VIDEO: Narcissists, Circular Arguments, Emotional Reasoning and JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain)


For narcissists, borderlines and other abusive personalities, the point of conflict is not to resolve disagreements or relationship difficulties. Are you making basic conflict mistakes with your narcissistic wife, girlfriend or ex?

Read the article HERE.

Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries or send an email to shrink4men@gmail.com.

Want to Say Goodbye to Crazy? Buy it HERE.

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Do Narcissists Ever Hit Rock Bottom?


Drawing Big Hand - Cartoon Businessman Going DownDo narcissists have a line they won’t cross? Is there a low too low for them to go? Do they eventually see the error of their ways? Do they ever hit rock bottom?”  I’ve been asked these questions more times than I can recall. In most cases, what clients are really asking is, “Can my narcissistic wife, girlfriend, husband, boyfriend, child, parent or sibling change? Will they ever get better? Will we ever go back to those halcyon love bombing days?”

Hitting rock bottom is an addictions treatment term. It’s the lowest self-destructive point to which the addict must sink before she or he admits they have a problem and seeks help. Do narcissists ever hit rock bottom? Do they change?

In my experience, the answer is NO. Narcissists may eventually hit a Wall of Accountability, but that’s different than hitting bottom (more on this later). So just how low can a narcissist go?

READ FULL ARTICLE HERE.

Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries or send an email to shrink4men@gmail.com.

Want to Say Goodbye to Crazy? Buy it HERE.

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Narcissist Dictionary: Why Are You Being So Mean?!?!?!?


Shrink4Men_Narcissist Dictionary_Why are you being so meanWant to see a narcissist, psychopath or borderline go from aggressor to professional victim in .001 seconds flat? That’s easy. It typically happens whenever the narcissist is held accountable, publicly exposed for their misdeeds or actual crimes or someone pushed back and treated the narcissist the way the narcissist treats others. If you’re on the receiving end of this kind of role reversal otherwise known as DARVO (Deny, Attack and Reverse Victim and Offender) it can be incredibly crazy-making.

When most of us think of bullies, we tend to conjure up images of the playground bully who took our lunch money or the mean girl in high school who excelled in relational aggression — by socially excluding peers, gossiping and encouraging their followers and wannabe’s to follow suit. Bullies, whether they’re children or adults, are frequently the traditional in your face jerks. Their predations are overt and, therefore, easier to identify.

But there’s another kind of bully that’s more covert and difficult to identify — the cry baby bully. The bully who goes from smug, unrepentant asshole to a blubbering, sympathy-seeking gaslighter-projector as soon as they get a taste of their own medicine or are called out for their nonsense. Narcissists and their ilk also play cry baby victim when old or new potential targets enforce boundaries and don’t allow themselves to be manipulated or exploited by the narcissist. Why do narcissists, psychopaths and borderlines do this?

Because it’s effective.

READ THE FULL ARTICLE HERE.

Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries or send an email to shrink4men@gmail.com.

Want to Say Goodbye to Crazy? Buy it HERE.

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The Abuse of Police Wellness Checks in High-Conflict Custody Cases


74574072 - policeman fine iconObviously, requesting that the police do wellness checks on children who are legitimately at risk in the care of one of their parents is, sadly, a necessary action. For example, when one parent is proven (with verifiable evidence, not she said/he said) to be an active alcoholic or addict, has chronic relapses, or has a history of violence and neglect yet has somehow managed to retain custody rights. In these situations, there may be times when a wellness check is genuinely necessary. However, in my counseling practice, wellness checks are often just another way for a high-conflict ex to abuse and harass the other parent.

A person the high-conflict parent hates beyond all reason. A person they hate more than they love their children.

It would be interesting to see data regarding the percentage of annual wellness checks police departments conduct in which children are deemed safe vs. in genuine peril. Many of my clients’ high-conflict, personality disordered exes (narcissists, borderlines, histrionics, psychopaths, paranoiacs, dependent personalities) have abused law enforcement wellness checks to the point it has become a form of harassment and abuse of my clients. Also consider how scary it is for most children to have the police randomly show up at dad’s house and want to see them. Not to mention the embarrassment of the neighbors seeing the cops parked in front of the house. Again.

READ THE REST OF THIS ARTICLE HERE.

Dr Tara J Palmatier_Shrink4Men_02Counseling with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of abusive relationships, coping with the stress of abusive relationships or healing from abusive relationships. Coaching individuals through high-conflict divorce and custody cases is also an area of expertise. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for more information.

Say Goodbye to CrazyWant to Say Goodbye to Crazy? Buy it HERE.

