Home > Uncategorized > Dating Again: What Do You Get Out of Relationships with Narcissists and Borderlines? Part Two [Video]

Dating Again: What Do You Get Out of Relationships with Narcissists and Borderlines? Part Two [Video]

This is the second video in the Dating Again series. It explores why some people continue choosing unhealthy and/or personality disordered partners even when their conscious rational mind insists they want healthier relationship.

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. Cat Minister
    July 23, 2019 at 12:30 am

    Early on my AA sponsor used to tell me I could walk into a dark closet full of women and walk out with the sickest of the lot. This has been true for many years, in spite of AA, inpatient and outpatient therapy and my own pain motivated resolutions to be different in the future. People may have appeared to be different over the years, appeared to be stable, considerate, empathetic and healthy, but when things became familiar, comfortable…….”boring” they eventually became crazy. My addiction problems went deeper, further and beyond drugs and alcohol. It took a lot of time and painful experience to discover that fact.

    Each newly discovered substitute seemed to required the same “Bottom” experience, the same unconscious attempts to self medicate, blunt or alleviate the pain that came as an inevitable consequence of my addictive behaviour. I could use anyone or anything external to myself in these attempts if not drugs and alcohol, then work, or shopping, or sex, or relationships, it didn’t seem to matter. Each attempt followed the same pattern and led to the same end…me curled up in a fetal position agonizing in regret, self recrimination and self hate for having allowed it to happen again. I’m nearly 58, sober and clean nearly 37 of those years and this has remained the most difficult and confronting and frustrating aspects of my life, my inability to sustain a long term intimate relationship.

    Another sponsor of mine once stated that “eventually, I would have to learn how to accept and live peacefully with something he called “Tolerance For The Mundane”. at that time that was a foreign concept to an obsessive compulsive addict/alcoholic, crisis junkie like myself. Ive had to also consider that wanting things that are not good for me is part of my addiction, this unconscious need to punish myself for some mysterious yet to be remember and exorcised traumatic experience of childhood. Ive also had to consider the possibility that not all people are designed or intended to enjoy or participate in the same experiences, being a one long term serious intimate relationship, for example…..I’m currently single and have been since my last marriage, my second, ended 8 years ago. I don’t expect that to change and I am good with that.

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