Home > Abusive relationships, Borderline Personality Disorder, bullying, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Psychology, relationships > 25 Signs your Narcissistic or Borderline Wife or Girlfriend is Traumatizing You

25 Signs your Narcissistic or Borderline Wife or Girlfriend is Traumatizing You


danger crazy womanDo you experience insomnia, nightmares, fatigue, nausea, aches and pains, and an underlying sense of dread? Do you feel like you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop? Is it difficult for you to trust others because you’re worried they’ll hurt you? Do you frequently feel ashamed, guilty, and worthless? Are you involved with an emotionally abusive, narcissistic or borderline woman?

Ain’t love grand! Being involved with an emotionally abusive, narcissistic or borderline woman can do quite a number on you. If you’ve been bullied, manipulated, abused, confused, and demeaned by the woman you love, you may have developed a stress reaction from her repeated violations of trust called betrayal trauma (Freyd, 2008). Betrayal trauma can significantly and adversely affect your physical and psychological well being (Freyd, Klest, & Allard, 2005).

Many men who are abused by their wives or girlfriends don’t recognize their behaviors as abusive. These men minimize and misidentify what’s happening by telling themselves that she’s just “emotional” or, worse yet, blame themselves for her cruel and hurtful behaviors. These men blind themselves to the reality of the situation in order to preserve the relationship.

Alternatively, some men realize her behavior is wrong and abusive, but remain silent. There are two primary reasons for keeping mum:

  1. Confronting an abusive woman about her behavior only makes her nastier and you’re then subjected to a narcissistic rage episode and/or histrionic drama queen performance.
  2. She’ll just blame you for everything or deny what she did anyway, so why bother saying anything?

Whether you’re suffering in self-induced oblivion or are painfully aware, but keeping quiet, there are consequences to staying in an abusive relationship. Trauma affects you physically and psychologically. It also has a detrimental effect on all of your other relationships or lack thereof.

Common physical and emotional reactions to trauma:

  1. Headaches, backaches, muscle fatigue, and stomach aches.
  2. Nausea, irritable bowels, diarrhea, or constipation.
  3. Increased susceptibility to colds and other illnesses because chronic stress is weakening your immune system.
  4. Insomnia and other sleep disturbances such as ruminative thought or bad dreams.
  5. A pervasive sense of anxiety, dread, fear, worry, and/or panic attacks.
  6. Depression, the blues, grief, or feeling hopeless about the future.
  7. Feelings of helplessness, weakness, and being trapped.
  8. Feeling disoriented, confused, and/or overwhelmed.
  9. Isolating yourself from others, not communicating with friends and family.
  10. Feeling emotionally detached, shut down or numb.
  11. Feeling overwhelmed or flooded by feelings that are disproportionate to the situation.
  12. Difficulty concentrating, focusing or remembering things.
  13. Feelings of guilt, shame, worthlessness and/or blaming yourself for things that aren’t your fault.
  14. Difficulty trusting others, feeling paranoid (like others are out to get you), feelings of betrayal.
  15. Drinking too much, taking drugs, overeating or engaging in other compulsive behaviors to numb and/or soothe yourself.
  16. Outbursts of anger, rage, irritability or frustration that are disproportionate to the situation.
  17. Mood swings or moodiness.
  18. Overly sensitive to criticism.
  19. Denying, rationalizing or minimizing the traumatic behaviors.
  20. Feeling on edge, jumpy or hypervigilant to possible attacks, always being on the defense.
  21. Keeping secrets, censoring or stuffing your feelings, lying to others about what happens in your relationship.
  22. Developing false beliefs such as, “All women are crazy” or “Never trust anyone” or “Never let your guard down” or “Never tell anyone how you’re really feeling or what you really think because they’ll use it against you.” These are negative and self-limiting beliefs that keep you from living life fully.
  23. Difficulty making decisions, fear of making the “wrong choice.”
  24. Not taking care of yourself—eating poorly, not exercising, not getting enough rest, engaging in dangerous activities that could be passive suicide attempts like crossing the street without looking or biking in dangerous areas.
  25. Feelings of indifference, fatalism, cynicism, or pessismism.