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Narcissist Fight Club Rules Audio Interview for World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day


Here’s a link to the interview I did for Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day with Bree Bonchay and Athena Moberg. It’s a little over an hour long. After June 3 2018, you won’t be able to access the file for free (at least I don’t think so). The topic is Narcissistic Fight Club: The Only Way to Win Is Not to Play. The first half focuses on how victims heal and the differences between male victims of narcissistic abuse vs. female victims. Then, we get into the fight club rules:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/qqgw1o5ehvncw0y/%C2%A9%202018-WNAAD-Bree-Bonchay-Athena-Moberg-Tara-Palmatier-%23IfMyWoundsWereVisible.mp3?dl=0

Dr Tara J Palmatier_Shrink4Men_02Counseling with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of abusive relationships, coping with the stress of abusive relationships or healing from abusive relationships. Coaching individuals through high-conflict divorce and custody cases is also an area of expertise. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for more information.

Say Goodbye to CrazyWant to Say Goodbye to Crazy? Buy it HERE.

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You Might Be in a Relationship with a Narcissist If . . . You Apologize to Inanimate Objects


Shrink4Men_You might be in a relationship with a narcissist if_You apologize to inanimate objects when you bump into themIf you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist or other abusive personality, you’ve probably become conditioned to preface many of your spoken and written statements with, “I’m sorry.”

I’m sorry to bother you.

I’m sorry I have feelings and needs.

I’m sorry you had to cheat on me.

I’m sorry I can’t read your mind.

I’m sorry I ruined your life.

I’m sorry I got blood on your sleeve when you hit me.

I’m sorry I made you behave badly.

I’m sorry for breathing too loudly.

I’m sorry for taking too much room on the bed (as your ass hangs over the edge of the mattress.)

I’M SORRY.

A fundamental diagnostic criteria of the Cluster B disorders (i.e., narcissists, borderlines, histrionics, sociopaths/psychopaths) is a lifelong pattern of blaming others for their problems — particularly the self-created ones — and a refusal to hold themselves accountable. Oftentimes, their partners, children, employees, etc., will learn to reflexively take the blame and apologize in an effort to avoid or minimize the tantrums, rages, pout outs and silent treatments. This typically ends up backfiring on you, however.

READ THE FULL ARTICLE AT SHRINK4MEN.COM

Dr Tara J Palmatier_Shrink4Men_02Counseling with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of abusive relationships, coping with the stress of abusive relationships or healing from abusive relationships. Coaching individuals through high-conflict divorce and custody cases is also an area of expertise. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for more information.

Say Goodbye to CrazyWant to Say Goodbye to Crazy? Buy it HERE.

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How Narcissists Use and Twist Words


how narcisissists borderlines use and twist wordsCommunicating with narcissists . . . why do we bother? I’m exhausted just thinking about it. Between their penchant for tossing word salad, pathological lying, broken promises, deliberate provocations, pretzel twisting words, putting words in your mouth that were never there — it’s both pointless and exhausting. Unless, of course, the narcissist or borderline is making your divorce/custody case arguments by kindly documenting their crazy for you, in which case there’s some value in communicating. But only if you’ve got your emotions in check and know how to practice BIFF communication (brief, informative, firm, friendly business civil). And only if you’ve broken your JADE habit (justifying, arguing, defending, explaining).

It’s important to be deliberate and precise with the words we use. Words have meaning. It’s how we facilitate comprehension and avoid misunderstandings. It’s how we negotiate getting our wants and needs met. It’s how we share ideas, teach and counsel others. One of my instant credibility breakers is when someone, say a visitor to the Shrink4Men Facebook page, posts a false or just plain wrong statement about me and my work and, when challenged, becomes indignant and accuses me of splitting hairs over their use of words. How many people reading this have had a narcissistic or borderline partner, ex or parent snap at you, “I know what I said, but it’s not what I meant!” when you call them on their BS?

Everyone uses words to communicate, including narcissists, psychopaths and borderlines. However, narcissists et al frequently use words differently than normal people (i.e., non-disordered) do. Not all narcissists, psychopaths and borderlines do the following things all of the time. But enough of them do often enough, which is why we write books and articles about these topics using generalizations. In my personal and clinical observations, there are five primary differences in how narcissists and other immature and unstable personalities communicate.

READ THE FULL ARTICLE ON SHRINK4MEN.COM

 Dr Tara J Palmatier_Shrink4Men_02Counseling with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of abusive relationships, coping with the stress of abusive relationships or healing from abusive relationships. Coaching individuals through high-conflict divorce and custody cases is also an area of expertise. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for more information.

Say Goodbye to CrazyWant to Say Goodbye to Crazy? Buy it HERE.

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