How Narcissists and Borderlines Abuse Text Messages and Emojis

As part of my work with clients, I sometimes review text communications from abusive and likely personality disordered spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends and exes. It’s not exactly what one would describe as enjoyable reading material. Much of it is venomous, relentless, dictatorial and angry bloviating sentence fragments or walls of text dripping with entitlement. The texts are often written and sent in a staccato, rapid fire assault. In many cases, whether the recipient responds or not is irrelevant. They just keep text, text, text, texting.

Clients share these messages for different reasons. Some are looking for validation that they’re not crazy and that their partner’s behavior is, in fact, abusive. Some want to know if the texts or emails will help them in their divorce or custody cases. Some clients want help determining what messages to respond to and which to ignore as they begin Low Contact and BIFF communication (brief, informative, firm, friendly business-like) due to shared children (no kids – No Contact). Some want help understanding what they’re doing wrong. Typically, what they’re doing wrong is engaging in pointless, circular arguments they can’t win or JADE-ing (justifying, arguing, defending, explaining) to someone who manufactures pointless, circular arguments they can’t win.

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Counseling, Consulting and Coaching with Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries.

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