These are NORMAL reactions to ABNORMAL and abusive behaviors. However, your girlfriend or wife has probably used the stress reactions you’re experiencing, because of her, as another device to hurt you. “Why are you so sensitive? Stop being so defensive! You’re a hypochondriac. Stop being such a baby. You’re so angry. You’re being labile.” Sound familiar? She uses the trauma symptoms you’re experiencing, which she induced, to further traumatize you. Nice.

If you’re suffering from the symptoms of betrayal trauma please take the necessary steps to get out of your emotionally abusive relationship and recover from it. Healing from trauma takes time and can bring up a lot of painful emotions that you had to suppress while in your emotionally abusive relationship. This is also a normal part of the process. Try to feel the feelings as they come up without guilt or self-recrimination.

Other tips to recover from trauma sustained in an abusive relationship include:

Seek support. Share your feelings with someone you trust. If you’re uncomfortable talking with friends or family at first because you’re ashamed or feel foolish, find a therapist or join a support group.

Don’t isolate. One of the effects of being in abusive relationship is distancing yourself from others who care about you. Part of recovery involves reestablishing these connections.

Take care of yourself. Eat well, exercise, rest, and find ways to relax.

Develop a daily routine. This will keep you grounded and help to create a sense of predictability and normalcy after the unpredictability and instability of your life with your emotionally abusive wife or girlfriend.

Say Goodbye to CrazyWant to Say Goodbye to Crazy? Buy it HERE.

Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries or send an email to shrink4men@gmail.com.

Want to Say Goodbye to Crazy? Buy it HERE.

 

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Related content:

Traumatic Love: Is Your Narcissistic or Borderline Wife or Girlfriend Making You Sick?

Photo credit:

Danger crazy woman by FaG on flickr.

References:

Freyd, J.J. (2008) What is a betrayal trauma? What is Betrayal trauma theory?  http://dynamic.uoregon.edu/~jjf/trauma.html

Freyd, J.J., Klest, B., & Allard, C.B. (2005) Betrayal trauma: Relationship to physical health, psychological distress, and a written disclosure intervention.  Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, 6(3), 83-104.

  1. Gezim Mehmet
    December 17, 2019 at 10:14 pm

    First of all, thank you Dr Tara for the insight which as a man, I find refreshing. The majority of councillors take aim at the husband with blame towards them for the way the female partner is which Im sure may be the case in some circumstances. My chronic depression and pain ceased the day after my wife of 5 years left. We only lived together for 2 months in 5 years we were together she had to help raise her daughters child whilst I was the financial backing for her and her children. The abuse ranged from emotional, often physical and financial from not just her but her children also, to be free of it was made easier by your advice. She often blamed me, her past but never made efforts to seek counselling for herself even if I tried organising it for her. My attempts to organise marriage counselling sessions always fell flat with little effort on her part.

    I’m unsure however that I’m just going through some sort of ‘Trauma Escape’ survival feeling of euphoria and am conscious to keep it in check. Ways Im keeping in check include making plans for what I’ve always wanted to do, practising my faith again and being physically and mentally active. I still unfortunately have too many feelings of anger which I know will cause me to be upset at times so I journal them and listen to various Indian and buddhist videos on anger management to get back to the person I once was.

    I don’t feel I need a partner again, after all if you don’t like being on your own at times then your in bad company.. Amazingly, good things are happening to me, it’s almost as though a spell was lifted since she left. To be happy and not jaded is the key to surviving marriage breakups, also to genuinely forgive knowing I don’t have to endure those hardships again is something that might take time but is worth it to minimise the anger that sometimes swirls within me.

    Thank you so much again.

