Emotional Vampires: How Emotionally Abusive Women Screw You Up Flow Chart
I found this flow chart while looking for images for a new post I’m writing. I think it’s a good summary of what happens when you’re involved with an emotionally abusive individual.
The text is a little small, so here’s a summary:
1. Normal person feels love, gives care to
2. Emotional vampires and monsters (disguised as regular people) who
3. Rip you apart, reciprocate lovingly, suck you dry!, and disappear unpredictably. Intermittent reinforcement results in
4. Pavlovian fear and vigilance, which inspires you to
5. Run away and declare
6. No vampires and you undertake
7. Hard work which results in
8. Good relationships that are
9. Open, honest, loyal and consistent except that occasionally you respond with
4. Pavlovian fear and vigilance to the non-vampire showing you care and love and repeat steps 4-9. Except that in time, you go around this loop less often and your relationships stabilize with a non-emotional vampire.
Photo credit: clevergirl.
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Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Schedule a Session page for professional inquiries or send an email to shrink4men@gmail.com.
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- 10 Things You Need to Do After Breaking Up with an Emotionally Abusive Woman
- 5 Stages of Letting Go of a Relationship with an Emotionally Abusive Woman
- Can a Relationship with a Narcissistic or Borderline Wife or Girlfriend Change your Personality?
- Can a Man Break the Cycle of Emotional Abuse After Being With a Crazy, Narcissistic or Borderline Wife or Girlfriend?
- Can a Man Who Was Emotionally Abused By His Narcissistic or Borderline Wife or Girlfriend Have a Relationship with a Healthy Woman?
- How to Have a Healthy Relationship After Being With an Emotionally Abusive, Borderline or Narcissistic Woman
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Shrink4Men 
Dr. T…
you’ve heard me state more than once how important it is NEVER to make the next girl pay for the mistakes of the previous girl. my new girlfriend (oh yeah!!! and she is awesome) has heard the condensed version of my ex (no reason to get into the horrible details), she’s been there with some of her exes, so we both understand where the other is coming from and has been. and while i do think it’s a good idea to explain the past to the next girlfriend so that she understands if you’re a little skittish, i also believe that discretion is a good idea so that you don’t scare the next girl away. a good healthy balance of stories told and lessons learned, but then let it go, and don’t carry that baggage into the next one. cuz the next girl doesn’t deserve it, and the guy could lose out someone real and wonderful by chasing her away or turning her off. constantly relating gory details of the previous partner is a big no-no to most people.
i really like this entry, cuz it also shows that it’s not all gonna happen overnight, and it might not even happen with the next girl. but with hard work and personal honesty, inwardly and toward others… it can happen.
I have to go to expensive family therapy just to see my kids, meeting with her and the therapist. Every single week she either berates me openly or finds ways to dig a knife in me by using my kids. She has a history of false allegations and alienating my kids.
I want no contact but counselors insist that you meet with her an hear her nonsense. I am sitting there with an abuser and it is damaging to me. It keeps my mind occupied on her and I do not want this. I don’t want to caught up in her chaos, hatred and evil. How do I get this witch off my back?
Why do these therapist insist on perpetuating the abuse to me? Are they mesmerized by her? To they just buy-in to her crap?
It is all crazy-making. I just do not want my thoughts consumed by this creep. Please advise.