’t think it backfired on her at all. She ad-libbed as the days went on. She’ll mark this one down as one of her proudest and greatest performances ever, and is then prepared to move on should he decide to do likewise. No sweat off her ass! Like she said, she can have any man she wants (so she thinks!) Incredible what these crazy women dish out and expect us to believe. Oh that’s right, I’ve been there done that!! Yep NoSe, it does suck,.. glad I won’t do it again!
PS- she still believes he’ll come back for more,..for old time sake! Lies, deception, manipulation, promiscuity,..all wrapped up in one neat female narcissitic package. She has my vote as a Poster Child for NPD/BPD!!
Hi melove,
I’m with you on how she “forgot” or “tuned out” he was going to Europe for 2 weeks. Most college students don’t fly off to Europe on a spur of the moment whim. It’s not like hopping the red eye to Vegas. You need a passport, rail passes, etc.
Either it was an elaborate head game or she really is that daft. In either case, she seems pretty unstable. Plus, the middle of the night emails seem to indicate she was engaging in the email version of “drunk dialing.”
I hope JD found a nice girl to give Em’s necklace to…
He doesn’t really -say- anywhere that he actually told her that she went to Europe, though? And, seriously, you can’t even go into an Internet cafe to check your emails? Over two weeks? What if there were a family emergency or something? I agree that she’s wanky and a drama queen (“soul mate” ffs), but um it doesn’t sound like he’s that great at communication there, either, frankly. Like at best he just sort of decided she’d wait “on hold” while he went around Europe? Personally I think he’s got some work to do, myself, if he thinks that’s a great way to treat a girlfriend; even if she hadn’t wigged out on him I wouldn’t blame someone for being at least somewhat annoyed.
And revenge sex is OK?
Personally, I think if a person disappears on you, you should be worried about them not angry at them.
It seems Em thought of JD as more of a portable entertainment system to show off to her friends and confide all her deep dark secrets too, but when JD was no longer there to do so she got angry, not worried. I believe she should have been more concerned about his well being, not hers.
Wow, you just described my wife.
Besides, in the video he states he did talk about the European trip with her many times at about 0:16 into video. At 0:25 JD even states he called her to say good-bye.
That would indicate her self-centered thoughts are buzzing around her head so much she can’t even hear what other people are saying.
No, not at all. I think she’s an obvious nutter. I just think it’s also a bit odd to be that casual about keeping touch when you’re gone for two weeks. -shrug-
Ah, okay, I guess I missed that somehow. Well, okay, then, she’s just nuts.
I still think it’s a good idea to at least check your email or get a phone card or something…
Hi Bemused,
I agree. If I can’t check my email at least once a day, even while on vaca, I go a little batty. However, I hate using Internet cafes, so if my hotel doesn’t offer free wifi (with the Euro dwarfing the USD, 20 euros to use hotel Internet becomes too pricey) I go without contact.
Like JD, I warn my friends, family and colleagues about this in advance. Also, some people actually prefer to truly get away from it all and have no contact—just like in the olden days (the early 1990s).
JD appears to be a college kid, so being away for 2 weeks without contact shouldn’t have been a big deal for a girlfriend who isn’t a nutter. They were dating. It’s not like he left young children behind—with the exception of Em, that is!
Best,
Dr T
yeah, true, I wonder how we all got along without the Internet, wifi, and cellphones all that time…
That’s hilarious! Good find!
It’s almost like Em created her own negative fallacy script, and allowed herself to act out the revenge and apology scenes without any input from JD.
So what is the clinical diagnosis or nomenclature for this type of outburst?
Thanks, Matt! I love it when I find stuff like this.
Don’t know that I can make a DSM-diagnosis, but words like “unhinged,” “immature,” “melodramatic,” “unbalanced,” “self-fulfilling prophesy,” and “psycho-girlfriend” come to mind.
I was told that when you use layman’s terms in describing people…like a’hole jerk, drama queen….you are offering a psychological diagnosis anyway just in a less then academic and uninstructed way.
So, if you’re an a’hole you’re narcissistic. If you’re a jerk you’re borderline, and if you’re a drama queen you’re histrionic.
This may be true in some cases. However, a person merits a diagnosis only if these traits are persistent personality traits across time rather than infrequent reactions to unusually frustrating circumstances.
Therefore, it’s important to ask is this a recurring trait or behavior triggered by incredibly stressful circumstances? Many men on this sites are accused of being angry jerks, when in fact they’ve been needled and poked and jabbed until they eventually lose their patience.
The above one-way email exchange is beyond the pale. As many of you have pointed out, surely, if she actually spoke to one of JD’s friends they would’ve reminded her about his trip. Nevertheless, I still don’t know how you forget your boyfriend is going on vaca for 2 weeks. Presumably he told her he would be shutting off his phone to avoid roaming charges.
Fear of abandoment. Easily tossed JD aside and let some guy she didn’t really know jack hammer her. Never even considered thinking that maybe JD was in trouble or missing instead of thinking she got dumped. I can’t imagine this not being traits of histrionic, borderline or narcissistic tendencies.
I like the part when JD states that passion goes both ways. When they love you they love you, but when they hate you they reeeeaaally hate you. Yep, drama sucks.
Hi NoSeRider,
Yes, It’s an interesting and unpleasant trait: “It’s all about me and how you’re wronging me.”
No thought about the other person’s well-being; no benefit of the doubt. However, in this case, there never should have been an issue. JD states he talked about the trip many times before leaving. I’m sure he was very excited about it. This is the problem when you’re involved with a self-centered, self-obsessed 5-year old in a woman’s body—if what you’re interested in or talking about doesn’t involve them, “la, la, la, I can’t hear you.”
Frankly, I think JD is lucky this happened. She imploded while he was away with NO CONTACT, didn’t spoil his trip and got out of the relationship sooner than later.