  2. Becky Adams
    January 30, 2017 at 1:28 am

    I have a mother that acts like she hates me and resents me with every fiber of her being.
    She has always talked bad about me all through the years even to my kids at a very young age.
    And in return my kids would say please don’t talk about my mother.
    So because of that she resents my kids too.
    And it’s not limited to trashing me and my kids she trash talks everyone in the family to different members of the family.
    And no one will defend or stick up for anyone in the family but me.
    Everyone else just let’s her be the back stabbing shit talking evil person she is.
    My aunt told me along time ago it’s easier to let her think she’s always right and never confront her on anything. Because your never going to win a fight with your mother.
    I can’t stand how vicious my mother really is and claims she’s a “Christian”
    The worst is when she talks about my 85 yr. Old grandmother like a dog.
    I know their is crazy but my mom is evil and crazy.

    • shrink4men
      January 30, 2017 at 1:44 am

      I’m sorry you have such a horrible mother. Have you consider cutting contact with her?

  3. JIM
    September 4, 2015 at 2:41 am

    Wow – I never really fully pieced together this part of the puzzle. In my relationship I found I got to point where I felt no joy at all being around my kids, would get very angry on the drop of hat & suffered persistent symptoms like IBS. The psycho- ex would always find a way to attack me using these issues & integrate then into her shaming routine. Even after been separated for 18 months, she still persist in using any channel of communication to bombard me with guilt/shame & pity tirades until my eyes hurt reading her emails etc? But when I see those emails hot my inbox I immediately get those IBS type symptoms again, it really annoys me that she can still effect me this way…

  4. Thechap321
    June 14, 2015 at 11:50 am

    Hi,
    8 days ago I finally sent her a message (was afraid to say it face to face) that she was hurting me really bad and under no circumstances would I give up my children for her.
    Then said I,m sorry at the end.
    I divorced my ex wife in 2006 (she had BPD)
    My one daughter whom my wife punched stayed with me and has been with me since,she was 15 when it happened, now 21.
    9 months after divorce I was introduced to a stunning woman who was 10 years younger than me. For the first 2 years she was an angel (few bits here and there but I put it down to pmt)
    The last 2 years have been text book NPD.
    She has abused me , beaten me, lied to me, bad mouthed my life friends, my children…oh and never misses a dig at my ex.
    I’ve taken her places,and paid for everything since day one, watches, jewellery, tv,s holidays clothes, restaurants you name it. She brought me fish and chips twice in nearly 5 years.
    She would deny saying any of the things I said that she had and tell me I was f:::g mental and I should get help. She lost it 5 weeks ago in front of my youngest who is 12 , and her grandchildren were there also and we were all scared.
    She had her daughter when she was 14 and has had a few relationships since then but they’ve all failed. She works at the local hospital 28 hrs a week and earns not much but won’t work full time, I don’t know why.
    Whilst at work she went down my medical records and found out that I caught genital warts from a girl when I was 24… I am now 53 and she threw that at me in front of the little kids.
    My daughter was crying and rang her mum who came and got her, my girlfriend then called her names and slammed the door.
    She has said some disgusting things about my eldest girl also.
    I actually recorded one rant and she said she was gonna report me to the police for invasion of privacy

    She then bundled her grandchildren into the car (drunk) and took them away.
    This has happened if I said a hundred times and she always comes back but this time I know for my own sake and my girls. It is tearing me apart and is very painful and I just keep thinking I will never meet anyone else.

    But I’m going to try.

    Thanks for listening guys…jeff

  5. cunfused
    March 18, 2015 at 6:58 pm

    I’ve been perusing the topics on the site for days. I still find it hard to stop denying whats happening. My current gf of 6yrs goes through these cold shoulder/ silent treatment cycles. She will shut me out for days or weeks and won’t tell me what the offense was that upset her. I have humiliated myself countless times begging to know what I did wrong, and attempting to make amends.

    I often torment myself trying to figure out what I did to make her ignore me. I even start to believe it is my fault for whatever set her off.

    Things are (otherwise) generally pretty good.

    I get kicked out as sure as the sun rises at least once a year and most years, a 2nd or 3rd time.
    We usually have a talk on her terms whenever she is ready, and its usually just her explaining how I’m such a f@#* up, and how im lucky she puts up with me. She kitchen sinks me from old issues to saying she wishes I loved her as much a I do. It usually ends with that’s she’s unhappy and confused as to whether she wants to continue the relationship.

    I can almost set the spring episodes to a watch. I’ve moved to my hometown before after getting the boot in 2012 for 1/2yr and moved back with promises of changes. I have many times and since spent days in motel rooms since the silent treatment and being ignored was too much to handle as well. In almost had to give up my job in during the 2014 episode. I found a room to rent and we took a break for a few months. I crawled back to her.

    During the silent treatment phase She starts posting more stuff on fb , probably to incite a response. Things that indirectly broadcast there’s trouble in the relationship and makes out as the victim. She will say things like “love hurts, if you love the wrong person.” Then theres the ambiguous remarks that make me wonder if she ever really loved me, or if she’s been unfaithful or had someone waiting in the wings. Then the obvious self victimizing remarks. People never change remarks, She can’t sleep since she is up with the baby by herself… Not adding the fact that she pushed me away, kicked me out, and told me to leave without giving me a reason why. When I was there to help.

    There’s random times when things are good when I’ll catch her staring at me almost endearingly just to say she hates me, or I make her crazy. I just ask why and get an “idk” answer.

    In finally want to break free, but just had a second child with her that’s only weeks old.
    When things are good, they are good. But its the polar opposite when this happens. Because of the infrequency/ unexpected nature of the cycles I don’t want think its intentional abuse. And I’ve explained countless times how it breaks my heart. She keeps doing it though. I want to stick it out and can’t imagine accusing her of emotional abuse. She otherwise looks after me pretty well. I do detect a hint of codependency with her due to her upbringing.
    At the same time, I cannot bear the idea of her being emotionally/ physically intimate with another man.
    I’m finding it hard to detach. I’m finding it hard accepting that its emotional abuse, as the other posters here seem to have experienced more extreme and frequently occurring abuse episodes.

    I’m confused. Things are usually good, then, like switching on a light all this chaos and I don’t understand why.

    I want to stop the cycle but don’t want to give up my family, her, the great sex, or the time I’ve invested in the relationship.

  6. jer
    September 13, 2014 at 10:27 pm

    I am stuck in a relationship with a borderliner. I feel there is no escape, she won’t let me leave her. I live far away from friends or family and feel like a prisoner to this person. She’s made me well aware that she will completely destroy my life if I ever leave her. I have to keep her halfway happy and satisfy her obsession with me or my life becomes complete hell. I have felt every single one of those 25 signs listed in the article. She’s turned everything I say or do into some bull cap issue. I heard around town her last boyfriend left the United states to return to his home country just to escape her. This is by far the worst situation I have ever been in and I want nothing more than to escape her terror.

  7. arebe
    May 5, 2014 at 6:10 pm

    Here’s where I’m confused – that list is less about how I feel in the relationship (although I can relate to many) it’s a clear and concise list of HER behavior. Every single one of those is a descriptor for her; I mean every one! What’s that all about?

    Yes she is crazy. Took me 7 years to push past my own stuff of “fixer” and “Nice and Patient Guy” to finally throw in the towel. It was hard – it still is. I keep a small hope (which I do know is totally delusional) that she’ll wake up one day and get it! Argh … it’s a slow hard process. It’s weird and confusing wanting to be with someone that abuses you or hoping secretly, that they’ll “get it” and love you in a genuine and sane way. Damn. I’ve said that dealing with this issue is really less about her and more about me. It’s a slow, sometimes depressing process flushing out our own demons in order to move forward finally in a healthy and hopeful way towards have the relationship I deserve.

  8. Alain Rondeau
    August 19, 2013 at 6:04 am

    How do I get out of this abusive relationship without getting murdered?
    Everything I’ve read so far is all like my marriage, I have been married for 16 years before but never seen anything like this in my previous relationship.
    I would describe my last 5 years with this woman I’ve met 5 years ago a living hell, she has bullied me and my 16 years old daughter to no end. I have no friends left, she turned them all against me, my daughter has cut herself from her toes to her hips and both arms from wrist to elbows, she told my daughter she was ugly, called her fat even though she is underweight for her height, got her to spend 2 months in the psychiatric ward for anorexia and bulemia, drove her and me to depression, my daughter had multiple suicide attempts and is now on antidepressants.
    I am on stress leave for almost 3 months, can’t work and have a prescription of antidepressants I refuse to take but I’m fighting suicide thoughts because she keeps threatening to take our 3 year old boy that I love with all my heart but she constantly talk to him into believing that I am an evil person.
    She spends more time in the guest room than in our room, my boy walks back and forth from one room to the other in total confusion, asking his mom to come back, she never worked a day in her life and force me to send $400/month to her kids in a foreign country and wants $200/month plus the $100/month for child benefit from the government while I pay all the bills, mortgage and also have to pay $1,500 in child support to my ex. I only net $3,200/month.
    So I told her I would no longer pay for her child support, she went and got a job and 2 months later, she had 3 credit card and came home with a brand new car that she paid $8,500.00 above sticker price, they ripped her off by telling her how much bi-weekly her payments would be, but she doesn’t have a valid driver’s license.
    I should add that this is also a case of immigration fraud, she thought I would sponsor her and then divorce me but she was having problems with her kids birth certificate saying she was married but denies it to be true, when she kept talking divorce, I asked immigration when does the sponsorship ends, they told me in 3 years, I said but it has already been 3 years, they said not yet, it will start once she gets her permanent residence but she can’t get it because her papers are not in order.
    She now accuses me if making false declarations on her papers.
    Everything is my fault, so I withdrew from sponsoring because if she gets her PR and leave, she can bring her 2 daughters here and go on welfare and I have to pay back every cent she takes from the government.
    Now I will have to consider going for protection under the bankruptcy act because I have nothing left to live on.
    I’m so tired and so depressed, all I want is to have a life with my 2 kids and be able to provide for them but all I get is verbal abuse and don’t know what to do in order to get my life back.

    • Derrick
      August 30, 2013 at 2:50 am

      im sorry to here about your situation. its not unlike mine. my hopefully soon to be exwife had a government job with the extension service and once all our debt was paid, had to have a child. I didn’t know what was going on initially, but figured it out with the help of an awesome counselor and this website. during our marriage she found ways to guilt trip me and try to drive a wedge between me and my family and friends. luckily, I am part of a family farm so its kinda hard to make that separation. she slowly escalated things and it got closer to time for #1 to get here. as soon as he was born I was the worst person in the world for not being home all the time. kinda hard when you farm for a living plus having side jobs to support the “the baby needs this” habit. after many “im leaving”, “I cant live with someone that…”, and finally last Christmas eve “I want a divorce” I filed for divorce with the best lawyer I could find, and sent her packing. she managed to get herself pregnant so now I have two sons, second born post-filing. It was the last thing I thought i’d ever have to do but my health both physical and mental were declining fast. She would keep me up all night to “talk”, which meant she talked and I finally gave in to whatever at 4 am because the alarm was going off in an hour. her constant contact all day long made it worse. everyday was something else “I did wrong”. there was no satisfying no matter how hard I tried. once I figured it out, there was only one option, since she stormed out of counseling because the counselor told her she might have a problem. I filed in January, and its been a grueling process. its still not over. she acts sweet but when I get her proposals they are a big middle finger in my face. There is a lot of stress with the divorce process but I haven’t felt this good nor have I been in this good of mental shape for 4 years. you have to do whats necessary to preserve yourself especially when you have young children, despite the financial wreck. do what you can to get the kids out of the situation. find any friends you have lost and explain to them whats going on. you’d be surprised how much they already knew that you didn’t see and how understanding they will be. hope this helps you some. just talking about it helps me

  9. April 29, 2013 at 1:05 am

    In many documented cases, psychiatrists themselves have been manipulated, frustrated and fallen under the spell of Borderline Personality patients. The psychaitrists themselves
    have had to seek treatment due to their contact with BPD’s. It’s in literature and on the Internet.

  10. Juggler
    April 22, 2013 at 3:24 pm

    After a month reading shrink4men and having my WTF moment. I started doing some soul searching and wen´t back 18 years in my life to try and understand what happened, why was I so blind not to see the obvious.

    I called my parents and asked them “did you ever see the signs?, why didn´t you say anything?

    Sorry to say that my parents have been victims of my unhealthy relationship with my wife from the very beginning. I learned also that they did tell me, they did warm me, even months before the wedding my mom and dad were shocked how I was being manipulated against them and problems I was enduring. They hardly ever see me or my kids, and my kids hardly ever want to see them because of their mother hatred for them.

    I am an abused husband, I am a professional caretaker, I am a knight in shining armor stuck to belligerent damsel in distress, I am a professional bad experiences blocker, I have paid with 18 years of my life in pain, I have paid with the realization that my kids are hurt and to tell you the truth, I am scared to death at the months ahead because I know I can´t continue to live in this hell, even though so familiar.

    Thanks to all of you at Shrik4Men I have opened my eyes and do not like what I see and I know there must be a better way to live in peace the rest of my life.

    • Nick
      April 28, 2013 at 6:16 pm

      Keep reading, Juggler. I’m in the same situation but I have a plan, I document and I’ve used the information here and at MGTOW’s forum to defend myself. Search through Dr. T’s website, there are a lot of tips on how to deal with batsh** crazy and STOP punishing yourself. You are not alone, brother! God bless you!

      • Juggler
        April 29, 2013 at 3:09 am

        Thanks Nick. I am starting to read on MGTOW, amazing concepts. I hope to fix my life and transfer some knowledge to my kids on the way.
        All this info is so New to me, like i have been living in a paralel world. I am so greatful to have Found it. I believe it colud save my life.

  11. April 22, 2013 at 1:08 am

    For anyone contemplating a friendship/relationship with a BPD person research appropriate literature first. Find out how to cope. Now I sorta know how to handle it and won’t be manipulated. I thought her problems were my responsibilty to fix…not true! I was acting out of guilt/obligation/ fear of losing the friendship. Now I’ve let go. If you’re choosing to be with them..don’t argue/explain/justify or counterattack. Have empathy/diplomacy/tact, be firm though about your own rights and boundaries otherwise they will be ripped away, particularly if you are kind and sensitive. BPD is an illness and the sufferer cannot be blamed or changed by a partner/friend/family member/spouse. BPD’s have a lot of good qualities. If you’re codependent…back out. I could say ‘good luck’ but I won’t…cause luck won’t help.

    I was fortunate in that the lady I met told me she had BPD. I immediately googled it and had to choose. The information also taught me a lot about my own issues. I have an addictive/co-dependence issues/tendency to try and help other damaged people while ignoring my own issues.

    I commend anyone entering willingly into a relationship with a person with this sickness. You’re gonna learn about what unconditional love really is…or be destroyed. Choice is yours. If all else fails…..the pray to God……:-)

    • shrink4men
      April 22, 2013 at 1:30 pm

      If you are told early on that a love interest has BPD, do the research. And if getting involved with a BPD still sounds like a good or “manageable” idea, you absolutely should consider getting into therapy to sort your issues.

      I don’t commend anyone who is willing to knowing enter into a relationship with a BPD, particularly an untreated BPD. You are most likely sowing the seeds of your own destruction.

      • Mellaril
        April 22, 2013 at 6:09 pm

        One of the biggest breaks I caught in my experience with one of these people was not knowing what a potential cause of the problems was. If I had known, I may have tried to “manage” things. A friend pointed out that “managing” your partner is a lousy thing to have to do in a relationship. I was able to concentrate on the behavior.

        After I was out, the same person told me, “You were lucky…your life could have been so much worse.”

        • April 29, 2013 at 1:00 am

          From documented evidence plenty of psychiatrists have themselves been manipulated by BPD’s and have had to
          seek treatment themselves. As beneficial as psychiatry is,
          it is a limited human science without any hint of spirituality
          or the God element contained therein. Therefore it can only
          do so much.

          • Alain Rondeau
            August 20, 2013 at 11:03 am

            That is so powerful but so possible at the same time.
            I had my wife taken to the psychiatric ward by the police early in our relationship where she was locked in confinement and when the psychiatrist showed up, she was interviewed and after it was over, was released into my care and she looked at me and said, this is so easy, all I need to do is tell them what they want to hear and they let me go.
            She will manipulate any Dr into believing she is perfectly normal and couple counseling will lead to make me the bad person, what a nightmare.
            My story is way too long to tell but she knows everything I do, any message I text, any web site I visit, she will even read this and no, we don’t use a computer, we each have an iPhone and I hide mine but she knows every word I say or type.
            She destroyed me so badly that I fear she may kill me over this but the sad part is, I don’t care, I even wish she does kill me because I don’t want to take my own life but this way, it wouldn’t be suicide but a murdered victim and God knows the truth, all my friends would call this self defense or a crime of passion because she managed to convince everyone that I am the abuser, I even had to change church because she turned the whole congregation against me, including the pastor himself.

            • Gordon
              August 27, 2013 at 10:42 pm

              Alain,

              When it gets to the point where you aren’t caring about yourself, in my opinion it’s time to reach out to someone locally for help! If your wife knows everything you say on your phone then she must be technically savvy. My guess is, she has some sort of key logger app software that reports to her. I would check with your cell phone provider as to what may be happening with your phone and maybe they can check for any key logging apps.

              You deserve someone that trusts you, loves you, and doesn’t create turmoil for you and living your life. Also, if you are fearing for your life that is even more of a reason to remove yourself from the situation!

              • August 28, 2013 at 9:21 am

                Thanks Gordon, I will take my phone to my provider and have it checked, I never thought of that, I do know I had forgot it at home one day and she denied having it and told me my 3 year old son had it and the last time she saw it he was by the front door.
                I found it under the bench by the door, so I turned it on and checked it out and I knew she had tempered with it because I would never give her the password but all her text messages that were on my phone were deleted.
                She’s not savvy and not very smart but she knows a lot of people from her country here and they all have connections and are helping each other out all the time.
                I need her out of my life otherwise I will lose my daughter, she lives with my ex and never comes to my house since we had to call 911 after a bullying session from my current wife who led her to mutilate herself so badly, there was blood everywhere.
                I still don’t know what to do, I was told to take care of myself and my 2 kids first but in the mean time, things are not improving at home.

  12. Casey
    April 16, 2013 at 5:31 pm

    I’m just wondering why it took me searching the internet with the search ‘my wife is never wrong” to find this information. My soon to be ex an I went through three attempts at counseling and countless counseling sessions together and not once did a counselor suspect or suggest that this is what I might have been dealing with. In fact the 1st counselor (hand picked by her of course) helped her abuse me. Here was the fun (not) part about going to counseling with her, we could never discuss her behavior that I was unhappy with because she was always so close to leaving me that if we didn’t discuss her issues with me first then nothing could be done. As soon as the counselor suggested that we discuss her we could no longer go to counseling either because we did not have enough time or we couldn’t afford it anymore. I wasted 7 years of my life on this woman and have more years of abuse to look forward to since we have a child together. More men need to be made aware of this ASAP and counselors need to be on the lookout for these personality types. I just thank God that I am finally out of her grasp and can breathe again.

  13. April 16, 2013 at 12:55 am

    Hi,
    I’ve just met a BPD girl. Enchanting, but confusing. Related with everything said above, I need to get away before she totally destroys me(Its only been two months since we met) and I feel I’vfe had several breakdowns since then or maybe just one long one. Please God help me.

    • Casey
      April 16, 2013 at 5:11 pm

      Run

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